Things That Look Like Other Things

 

Well, the Covid re-opening lasted about ten days for me.  As of now, I’m reeling it all back in.  Only goin’ out for necessities (and that doesn’t mean a trip to the local marijuana dispensary although they are having some really great deals in this time of extreme need),  I mean basic stuff like groceries at Trader Joes and the local nursery for garden supplies.  And then it’s mask on, go in and get the hell out as fast as I can, followed with a thorough douching of my hands with sanitizer out in the car.  New cases of Covid 19 are on the rise in the US, and if it hasn’t already, it sure looks like the shit is about to hit the fan.  We have no national strategy for dealing with the virus except for ‘every man for himself’.  All I know is: if I do the opposite of what Donald Trump says I’ll be okay.

Oh well…Here’s some more drawings of things that look like other things.  They are ‘things’ in and of themselves, and are what they are.  Problem is they look other things rather than what they are.  Funny how that works.

Save The Best For Last?

Should you always save the best for last?  This is really part two of my last post (not the last post I’ll ever do, but the post prior to this one): ‘This That and the Other Thing’, which brings into question whether one should save the best for last.  A climactic finale of goodness which surpasses all else before.  Desert is a prime example.  How many dinners have you suffered through only with the hopes that a fine desert would redeem the crap ya ate before?

But if something is really good, why wade through a bunch of pallet ruining entries.  I’d rather scarf it down first!  That’s certainly true of wine.  Ya always wanna drink the good shit first and save the swill for last when you’re half wasted and can’t tell the difference and it’s of little consequence.

And speaking of consequences, looks like our beloved President of the United States (our best one ever) is gonna get his ass impeached.  This whole Ukraine thing is getting sleazier by the day.  What a swamp.  I hope decent people like you and sometimes me are getting sick and tired of this reality TV world we live in and yearn for a day without Donald.  Maybe Impeachment is a last resort.  And there you have it.  Saving the best for last can be a good thing.

Pencil

 

It’s Art Blog time!  In the early daze days of this blog I used to do a lot of pencil drawings.  Mainly because The Wife had reams of good quality paper, and pencils were cheap.  Also, you could erase stuff easier than with ink and colored pencil.

Recently, if you can believe the dates signed on them*, I’ve taken to pencil once again (still the same ol’ phallic-like subject matter) and forsaken color.  It kinda reminds me of TV in the fifties: all black and white.

* Seems like ya can’t believe anything now-a-days.  Things are so polarized that when one side claims it has the truth, and it sounds plausible, the other side fires back claiming “That ain’t the truth.  It’s bullshit, and a hoax to boot.”  There’s no right or wrong, just what’s expedient, will satisfy the share-holders, and serve ones own interests best.

 

 

Calling Bullshit

One of the best things about America, besides it being Jesus’ favorite county, is the right of freedom of speech.  That’s the first amendment in our Bill of Rights, and is only surpassed by the second amendment, which is the right to bear arms, which I suppose is to protect yourself from those who say things ya don’t like. Although you have a right to say what ya want, you can’t yell out “FIRE” in a crowded theater, threaten people with harm, or even lie under certain circumstance (like being under oath…lot of folks getting burned on that one now-a-days).

Maybe this whole freedom of speech thing is more about stating an opinion or giving unwanted advice.  Which pretty much allows folks to say anything, no matter how barren of fact or grounded in delusion, they may be.  That’s cool with me.  Because just as they are free to say what’s on their mind, so too am I free to say what’s on my mind in response.  Like a sports referee calling a foul when an athlete breaks a rule, I can call Bullshit when I hear rhetoric that runs a foul.

Calling Bullshit is an effective way of voicing disagreement, disapproval and resistance to being taken in by falsehood.  I often find myself calling Bullshit when The President speaks.  He too is fond of calling bullshit, but more often than not, his calling bullshit is bullshit itself, and in need to being called out.

 

 

Whitened Sepulchers

If there’s one thing I can’t stand, let alone understand, it’s hypocrisy.   Jesus couldn’t stand it either, and sure jumped in the Pharisees’ shit, not hesitating to call out their hypocrisy.  When he was really on a roll, he’d call them the ultimate put-down: whitened sepulchers – looking all nice and freshly painted on the outside, but inside, a tomb filled with rotting corpses, flesh consuming worms and all other manner of unclean things.  Jesus is probably rolling over in his grave at the state of affairs in his favorite county America.

I can understand the double standard if for no other reason that if one standard is good, two has gotta be better.  But you can’t claim be in favor of balanced budgets, then when it’s your turn to be in charge, spend like there’s no limit to tax cuts for the wealthy.  You can’t claim to be a righteous and holy people, and elect a godless, self-centered, compulsive liar who is an adulterer, and fornicator who prefers the company of harlots, and think that’s just fine because he’ll fill the courts with pro-life judges.  Jesus like harlots too, but he didn’t make them sign non-disclosure documents.

I’m Not A Liberal Anymore

Yep,  Ol’ Hansi has gone over to the dark-side of politics, and is now a Conservative.  Although I’ve been a liberal (of the bleeding heart variety) for just about all my adult life, I’ve found that lately I haven’t been happy.  In fact, I’ve been down-right grumpy, cynical and pissed off… all the time.  My frustration usually starts early in the a.m. when I watch Morning Joe (a liberal MSNBC talk-show) and continues into the evening chased by more left-wing progressive talking head shows.

From now on none of that stuff is gonna bother me anymore.  If I hear something I disagree with, no problem…it’s fake news.  Donald Trump is a great president.  He knows the art of the deal.  He’s gonna make America great again (if all them liberals and illegal aliens would get outta the way).  Cause he’s a business man, he’ll drain the swamp in Washington – Stormy Daniels monkey business notwithstanding.  I no longer care about the double standard and am very concerned about the unborn.  Hey, everybody knows if one standard is good, two’s gotta be better, and once outside the womb, it’s open-season on your ass!  Besides, as a newly converted conservative, I now know the secret password (jesus…but don’t tell anybody) which is like a ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card. All this new found euphoria ain’t gonna come cheap for Ol’ Hansi.  I gotta rush out and buy a gun to protect my Second Amendment rights; everything is gonna be  just fine once I’m fully armed.

Wow…All this new-found conservatism is starting to look really good.  I’m a lot happier now, but I don’t think I’ll be ripping-up my medical marijuana prescription just yet.  Never know when you’ll need a little help from on High.

Disclaimer:  My writing skills being what the may, some folks might misconstrue this as absolute truth, instead of parody, satire, sarcastic lampoonery or just plain bullshit as was my intention.

Trump

I don’t know about you, but I never in a million years thought Donald Trump would win the election.  Boy did I ever have a rude awakening the evening of November 8, 2016; started drinking early that night.  It really didn’t start to hit me until the inauguration on January 20th.  Maybe because Obama was still in charge until then, and what could go wrong?

So the drawings on this two-pager reflect some of my thoughts on the election.  I’ve since accepted it, am in recovery, but sometimes fall off the wagon and get really pissed-off.  These ‘piss-fits’ often coincide with watching cable ‘news’ channels.  When I turn on Fox (wanna be fairly balanced), I often wonder, “What planet are these phuckers living on?”  Bet they think the same thing when they turn on MSNBC, CNN, or even middle of the road NPR.

I feel much better when I don’t watch any of it.  More relaxed, peaceful, tolerant of others; life is good when ya filter out all the bullshit and not get sucked into the partisan cultural warfare that’s going on in this country. [America has always been divided since the get-go. In revolutionary days you had the colonists versus the loyalists; Civil War was North versus slave-state South; and even before the two World Wars, there were a lot of people that favored Germany].  Maybe ignorance is truly bliss.  Life is good when ya don’t have someone constantly tellin’ ya that it sucks.

Well, it’s time for me to saddle-up, and return to my bliss.

 

Fake News

It used to be that the News was the News.  Something you watched at 6:00 p.m. and turned off until Gunsmoke came on.  Now the News is on 24/7 in whichever flavor you prefer, be it middle of the road like NPR, or on the other sides of the spectrum: MSNBC vs. FOX.  I never heard about ‘fake news’ until our President told us about it and how it usually consisted of embarrassing stories about himself; all lies of course.

Sometimes it’s hard to figure out what’s real news and what’s fake.  We had ‘alternative facts’ for a while.  Thank god that was short-lived.  Guess everybody knew that was a load of crap.  Facts is facts, and unlike lifestyles, there are no alternatives…Kelly Anne Conway notwithstanding (that lady scares ol’ Hansi to death).

Sometimes it’s hard to tell if something is fake.  But it doesn’t take a trained eye to spot a knock-off.  Usually it’s flimsy, of poor quality and ya know that something is just not right.  I’ve got an easier way.  All you need is a de-coder ring, like a lot of us geezers had when we were kids, and you’ll be able to decipher anything.  And the secret code is: Everything the Prez says, the opposite is true!

If he says there was no collusion, there was collusion ‘big-league’.  If he says something is true, it’s a big fat lie.  If he makes a promise, it’ll never happen.  And if you put your trust him, you’re gonna get screwed.  [For the life of me I can’t understand why Evangelical Christians back him so much.  Don’t they know that if ya hop in bed with the Devil, someone’s gonna get phucked?]

And speaking of getting screwed with lying one’s ass off sprinkled on top:  porn star Stormy Daniels.  At $130,000 a serving, that must have been the best slice in the history of intercourse ( or that money can buy).  Now the Stormstress is telling all…guess it’s hard to keep your mouth shut in that business.

So…Don’t be fooled no more.  Yes means No, and No means Yes.  The truth has become bullshit, and bullshit has become the truth.

 

June 27, 2015

I thought I’d throw a couple of things up on the ol’ blog-o-spearsphere and see what sticks.  Well, everything sticks cause putting anything on the Internet is like etching it in stone.  Unlike a fart, which once unleashed eventually dissipates and leaves no permanent record (except in some people’s minds), Internet/computer stuff is there forever and don’t go away.  Eee-gad!  can you imagine what it would be like if the government had computers and things got turned around, so instead of them helping us to have a better ‘American experience’, they started spying on us?

Gotta watch what ya put out there on the Internet.  Reminds me of when I was fighting crime back there in Probationland (sure glad I’m not doing that shit anymore).  A female probationer must have gotten drunk and had her loser boyfriend take some photo’s of her being a little gang-bangerette holding a bottle of Tequila and some firearms, and posted it on Facebook so all her dirt-bag friends could see how cool she was.  What a dumb-shit!  Somehow her probation officer got wind of this, and guess what?  She had terms prohibiting alcohol and weapons use/possession.  Needless to say, a home call was made, and her ass was scooped-up and taken to jail.

So anyway, here’s a few things from my digital archives (sure wish I could digitalize some of the stuff The Wife has laying all over the house).  They’ve been posted before, and are part of my Internet permanent record, but most folks won’t know that unless they’ve been following me for the past four years, in which case, your reward is in heaven.

The silver lining in the cloud of surveillance which the government has taken to lately, is: the cheap-ass Republicans which are so fond of all this monitoring, don’t wanna pay for via increased taxes, so the agencies involved don’t have the man-power to do the job.  Pretty cool  If ya stay under the radar, and don’t go posting your collection of naked young boy photos on Facebook; you’re Okay.  Remember, anything the government does, it usually fucks up.

Oh yeah…Today is The Wife and my 46th wedding anniversary.   Wonder what it would have been like if I had to wait till today to legally marry her?

Legalizing Marijuana

Wow.  Two states have legal marijuana up and running: Washington and Colorado, with Alaska, Oregon and the District of Columbia soon to be in high gear with similar legislation.  The west coast is swiftly becoming the Gold Coast, except for California.  Bummer. My own home state, which was the first to pass a medical marijuana initiative in 1996, is not goin’ for it, and voted down a proposition a few years back.  But ya know what?  I’m starting to think that’s just fine.  If you really wanna indulge in a little reefer madness, pay 65 bucks for a doctors recommendation letter ( I used a tabloid coupon and only had to pay $50) and wowie zowie, you’re legal.  You can buy your weed medication at a local dispensary, or have it delivered to your home (no Amazon drones, but some pretty spacey people).  You can possess up to eight ounces (that’s half a pound) for personal use (that’s a shit-load of weed) and grow up to six plants if ya have a green thumb.  All without the paranoia of getting busted and worrying about police.  Cause…You’re obeying the law!

Pot prices are collapsing in Washington State.  There’s a glut on the market, and many local growers are going under and facing bankruptcy.  [I wonder if the Saudis are behind it like they are with driving down oil prices?]…Well, who woulda thunk?  With cannabis legal, every stoned, totally baked pot-head in the world probably had the same flash:  “Hey, I can get rich doing my favorite thing, and grow all the weed I want”.  Problem is, they don’t call it “weed” for nothing, and anybody with a backyard, porch or empty closet can grow their own fairly easy and end up with a lifetime supply.

You see a lot of articles on Yahoo about marijuana: first it’s good for you, then it’s not.  CNBC, the business station, is constantly running marijuana stories, mainly from an investment standpoint; something new to cash in on.  Hey, why let organized crime make all the money?  Wall Street needs some of that action, they already got alcohol and tobacco wrapped up. Rumors abound that Phillip Morris and other companies are ramping-up reefer production for when total legalization occurs.  I can see it now: Marlboro Kush.

Here’s they thing that’s not sitting right with me.  Too much involvement by the Government.  I’m not a Tea Party fan (unless the tea is made with a little cannabis), but with government involvement comes taxation and regulation [my gawd, I’m sounding like a Republican].  In Washington State legal marijuana is heavily taxed; medical marijuana is not.  Guess where serious connoisseurs are gonna shop.  The Black Market (independent entrepreneurs) is alive and well.  All problems in the land of lotus eaters.

So I’m cool with the way things are here in California as they stand.  Lets wait and see how things play-out in Washington and Colorado and then jump on the Strawberry Fields Forever bandwagon so we can tax the shit outta it and once and for all solve our budgetary problems (like the Lottery did for schools).

Anyway, in California and a lot of other states that have approved medical marijuana, it’s pretty much been decriminalized and reduced to an infraction status.  The Feds are a different story.  [Gotta love the conflict all this is cause in the Right Wing: the Christian Right is against it on moral grounds, the Libertarian wing feels it’s a states rights issue, and all them fuckers can’t wait to get their hands on the potential tax revenues so they can lower corporate tax rates for their buddies.] Plus if ya wanna indulge, it’s a very low hoop to jump through to get a medical card.  Like all things in America, any problem can be solved by spending money.

Hansi’s State Of The Union Address

As is the custom in America wherein the President addresses Congress on the state of the Union (of united states), I too feel it necessary, being President and CEO of Hansi’s Hallucinations, to address the state of my blog.  First of all, I’m sure glad that over half of my audience doesn’t hate my ass as they do President Obama’s, and just can’t wait till they take over and begin to fuck things up.  Frankly, I don’t see how President Obama does it, and manages to stay so calm and act nice.  If that were me up there, I’d be subtly giving them all the finger ( pretending to remove something from my eye with my middle finger) or picking my nose and flicking a booger at those sitting on the right side of the aisle – those are the guys who just sit there and never applaud except when America is gonna bomb someone.

Well, 2014 was good for me….hope it was good for you.  I quit blogging for the second time, and also quit working part-time for my former employer in Probationland which I fondly (but not fondling) called ‘The House Of Pain’.  The break from both certainly hit the spot.  Guess I wanted as few obligations as possible.  Now I’m fully retired, and plan (or hope to hell) to never work again.  Don’t get me wrong, working in retirement was great, as long as ya made under the $15,000 Social Security limit.  But contrary to everything you read on Yahoo Finance, money isn’t everything, and I’ve found that one (or two if ya count The Wife) can live very comfortably with a simple healthy lifestyle.

In short, everything is beautiful, and I’m starting to feel groovy.

Words of Wisdom

“It’s amazing how paranoia can drive ya to take action to avoid the stuff ya fear.”

“Everything is an experiment”.

“Vote with your pocketbook, and do it often.”

“Picking one’s teeth can be a meal in itself.”

Back in my college daze, when I was actively enjoying the benefits of non-medical marijuana.  I wrote a little booklet containing Hansi’s Words of Wisdom.  Sayings which made little sense unless you were stoned.  Like: “Life is a candle made of earwax”, or “Picking one’s teeth can be a meal in itself”.  Loadie logic which sounded deep and insightful when high, but in the reality most people share, was a bunch of psychedelic bullshit.

Well maybe not all of it.  “Picking one’s teeth’ is still as profound today as it was in 1969.  Not so much a meal any longer, but still certainly a nice snack. Mmmm potato chips.

“Voting with your pocketbook” works for me today.  If some organization or corporation irks my liberal leanings, I don’t buy their shit.  If ya can’t stand the present day income disparity, shop locally.  You know, ‘Mom and Pop’ stores, like your local dispensary.   Ya might wanna try that one sometime.  “Everything is an experiment” after all.

Crash and Burn

Is everything getting ready to crash and burn; turn to shit right in front of our own eyes?  Sure seems like it.  While everyone is freezing their assess off in the northeast, those of us in California and the southwest are heading into our third year of drought, with no relief in sight.  Governor Brown is even talking about mandatory 20% water cut-backs.  How are we gonna be able to grow our own marijuana when it finally becomes legal in the ‘Golden State’?  What it means for me is: more peeing outside, and more efficient use of ‘grey-water’ on my plants.  The veggies will get water, but the poor lawn will remain brown for a long time.

I’m starting to get a little paranoid, and I don’t like it!  I don’t like living in fear, and generally try to maintain a positive attitude.  I’ve got a friend who’s an right-wing ideologue.  He listens to Rush, Michael Savage and watches Fox News all the time.  He fears catastrophe, be it a force of nature or some liberal conspiracy, it is just around the corner waiting to get him.  And although he’s privy to all the shenanigans of the left and evils of Obamacare, it’s not making him any more happier, let alone instilling a feeling of security or peace in him.  Guess if ya live in fear all the time, you become fearful.

General Insanity

That’s one of my categories down there on the lower right, and it encompasses the bulk of my posts. A lot of times, my posts fall into the “Bizarre But True” category, cause there’s always a little bit of truth (as I perceive it) in most of my writings.  There’s also a lot of stuff “Ripe For Ridicule”.  And, although I don’t see it that way, some people think “What A Wanker” (whatever that is) after reading my stuff.  Well, today, all those categories are fitting into to my seldom used category of “Politics That Piss Me Off”.

This government shutdown over the budget and raising the debt ceiling is making me crazy.  Seems like a group of Hillbilly Congressmen think they can bring the United States Government to its knees, in an attempt to resend a health-care law passed by a majority and found to be constitutional, and flirt with economic disaster, holding the country hostage while doing so..  And now, when it’s starting to back-fire on them, claim the President won’t negotiate, and want some sort of “deal” so they can save face.

Everyone living outside the United states must be thinking, “What the fuck is going on”.  My sister in Germany says that could never happen over there.  Well that’s because you gave right-wing Fascism a try, and it didn’t work out so well.  Anyway, we’re getting down to the wire with this debt ceiling thing, with all the predictions from people that don’t have their heads up their asses being: Calamity, Disaster, another recession to come. With Armageddon just around the corner, how is one to deal with it all?

Well…You know I have a rich imagination; a penchant for general insanity (not to mention all things in bad taste), plus, I also have the ‘Hots’ for Sarah Palin.  So after I saw her and Texas Senator Ted Cruz [that’s Rafael Edward “Ted” Cruz; sounds Mexican to me…I’d sure like to see his birth certificate] show up at a Tea Party demonstration outside the closed for business World War Two Memorial, and carry on about the evils of  Obama-Care, I thought, “What a bunch of hypocritical opportunists!”

After my anger subsided, I started thinking,  “Wow, this would make a great Porno Flick”.  What if Ted and Sarah, after busily working up the crowd of demonstrators, demonstrated how they could work on each other.  I can see it now.  With microphones in hand, shouting out the evils of Obama-Care, and how it’s the worst thing to happen to this country since we freed the slaves and the South lost the war, Teddy boy starts to get hot with all this right-wing foreplay.  Sarah (getting a little wet herself) unbuttons her blouse, finally revealing a little cleavage (we all knew she had a nice pair), and so the action  begins.  The Tedster, subtly moves in back of Sarah, and starts a bump and grind that strangely mimics the frenzy of their audience. Sarah, knowing that Alaska is a big state, starts to wonder about the size of Texas, and…

Okay…here’s where it could get a little raunchy and move right over into the Wankering category.  So if conservatives copulating ( but not copulating conservatively) offends you, ya better move on to your next blog and find out how life living with nine cats is going. [I know this is pretty sick stuff, but not as nauseating as some of the political stunts these two have preformed, tailor-made for ten second sound-bites.]

A few scenarios could play out here: Sarah could drop to her knees and take a tour of the Lone Star State, or, they could run off to the bushes where twenty paparazzi lay in waiting along with camera crews for all the major news networks, and explore every position mentioned in the Karma Sutra. Teddy boy, having fully recovered from his thirty hours of reading Dr Seuss to an empty Senate chamber, proves himself once again to be a man of considerable stamina.

Well….so much for my rich fantasy life.  This could never happen in reality, and is just a figment of my filthy imagination.  Maybe it’s all about how ya look at things.  I know with all this political drama going on, I’ve got a front row seat and can’t wait to see who what comes next 🙂

 

 

Fun at the Gym

The first thing I do in the morning, before firing up my computer, before checking my email for all them comments I’m getting, and before I click on the “Publish ” button and send another Hallucination out into cyber-space, is get a cup of coffee and do fifteen minutes of stretching on my living room floor.  Then it’s off to the Gym on my bicycle where I “pump iron” (do weight training ) for 30 to 40 minutes.  What a great way to start the day, all pumped up, with them few remaining drops of testosterone circulating through my system.  A true natural high.

Well, as great as all that macho bullshit is, what’s even more fun, is fucking with my good old ultra conservative , right wing Tea Party buddy Mike.  Instead of starting the morning with some yoga-like stretching and a meditative bicycle ride to the Gym, he hops in his car, turns on Hate Radio, and gets his morning blast of uber right-wing talking points.  And boy oh boy is he ever ready to unload all that crap on some poor hapless liberal who may be working out next to him.

Well, being a hapless, but not so poor, liberal (plus socialist to boot), and on top of that, a phun-loving guy who like who likes to phuck with those in need of a good phucking; I jumped on an opportunity to push his Tea Party button the other morning.

He was on the stationary bicycle (a great metaphor for those on the right who although peddling their asses off, are going nowhere), and on some sarcastic rant about how ‘great’ (turning to shit) things are in California.  When I replied from the other room, “They sure are, gay marriage is now legal again!”  [The Supreme Court having just shot down the Defense Of Marriage Act as unconstitutional].  Well sure as shit, and like Wernher Von Braun shooting off a V-2 missile, that set his ass on fire and into orbit.  When he said something about next you’ll be able to marry your dog, I shot back with, “Yeah, but only one; more would be polygamy” [a cheap shot at Mitt Romney and his Mormonism].  That sure ignited stage two of his rant, whereupon I said, ” I think people ought to be able to phuck anything they want”, proceeded to do my last set of curls and left with a smile on my face.

That was a great work-out. I think old Mike is still somewhere in orbit around Orange County.