I got a phone call recently telling me that I just won the lottery and there was a 25 million dollar prize just waiting for me. 25 MILLION DOLLARS!!! This was my lucky day, and I was the luckiest person on earth cause I didn’t even buy a ticket, and presto outta the blue I’m a big winner. How cool. I told the guy to send me the check ASAP, cause in the two minutes I was on the phone, I’d already spent half of it, and that money was already burning a hole in my pocket. Well hold on Bonzo, it wasn’t that easy. See, because of technicalities, fees and a host of other impoverishing bullshit, I needed to send them some money first in-order for the (my) check to be released to me. Needless to say, my enthusiasm quickly diminished as a little voice in the back of my head started screaming FRAUD!
After declining my fortune and hanging up, I went on Google (the source of all knowledge) and indeed verified that this was a common scam, and yes, you never get something for nothing. I vowed revenge next time.
Well, sure as shit, there was a next time; I guess they got tired of pretending to be Windows technicians. So when the guy with the heavy Indian accent told me I was a winner, I expressed my joy and
udder utter dis-belief of such sudden good fortune with every four lettered word and expression I’d ever heard in a junior high school locker room or seen written on a bathroom wall. “Well I’ll be dipped in shit” was my first response, and it took a nose-dive into the gutter from there covering all orifices both coming and going. Every foul, crude, tasteless and disgusting expression I could think of came out of my potty mouth in a gigantic cosmic dry-heave of profanity and filth.
Funny thing was, despite all this verbal sewage, the guy on the other end seem totally unfazed. Maybe it was the language barrier ( I was adding a lot of southern style twang ), or maybe it went over his head and he was just patiently waiting for me to give up my credit card number. Anyway, after my verbal diarrhea dried up, I told him to phuck-off and hung-up the phone.
I know a lot of you may be thinking, “Now Hansi, that’s an angry response, and all them cuss words wasn’t very nice.” Well maybe. But this guy was a crook who was trying to rip me and other unsuspecting Seniors off. I wanted to give him the message that ya Don’t Phuck With Old Folks!