mind expanding nonsense

Archive for the ‘General Insanity’ Category

Global Warning

I really meant the title of this post to be Global Warming, but instead of typing an m, I typed an n.   And because my spell-checker didn’t catch it as a mis-spelling, I wasn’t aware of my blunder until later..  So much for all this artificial intelligence crap; I knew what I meant.  From now on I’m gonna stick with my own natural, organic, 100% whole wheat, analogue intelligence. Anyway, what’s the big deal?  N or M.  As we used to say in the probation department, ‘close enough for government work’.

Everybody in North America knows there ain’t no global warning warming.  This winter we’ve been freezing our asses off.  Meanwhile, those who live in the southwest have been suffering from drought and heat-waves. [Maybe if they hadn’t shut down all them coal fired power plants we’d have enough electricity to run our air conditioners 24/7.

The Green New Deal they’re talking about means no more driving- unless ya own a Prius or one of them all electric cars which ya charge-up with your own electricity which comes from a nuclear power plant.  I think the real culprit is all them farting cows releasing noxious methane gas into the air.  Does that also mean no more hamburgers? (which makes me fart…must be cow karma).  My solution is to attach a little device with a pilot light to their top sirloins, and poof, no more methane.  It would be like when ya had a box of matches when you were a kid and played ‘fun with flatulence’.

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Per-Verse

 

Pu-lease

What a sleaze

Makes me wanna sneeze

Like a blustery breeze

With a scent of cheese

(Which is good for your knees)

All to be at ease.

Oh jeez

It’s gonna freeze

Let’s go out for some Chinese.

No way!

I’m not rollin’ in the hay

That’ll be the day

Some people say

So I think I’m gonna stay

To avoid the fray

Come as it may

Sitting on the dock of the bay

There’ll be hell to pay

Hey hey hey

Doin’ it my way.

 

Memory Bank

I wish I had a tape recorder in my head so I could record all the shit I think about, and then play it back at my leisure to evaluate if there was anything of socially redeeming value left behind. From what I do recall, the contents are usually fairly shallow, and if they hold my attention at all, mainly consist of mesmerizing fantasies.

Wouldn’t it be cool if there was a way to slow it all down  and evaluate each thought that strolls through your mind?  You could score each thought on a scale of 1 to 10.  One being shear bullshit, and ten something worthy of action.  Then ya wouldn’t save to save them up in your memory bank (mine is bank-rupt).  I can sorta do that now, but usually they come whippin’ by so fast I can’t focus on one for the distraction of another.  Then there’s the instant evaluation as to like or dis-like, with clinging on to the ‘likes’ and jettisoning the ‘dis-likes’ before they grow into paranoia.  Right now I’m consistently scoring in the high 3’s.

…I wrote this the night before my seventy second birthday – Birthday Eve.  Boy, I could sure go for some birthday cake right about now.

Smile

Although it may not seem like it at times, the world isn’t such a bad place.  The earth is still my favorite planet despite all its shortcomings. That’s why at least once a day, when the situation warrants, I try to smile.  It’s good for ya.

Dirty Limericks

I love dirty limericks, you know, those five line verses that are usually outrageous, sometimes obscene (the funnier ones) and have witty rhymes usually dealing with one’s anatomy.  The men from Nantucket and Trent are among my favorites, (shame on you if ya know what I’m talking about).  If you’re familiar with these two, good for you.  If not, you’ll have to look ’em up on Wikipedia.  (see ribald version).

I can’t print them here cause they’re way too nasty, and this is an All American Boy (of German descent) wholesome blog.  What I did is clean them up a bit, while still hinting at their bawdy nature.  So get your filthy mind outta the gutter and enjoy.

There once was a man from Trent.

Who couldn’t afford to pay the rent

He said it was no trouble

“Next month I’ll pay double

Cause right now all my assets have been spent.”

*

There once was a man from Nantucket.

Who carried his lunch in a bucket.

When he started to dig in,

Milk exploded from a tin,

So instead of chewing, he had to suck it.

 

No Explanation Needed

Sometimes these drawings need no explanation whatsoever.  They are what they are, and they don’t need a deeper understanding (which could only lead your filthy imagination to dirty thoughts, and that’s not good).  Other times I just come up short and have nothing to say.  That’s because I drew all this stuff months ago, and have since, totally forgotten what  I was thinking about.  There are however, brief glimpses of insight when I draw and write at the same time.  That’s the best of both worlds.

October

October must have been a pretty strange month.  All I can remember is that was sandwiched in there between September and November…if my memory serves me well.   And that’s the problem.  Lately, I’ve been getting some fairly shoddy service outta my memory.  It’s always late, not dependable, and if I took it out for a drive to the desert, I’d probably crap-out and leave me stranded.

 

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