mind expanding nonsense

Archive for October, 2011

Have I Been a Bad Boy?

I need some help here.  Maybe even a reality check, cause I discovered today that my recent post “I WANT SARAH” is missing.  You know that one, the little ditty from my rich fantasy life, about  how much I missed Sarah Palin spanking me.  Well it’s not under Recent Posts anymore.  For you who only read the pictures, and not the words, it was this one.

Now one of two things may have occurred.  Either I totally spaced-out due to a recent change in medication, and like an idiotic fool, accidentally deleted the post after my new meds had kicked in.  Or, unbeknownst to me,  I’ve Been Censored.

Now there’s a high probability of the first scenario being true, and in all likelihood, what actually happened.  Or maybe, and I’m getting a little paranoid here, WordPress has possibly censored me?

Please, let me know if  you’ve ever experienced censorship with WordPress.  Has it happened to you?  Anyone you follow?  Or is this  just another major blunder on my part?

Actually, I think it would be pretty cool to be censored.  Means you’re doing some naughty, biting (in this case spanking) stuff, and the best part, the censor had to read it too.  But my stuff is fairly tame; not loaded up with profanity (unless I’m totally fucking pissed); not overly offensive, but oftentimes in bad taste.  So I can’t  see why I’d be censored.  Unless there’s Sarah Police out there. I screwed up.  That’s what happened [ but on my favorite post about my favorite Tea Partier???]…Oh well.  At least I got to publish my drawing of Sarah and me again.

Crayola Friday

Well it’s Saturday; the weekend.  And you know that that means.  Yep it’s time for Crayola Friday. OK, just to refresh your memory.  Crayola Friday isn’t something that just happens on Fridays.  It’s an event.  You know, kinda like quality time with the wife; who knows which day of the month that may fall upon? Unless of course it’s your Birthday.  Then you have a pretty good indication of when some QT may fall your way.  But don’t assume that  means two sessions will be bestowed upon ya in one month!  Nope, even if you’ve been a ‘good boy’, once a month will have to hold ya;  whether you need it or not.

Sorry…I got side-tracked.  As you can see, I’ve had a lot on my mind lately.  But with the help of my three year old grandson, I was able to crank out these gems.  Maybe I over did it a bit when Photoshopping  the one below.  Maybe it’s a reflection of my dark-side.

The Oh Reilly Fornication

Getting spanked by Tea Party Queen Sarah Palin was such a gratifying sexual fantasy [see I Want Sarah post to your right] that I dug into my archives for this piece of trash.  I must admit, I did have some second thoughts about this one, cause some might see it as being in bad taste.  But then again, when have second thoughts and bad taste ever been a consideration here at Hansi’s Hallucinations?

**CONTENT WARNING**  I just had to do that one. I love seeing that when going to a blog, advising me that if I’m not over 18 years old, the content of the yet to be entered blog, may be offensive. Well being at least three times that age, but with a mind of a seventeen year old, what that means to me is; Good stuff ahead. But, if you’re a neo-conservative, born again Republican, you may take issue with some of my content. Not that it’s going to be a bunch of filth, for I don’t want to be dirty, let alone peddle smut.  However, if a few prompts starts to get your mind wet; well I’ll let you do all the heavy lifting from there.

DISCLAIMER: Had to throw that one in too. This is strictly a hallucination of my pre Alzheimer’s mind, and bears no resemblance to any living beings or personalities that may in fact have a functioning heart. It would only be a coincidence if they had some heart.

So, a while back, I was viewing a clip on one of my favorite Demented blogs, which featured Bill Oh Reily interviewing Ann Coldter. What a right wing love fest that was. Bill Oh was feeding her lines that brought out the best (wurst worst?) of her. It was at about that time that my medication started kicking into high gear, that I came to the conclusion: why don’t they really tell it like it is? I mean if Fox News isn’t screwing with your mind, then who is. And if they’ve already violated you, why not go all the way, and not just to first base.

Hence…The Oh Riley Fornication. An new twist on the Oh Rielly Factor, wherein Bill seduces right wing ideologues and nails em (not like they did to Jesus) on the show. Bill and Ann were getting so so hot, in this clip, that I envisioned them gradually disrobing with every new talking point.  At the mention of gun control, they started to loose control, and then, faster than you can say “corporate tax cut”, and here’s where your part comes in, they jump each others bones and start….doin’ it. What a show. I’d certainly become a regular viewer, and eagerly await the next RILF (republican I’d like to f***), that Oh Really “interviews”.

Great fun, but we can’t stop there. [You may want pause for a moment to pull a condom over your head to prevent a socialism disease]. How bout Shawn Hanitty (to be changed to Hand-on-titty)? Well, I don’t know about you, but that guy seems a little too anal for me. But if he interviewed Sarah again. Well there could be fireworks, especially if the First Dude stepped in. [Much too heavy for me to lift]. That would be a three-some, that would tickle me-some.

Can’t forget Grettle von Sustenance. I like her, but that poor girl looks like she been whooped with an ugly stick, and it would take writing skills that far exceed mine , to properly script that one. Hey, they could make it a reality show, and not need scripting. Grettle could hang-out with Snooki, and compete with her for all the sleaze-balls at the Snookster’s favorite bars.   Meowww, that would be a real cat-fight.

I don’t want to be-labor the point, and I think you get the idea. Sadly, those were the only shows I could think of that were in need of a “make-over”, cause, frankly, most Fox News personalities are ugly, and I can’t stand watching them. Now now, if you really look at them, you know in your heart that I am Right.  There is this loud mouthed blond however, that looks interesting; she doesn’t let anybody get a word in edge-wise. Ummm…..Good premise for yet another show.

Well, this was good for me; hope it was good for you. If you were offended….I Warned You!!  But next time ya watch a Fox News program, keep Hansi in mind. You’ll get a “lift” out of it.

There once was a gal named Palin

Who was in need of a vigorous nailin’

She looked like a fox

With those long brown locks

But when she opened her mouth, it was only wailin’.

Crayola Friday

Well old Hansi be dipped in shit (once again), if Crayola Friday didn’t up and make its appearance on Saturday.  A day late and a dollar short!  But I’m a kinda liberal sort of guy, so I’m prone to thinking outside the box.  Can’t just think of Crayola Friday as only being something that happens  on Fridays.  Nope, gotta broaden your horizons and not just think of Crayola Friday solely as a date, but more of an event.  Like your birthday or even better, like Christmas.  Those things don’t just happen on the same day year after year, but on different days.  Christmas is on a Tuesday this year.  And regarding my birthday, all I can say is I’m wearing my birthday suit as we speak.  I would have shown you more of it below, but it’s a little wrinkled and there’s a hole in it.

More Word Press Ideas

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Add a couple more to make your post easier for others to discover. Some suggestions: remembering the alamo, pearl harbor day, blowing my mind, military ceremony, and blood infection. [blood infection?]

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If you don’t have Word Press, this is what ya get after you push the publish tab when making a post. Magic, I know, and the source of everley increasing Blog ideas for me.

Thought I could get one post with all three of these ideas. This one was easy.

  1. I’d take sex education classes, and with a very skilled therapist!
  2. I wouldn’t have a sister if I grew up without siblings. That’s stupid! Siblings also kind sounds like a childhood disease, like Mumps or Chickenpox.
  3. Up till right now, the most impulsive thing I’ve ever done is answer these three questions.

Wait, there’s more.  Here’s some some jewels worthy of discussion:

  1. What’s the worst injury you’ve ever sustained? Do they mean like with physical scars or emotional ones?
  2. List your favorite ways to procrastinate. I’m still working on that one.
  3. If you had your own clothing line, what would it be Called? “Hand Me-Downs” sounds good to me.
  4. What do you think is the most destructive force to mankind? Easy…nature.
  5. If you could make an anonymous gift to someone, what would it be? My blog business cards of course.
  6. Name a company or product you would like to star in a TV commercial for. Well, I can tell ya what I wouldn’t star in: any thing to do with Viagra, Cealis or Penis extending
  7. You get to make an appearance on any TV show of your choice, what would it be? The Next Millionaire would be a good one.

So once again it’s Word Press to the rescue for old Hansi. Damn, that was easier than just cut and paste-ing something.

Crayola Friday

A scribble or a line, caught in time, while out of my mind

A couple of the bloggers I follow feature “A Friday Moment” wherein they showcase some of their photography.  One of my favorite bloggers even has a “Watercolor Friday” and posts her paintings every Friday.  Well I wanta showcase my work too (as if every damn post I do doesn’t already feature a shitload of  my drawings).  So I decided to copy, imitate. be inspired by what they do, and feature some of my work done in my new favorite medium: crayons.

Had some help from my three year old grandson.  He wanted to draw one day, so I got out the paper and Crayola ‘adjustable pencils’ and let him rip.  Now, he doesn’t have the fine motor skills, eye-hand coordination, or sense of composition and design that Hansi has.  But we both like the same subject matter.

He started these two gems and left me to finish them (“do the hard part”).  Pretty good for a three year old!  And something pretty cool for Grandpa to do. So look forward to more Crayon Fridays to come.

Oh yea.   You’ll probably see this one again on a different post.  But I just had to post it; couldn’t wait till next Friday.   And…it was actually done on Friday**  Beginning with  a scribble, or a line, while out of my mind, at the time.

** Anal retentive calendar freak types will notice that this was posted on a Saturday, and not a Friday.  Well, good for you, all that college has certainly paid off.  But the thing of it is, I came up with this brilliant idea on a Saturday morning, and being unable to delay gratification in any form, couldn’t wait a whole week to publish it.  So, like we used to say when I was fighting crime: “Close enough for government work”.

Proper Medication

A few posts back I wrote a piece about how we live in a drug culture and are being constantly bombarded by advertisements to try certain drugs.  You may have surmised that I am against drug use in all its forms.  Well oh contraire!  Not all drugs are bad, and certain medications can be beneficial and improve the quality of ones life.  So in order to be “fair and balanced”, I’ve dug into the archives to provide an opposite point of view.

If there’s anything that I learned in my 30 year career of fighting crime and dealing with mental health clients, it is that everyone functions at their best when properly medicated. Take that bipolar dual-diagnosis  meth freak for example. They’re going down the tubes fast because they’re using the wrong medication. In the business we call it “self-medicating”; but who else can you really medicate but yourself?   You can’t slip meds to other people, that’s against the law, and as a crime fighter I’m certainly against people breaking the law; bending…that’s a different story.  [There’s a bunch of folks out there I’d like to slip a chill-pill to…in suppository form].   Or consider the decompensating schizophrenic. Nothing like a shot of Haldol to bring their psychotic asses back to reality (which is a board and care facility that takes the bulk of their $550 monthly SSI check, leaving them with just enough money to buy some Bugler tobacco and sit around all day smoking roll your own cigarettes with the other zombies). Yep. It goes without saying that it is of paramount importance that everyone be properly medicated. I know I am.

You gotta be careful though and not use just any medication; even the ones that your doctor may prescribe have hidden side effects, the likes of which you wanna avoid at all costs. Just the other day I saw a commercial for some stuff that relieves irritable bowel syndrome. Now there’s a lot of stuff that irritates me, but I sure don’t want it to be my bowels. Anyway the list of dis-claimers was longer than the actual pitch to try this shit. You could die, have a stroke, suffer nausea, vomiting, and the dry-heaves, be constipated, have diarrhea, flatulence (my favorite term for farting), or even have your ass-hole catch on fire. This product was not to be used by anyone who is pregnant, has been pregnant or ever wants to get pregnant (sorry gals), nor whose mother was ever pregnant…. Use in combination with Aspirin, Tylenol, Ibuprofen or Aleve could cause anal bleeding. And the list goes on.

A proper medication should improve ones life, reduce stress, provide relief from suffering and induce a general feeling of well-being. My favorite medication does all of the above and more. And its  organic, created by God Himself. There are some side effects however. I’ve found that when overly medicated, I have a tendency to fall asleep on the couch while listening to my favorite Led Zeppelin album. There is also the danger of rushing to the refrigerator and eating everything in sight .  And then there is the laughing.  Once when my medication was just starting to have its most beneficial healing effect, I started to watch ‘The Super Hero Movie’ and laughed my ass of for two hours. My jaw hurt afterwards. So you got to be careful. But, you got to stay properly medicated, for one is only as good as his medication.

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