I’m Not A Liberal Anymore

Yep,  Ol’ Hansi has gone over to the dark-side of politics, and is now a Conservative.  Although I’ve been a liberal (of the bleeding heart variety) for just about all my adult life, I’ve found that lately I haven’t been happy.  In fact, I’ve been down-right grumpy, cynical and pissed off… all the time.  My frustration usually starts early in the a.m. when I watch Morning Joe (a liberal MSNBC talk-show) and continues into the evening chased by more left-wing progressive talking head shows.

From now on none of that stuff is gonna bother me anymore.  If I hear something I disagree with, no problem…it’s fake news.  Donald Trump is a great president.  He knows the art of the deal.  He’s gonna make America great again (if all them liberals and illegal aliens would get outta the way).  Cause he’s a business man, he’ll drain the swamp in Washington – Stormy Daniels monkey business notwithstanding.  I no longer care about the double standard and am very concerned about the unborn.  Hey, everybody knows if one standard is good, two’s gotta be better, and once outside the womb, it’s open-season on your ass!  Besides, as a newly converted conservative, I now know the secret password (jesus…but don’t tell anybody) which is like a ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card. All this new found euphoria ain’t gonna come cheap for Ol’ Hansi.  I gotta rush out and buy a gun to protect my Second Amendment rights; everything is gonna be  just fine once I’m fully armed.

Wow…All this new-found conservatism is starting to look really good.  I’m a lot happier now, but I don’t think I’ll be ripping-up my medical marijuana prescription just yet.  Never know when you’ll need a little help from on High.

Disclaimer:  My writing skills being what the may, some folks might misconstrue this as absolute truth, instead of parody, satire, sarcastic lampoonery or just plain bullshit as was my intention.

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Trump

I don’t know about you, but I never in a million years thought Donald Trump would win the election.  Boy did I ever have a rude awakening the evening of November 8, 2016; started drinking early that night.  It really didn’t start to hit me until the inauguration on January 20th.  Maybe because Obama was still in charge until then, and what could go wrong?

So the drawings on this two-pager reflect some of my thoughts on the election.  I’ve since accepted it, am in recovery, but sometimes fall off the wagon and get really pissed-off.  These ‘piss-fits’ often coincide with watching cable ‘news’ channels.  When I turn on Fox (wanna be fairly balanced), I often wonder, “What planet are these phuckers living on?”  Bet they think the same thing when they turn on MSNBC, CNN, or even middle of the road NPR.

I feel much better when I don’t watch any of it.  More relaxed, peaceful, tolerant of others; life is good when ya filter out all the bullshit and not get sucked into the partisan cultural warfare that’s going on in this country. [America has always been divided since the get-go. In revolutionary days you had the colonists versus the loyalists; Civil War was North versus slave-state South; and even before the two World Wars, there were a lot of people that favored Germany].  Maybe ignorance is truly bliss.  Life is good when ya don’t have someone constantly tellin’ ya that it sucks.

Well, it’s time for me to saddle-up, and return to my bliss.

 

Fake News

It used to be that the News was the News.  Something you watched at 6:00 p.m. and turned off until Gunsmoke came on.  Now the News is on 24/7 in whichever flavor you prefer, be it middle of the road like NPR, or on the other sides of the spectrum: MSNBC vs. FOX.  I never heard about ‘fake news’ until our President told us about it and how it usually consisted of embarrassing stories about himself; all lies of course.

Sometimes it’s hard to figure out what’s real news and what’s fake.  We had ‘alternative facts’ for a while.  Thank god that was short-lived.  Guess everybody knew that was a load of crap.  Facts is facts, and unlike lifestyles, there are no alternatives…Kelly Anne Conway notwithstanding (that lady scares ol’ Hansi to death).

Sometimes it’s hard to tell if something is fake.  But it doesn’t take a trained eye to spot a knock-off.  Usually it’s flimsy, of poor quality and ya know that something is just not right.  I’ve got an easier way.  All you need is a de-coder ring, like a lot of us geezers had when we were kids, and you’ll be able to decipher anything.  And the secret code is: Everything the Prez says, the opposite is true!

If he says there was no collusion, there was collusion ‘big-league’.  If he says something is true, it’s a big fat lie.  If he makes a promise, it’ll never happen.  And if you put your trust him, you’re gonna get screwed.  [For the life of me I can’t understand why Evangelical Christians back him so much.  Don’t they know that if ya hop in bed with the Devil, someone’s gonna get phucked?]

And speaking of getting screwed with lying one’s ass off sprinkled on top:  porn star Stormy Daniels.  At $130,000 a serving, that must have been the best slice in the history of intercourse ( or that money can buy).  Now the Stormstress is telling all…guess it’s hard to keep your mouth shut in that business.

So…Don’t be fooled no more.  Yes means No, and No means Yes.  The truth has become bullshit, and bullshit has become the truth.

 

June 27, 2015

I thought I’d throw a couple of things up on the ol’ blog-o-spearsphere and see what sticks.  Well, everything sticks cause putting anything on the Internet is like etching it in stone.  Unlike a fart, which once unleashed eventually dissipates and leaves no permanent record (except in some people’s minds), Internet/computer stuff is there forever and don’t go away.  Eee-gad!  can you imagine what it would be like if the government had computers and things got turned around, so instead of them helping us to have a better ‘American experience’, they started spying on us?

Gotta watch what ya put out there on the Internet.  Reminds me of when I was fighting crime back there in Probationland (sure glad I’m not doing that shit anymore).  A female probationer must have gotten drunk and had her loser boyfriend take some photo’s of her being a little gang-bangerette holding a bottle of Tequila and some firearms, and posted it on Facebook so all her dirt-bag friends could see how cool she was.  What a dumb-shit!  Somehow her probation officer got wind of this, and guess what?  She had terms prohibiting alcohol and weapons use/possession.  Needless to say, a home call was made, and her ass was scooped-up and taken to jail.

So anyway, here’s a few things from my digital archives (sure wish I could digitalize some of the stuff The Wife has laying all over the house).  They’ve been posted before, and are part of my Internet permanent record, but most folks won’t know that unless they’ve been following me for the past four years, in which case, your reward is in heaven.

The silver lining in the cloud of surveillance which the government has taken to lately, is: the cheap-ass Republicans which are so fond of all this monitoring, don’t wanna pay for via increased taxes, so the agencies involved don’t have the man-power to do the job.  Pretty cool  If ya stay under the radar, and don’t go posting your collection of naked young boy photos on Facebook; you’re Okay.  Remember, anything the government does, it usually fucks up.

Oh yeah…Today is The Wife and my 46th wedding anniversary.   Wonder what it would have been like if I had to wait till today to legally marry her?

Legalizing Marijuana

Wow.  Two states have legal marijuana up and running: Washington and Colorado, with Alaska, Oregon and the District of Columbia soon to be in high gear with similar legislation.  The west coast is swiftly becoming the Gold Coast, except for California.  Bummer. My own home state, which was the first to pass a medical marijuana initiative in 1996, is not goin’ for it, and voted down a proposition a few years back.  But ya know what?  I’m starting to think that’s just fine.  If you really wanna indulge in a little reefer madness, pay 65 bucks for a doctors recommendation letter ( I used a tabloid coupon and only had to pay $50) and wowie zowie, you’re legal.  You can buy your weed medication at a local dispensary, or have it delivered to your home (no Amazon drones, but some pretty spacey people).  You can possess up to eight ounces (that’s half a pound) for personal use (that’s a shit-load of weed) and grow up to six plants if ya have a green thumb.  All without the paranoia of getting busted and worrying about police.  Cause…You’re obeying the law!

Pot prices are collapsing in Washington State.  There’s a glut on the market, and many local growers are going under and facing bankruptcy.  [I wonder if the Saudis are behind it like they are with driving down oil prices?]…Well, who woulda thunk?  With cannabis legal, every stoned, totally baked pot-head in the world probably had the same flash:  “Hey, I can get rich doing my favorite thing, and grow all the weed I want”.  Problem is, they don’t call it “weed” for nothing, and anybody with a backyard, porch or empty closet can grow their own fairly easy and end up with a lifetime supply.

You see a lot of articles on Yahoo about marijuana: first it’s good for you, then it’s not.  CNBC, the business station, is constantly running marijuana stories, mainly from an investment standpoint; something new to cash in on.  Hey, why let organized crime make all the money?  Wall Street needs some of that action, they already got alcohol and tobacco wrapped up. Rumors abound that Phillip Morris and other companies are ramping-up reefer production for when total legalization occurs.  I can see it now: Marlboro Kush.

Here’s they thing that’s not sitting right with me.  Too much involvement by the Government.  I’m not a Tea Party fan (unless the tea is made with a little cannabis), but with government involvement comes taxation and regulation [my gawd, I’m sounding like a Republican].  In Washington State legal marijuana is heavily taxed; medical marijuana is not.  Guess where serious connoisseurs are gonna shop.  The Black Market (independent entrepreneurs) is alive and well.  All problems in the land of lotus eaters.

So I’m cool with the way things are here in California as they stand.  Lets wait and see how things play-out in Washington and Colorado and then jump on the Strawberry Fields Forever bandwagon so we can tax the shit outta it and once and for all solve our budgetary problems (like the Lottery did for schools).

Anyway, in California and a lot of other states that have approved medical marijuana, it’s pretty much been decriminalized and reduced to an infraction status.  The Feds are a different story.  [Gotta love the conflict all this is cause in the Right Wing: the Christian Right is against it on moral grounds, the Libertarian wing feels it’s a states rights issue, and all them fuckers can’t wait to get their hands on the potential tax revenues so they can lower corporate tax rates for their buddies.] Plus if ya wanna indulge, it’s a very low hoop to jump through to get a medical card.  Like all things in America, any problem can be solved by spending money.

Hansi’s State Of The Union Address

As is the custom in America wherein the President addresses Congress on the state of the Union (of united states), I too feel it necessary, being President and CEO of Hansi’s Hallucinations, to address the state of my blog.  First of all, I’m sure glad that over half of my audience doesn’t hate my ass as they do President Obama’s, and just can’t wait till they take over and begin to fuck things up.  Frankly, I don’t see how President Obama does it, and manages to stay so calm and act nice.  If that were me up there, I’d be subtly giving them all the finger ( pretending to remove something from my eye with my middle finger) or picking my nose and flicking a booger at those sitting on the right side of the aisle – those are the guys who just sit there and never applaud except when America is gonna bomb someone.

Well, 2014 was good for me….hope it was good for you.  I quit blogging for the second time, and also quit working part-time for my former employer in Probationland which I fondly (but not fondling) called ‘The House Of Pain’.  The break from both certainly hit the spot.  Guess I wanted as few obligations as possible.  Now I’m fully retired, and plan (or hope to hell) to never work again.  Don’t get me wrong, working in retirement was great, as long as ya made under the $15,000 Social Security limit.  But contrary to everything you read on Yahoo Finance, money isn’t everything, and I’ve found that one (or two if ya count The Wife) can live very comfortably with a simple healthy lifestyle.

In short, everything is beautiful, and I’m starting to feel groovy.

Words of Wisdom

“It’s amazing how paranoia can drive ya to take action to avoid the stuff ya fear.”

“Everything is an experiment”.

“Vote with your pocketbook, and do it often.”

“Picking one’s teeth can be a meal in itself.”

Back in my college daze, when I was actively enjoying the benefits of non-medical marijuana.  I wrote a little booklet containing Hansi’s Words of Wisdom.  Sayings which made little sense unless you were stoned.  Like: “Life is a candle made of earwax”, or “Picking one’s teeth can be a meal in itself”.  Loadie logic which sounded deep and insightful when high, but in the reality most people share, was a bunch of psychedelic bullshit.

Well maybe not all of it.  “Picking one’s teeth’ is still as profound today as it was in 1969.  Not so much a meal any longer, but still certainly a nice snack. Mmmm potato chips.

“Voting with your pocketbook” works for me today.  If some organization or corporation irks my liberal leanings, I don’t buy their shit.  If ya can’t stand the present day income disparity, shop locally.  You know, ‘Mom and Pop’ stores, like your local dispensary.   Ya might wanna try that one sometime.  “Everything is an experiment” after all.