June 27, 2015

I thought I’d throw a couple of things up on the ol’ blog-o-spearsphere and see what sticks.  Well, everything sticks cause putting anything on the Internet is like etching it in stone.  Unlike a fart, which once unleashed eventually dissipates and leaves no permanent record (except in some people’s minds), Internet/computer stuff is there forever and don’t go away.  Eee-gad!  can you imagine what it would be like if the government had computers and things got turned around, so instead of them helping us to have a better ‘American experience’, they started spying on us?

Gotta watch what ya put out there on the Internet.  Reminds me of when I was fighting crime back there in Probationland (sure glad I’m not doing that shit anymore).  A female probationer must have gotten drunk and had her loser boyfriend take some photo’s of her being a little gang-bangerette holding a bottle of Tequila and some firearms, and posted it on Facebook so all her dirt-bag friends could see how cool she was.  What a dumb-shit!  Somehow her probation officer got wind of this, and guess what?  She had terms prohibiting alcohol and weapons use/possession.  Needless to say, a home call was made, and her ass was scooped-up and taken to jail.

So anyway, here’s a few things from my digital archives (sure wish I could digitalize some of the stuff The Wife has laying all over the house).  They’ve been posted before, and are part of my Internet permanent record, but most folks won’t know that unless they’ve been following me for the past four years, in which case, your reward is in heaven.

The silver lining in the cloud of surveillance which the government has taken to lately, is: the cheap-ass Republicans which are so fond of all this monitoring, don’t wanna pay for via increased taxes, so the agencies involved don’t have the man-power to do the job.  Pretty cool  If ya stay under the radar, and don’t go posting your collection of naked young boy photos on Facebook; you’re Okay.  Remember, anything the government does, it usually fucks up.

Oh yeah…Today is The Wife and my 46th wedding anniversary.   Wonder what it would have been like if I had to wait till today to legally marry her?

Legalizing Marijuana

Wow.  Two states have legal marijuana up and running: Washington and Colorado, with Alaska, Oregon and the District of Columbia soon to be in high gear with similar legislation.  The west coast is swiftly becoming the Gold Coast, except for California.  Bummer. My own home state, which was the first to pass a medical marijuana initiative in 1996, is not goin’ for it, and voted down a proposition a few years back.  But ya know what?  I’m starting to think that’s just fine.  If you really wanna indulge in a little reefer madness, pay 65 bucks for a doctors recommendation letter ( I used a tabloid coupon and only had to pay $50) and wowie zowie, you’re legal.  You can buy your weed medication at a local dispensary, or have it delivered to your home (no Amazon drones, but some pretty spacey people).  You can possess up to eight ounces (that’s half a pound) for personal use (that’s a shit-load of weed) and grow up to six plants if ya have a green thumb.  All without the paranoia of getting busted and worrying about police.  Cause…You’re obeying the law!

Pot prices are collapsing in Washington State.  There’s a glut on the market, and many local growers are going under and facing bankruptcy.  [I wonder if the Saudis are behind it like they are with driving down oil prices?]…Well, who woulda thunk?  With cannabis legal, every stoned, totally baked pot-head in the world probably had the same flash:  “Hey, I can get rich doing my favorite thing, and grow all the weed I want”.  Problem is, they don’t call it “weed” for nothing, and anybody with a backyard, porch or empty closet can grow their own fairly easy and end up with a lifetime supply.

You see a lot of articles on Yahoo about marijuana: first it’s good for you, then it’s not.  CNBC, the business station, is constantly running marijuana stories, mainly from an investment standpoint; something new to cash in on.  Hey, why let organized crime make all the money?  Wall Street needs some of that action, they already got alcohol and tobacco wrapped up. Rumors abound that Phillip Morris and other companies are ramping-up reefer production for when total legalization occurs.  I can see it now: Marlboro Kush.

Here’s they thing that’s not sitting right with me.  Too much involvement by the Government.  I’m not a Tea Party fan (unless the tea is made with a little cannabis), but with government involvement comes taxation and regulation [my gawd, I’m sounding like a Republican].  In Washington State legal marijuana is heavily taxed; medical marijuana is not.  Guess where serious connoisseurs are gonna shop.  The Black Market (independent entrepreneurs) is alive and well.  All problems in the land of lotus eaters.

So I’m cool with the way things are here in California as they stand.  Lets wait and see how things play-out in Washington and Colorado and then jump on the Strawberry Fields Forever bandwagon so we can tax the shit outta it and once and for all solve our budgetary problems (like the Lottery did for schools).

Anyway, in California and a lot of other states that have approved medical marijuana, it’s pretty much been decriminalized and reduced to an infraction status.  The Feds are a different story.  [Gotta love the conflict all this is cause in the Right Wing: the Christian Right is against it on moral grounds, the Libertarian wing feels it’s a states rights issue, and all them fuckers can’t wait to get their hands on the potential tax revenues so they can lower corporate tax rates for their buddies.] Plus if ya wanna indulge, it’s a very low hoop to jump through to get a medical card.  Like all things in America, any problem can be solved by spending money.

Hansi’s State Of The Union Address

As is the custom in America wherein the President addresses Congress on the state of the Union (of united states), I too feel it necessary, being President and CEO of Hansi’s Hallucinations, to address the state of my blog.  First of all, I’m sure glad that over half of my audience doesn’t hate my ass as they do President Obama’s, and just can’t wait till they take over and begin to fuck things up.  Frankly, I don’t see how President Obama does it, and manages to stay so calm and act nice.  If that were me up there, I’d be subtly giving them all the finger ( pretending to remove something from my eye with my middle finger) or picking my nose and flicking a booger at those sitting on the right side of the aisle – those are the guys who just sit there and never applaud except when America is gonna bomb someone.

Well, 2014 was good for me….hope it was good for you.  I quit blogging for the second time, and also quit working part-time for my former employer in Probationland which I fondly (but not fondling) called ‘The House Of Pain’.  The break from both certainly hit the spot.  Guess I wanted as few obligations as possible.  Now I’m fully retired, and plan (or hope to hell) to never work again.  Don’t get me wrong, working in retirement was great, as long as ya made under the $15,000 Social Security limit.  But contrary to everything you read on Yahoo Finance, money isn’t everything, and I’ve found that one (or two if ya count The Wife) can live very comfortably with a simple healthy lifestyle.

In short, everything is beautiful, and I’m starting to feel groovy.

Words of Wisdom

“It’s amazing how paranoia can drive ya to take action to avoid the stuff ya fear.”

“Everything is an experiment”.

“Vote with your pocketbook, and do it often.”

“Picking one’s teeth can be a meal in itself.”

Back in my college daze, when I was actively enjoying the benefits of non-medical marijuana.  I wrote a little booklet containing Hansi’s Words of Wisdom.  Sayings which made little sense unless you were stoned.  Like: “Life is a candle made of earwax”, or “Picking one’s teeth can be a meal in itself”.  Loadie logic which sounded deep and insightful when high, but in the reality most people share, was a bunch of psychedelic bullshit.

Well maybe not all of it.  “Picking one’s teeth’ is still as profound today as it was in 1969.  Not so much a meal any longer, but still certainly a nice snack. Mmmm potato chips.

“Voting with your pocketbook” works for me today.  If some organization or corporation irks my liberal leanings, I don’t buy their shit.  If ya can’t stand the present day income disparity, shop locally.  You know, ‘Mom and Pop’ stores, like your local dispensary.   Ya might wanna try that one sometime.  “Everything is an experiment” after all.

Crash and Burn

Is everything getting ready to crash and burn; turn to shit right in front of our own eyes?  Sure seems like it.  While everyone is freezing their assess off in the northeast, those of us in California and the southwest are heading into our third year of drought, with no relief in sight.  Governor Brown is even talking about mandatory 20% water cut-backs.  How are we gonna be able to grow our own marijuana when it finally becomes legal in the ‘Golden State’?  What it means for me is: more peeing outside, and more efficient use of ‘grey-water’ on my plants.  The veggies will get water, but the poor lawn will remain brown for a long time.

I’m starting to get a little paranoid, and I don’t like it!  I don’t like living in fear, and generally try to maintain a positive attitude.  I’ve got a friend who’s an right-wing ideologue.  He listens to Rush, Michael Savage and watches Fox News all the time.  He fears catastrophe, be it a force of nature or some liberal conspiracy, it is just around the corner waiting to get him.  And although he’s privy to all the shenanigans of the left and evils of Obamacare, it’s not making him any more happier, let alone instilling a feeling of security or peace in him.  Guess if ya live in fear all the time, you become fearful.

General Insanity

That’s one of my categories down there on the lower right, and it encompasses the bulk of my posts. A lot of times, my posts fall into the “Bizarre But True” category, cause there’s always a little bit of truth (as I perceive it) in most of my writings.  There’s also a lot of stuff “Ripe For Ridicule”.  And, although I don’t see it that way, some people think “What A Wanker” (whatever that is) after reading my stuff.  Well, today, all those categories are fitting into to my seldom used category of “Politics That Piss Me Off”.

This government shutdown over the budget and raising the debt ceiling is making me crazy.  Seems like a group of Hillbilly Congressmen think they can bring the United States Government to its knees, in an attempt to resend a health-care law passed by a majority and found to be constitutional, and flirt with economic disaster, holding the country hostage while doing so..  And now, when it’s starting to back-fire on them, claim the President won’t negotiate, and want some sort of “deal” so they can save face.

Everyone living outside the United states must be thinking, “What the fuck is going on”.  My sister in Germany says that could never happen over there.  Well that’s because you gave right-wing Fascism a try, and it didn’t work out so well.  Anyway, we’re getting down to the wire with this debt ceiling thing, with all the predictions from people that don’t have their heads up their asses being: Calamity, Disaster, another recession to come. With Armageddon just around the corner, how is one to deal with it all?

Well…You know I have a rich imagination; a penchant for general insanity (not to mention all things in bad taste), plus, I also have the ‘Hots’ for Sarah Palin.  So after I saw her and Texas Senator Ted Cruz [that’s Rafael Edward “Ted” Cruz; sounds Mexican to me…I’d sure like to see his birth certificate] show up at a Tea Party demonstration outside the closed for business World War Two Memorial, and carry on about the evils of  Obama-Care, I thought, “What a bunch of hypocritical opportunists!”

After my anger subsided, I started thinking,  “Wow, this would make a great Porno Flick”.  What if Ted and Sarah, after busily working up the crowd of demonstrators, demonstrated how they could work on each other.  I can see it now.  With microphones in hand, shouting out the evils of Obama-Care, and how it’s the worst thing to happen to this country since we freed the slaves and the South lost the war, Teddy boy starts to get hot with all this right-wing foreplay.  Sarah (getting a little wet herself) unbuttons her blouse, finally revealing a little cleavage (we all knew she had a nice pair), and so the action  begins.  The Tedster, subtly moves in back of Sarah, and starts a bump and grind that strangely mimics the frenzy of their audience. Sarah, knowing that Alaska is a big state, starts to wonder about the size of Texas, and…

Okay…here’s where it could get a little raunchy and move right over into the Wankering category.  So if conservatives copulating ( but not copulating conservatively) offends you, ya better move on to your next blog and find out how life living with nine cats is going. [I know this is pretty sick stuff, but not as nauseating as some of the political stunts these two have preformed, tailor-made for ten second sound-bites.]

A few scenarios could play out here: Sarah could drop to her knees and take a tour of the Lone Star State, or, they could run off to the bushes where twenty paparazzi lay in waiting along with camera crews for all the major news networks, and explore every position mentioned in the Karma Sutra. Teddy boy, having fully recovered from his thirty hours of reading Dr Seuss to an empty Senate chamber, proves himself once again to be a man of considerable stamina.

Well….so much for my rich fantasy life.  This could never happen in reality, and is just a figment of my filthy imagination.  Maybe it’s all about how ya look at things.  I know with all this political drama going on, I’ve got a front row seat and can’t wait to see who what comes next 🙂

 

 

Fun at the Gym

The first thing I do in the morning, before firing up my computer, before checking my email for all them comments I’m getting, and before I click on the “Publish ” button and send another Hallucination out into cyber-space, is get a cup of coffee and do fifteen minutes of stretching on my living room floor.  Then it’s off to the Gym on my bicycle where I “pump iron” (do weight training ) for 30 to 40 minutes.  What a great way to start the day, all pumped up, with them few remaining drops of testosterone circulating through my system.  A true natural high.

Well, as great as all that macho bullshit is, what’s even more fun, is fucking with my good old ultra conservative , right wing Tea Party buddy Mike.  Instead of starting the morning with some yoga-like stretching and a meditative bicycle ride to the Gym, he hops in his car, turns on Hate Radio, and gets his morning blast of uber right-wing talking points.  And boy oh boy is he ever ready to unload all that crap on some poor hapless liberal who may be working out next to him.

Well, being a hapless, but not so poor, liberal (plus socialist to boot), and on top of that, a phun-loving guy who like who likes to phuck with those in need of a good phucking; I jumped on an opportunity to push his Tea Party button the other morning.

He was on the stationary bicycle (a great metaphor for those on the right who although peddling their asses off, are going nowhere), and on some sarcastic rant about how ‘great’ (turning to shit) things are in California.  When I replied from the other room, “They sure are, gay marriage is now legal again!”  [The Supreme Court having just shot down the Defense Of Marriage Act as unconstitutional].  Well sure as shit, and like Wernher Von Braun shooting off a V-2 missile, that set his ass on fire and into orbit.  When he said something about next you’ll be able to marry your dog, I shot back with, “Yeah, but only one; more would be polygamy” [a cheap shot at Mitt Romney and his Mormonism].  That sure ignited stage two of his rant, whereupon I said, ” I think people ought to be able to phuck anything they want”, proceeded to do my last set of curls and left with a smile on my face.

That was a great work-out. I think old Mike is still somewhere in orbit around Orange County.