mind expanding nonsense

Archive for February, 2018

My Last Drawings

I never really finished filling up the pages on this one.  That’s because when I started blogging again, I totally stopped drawing.  It’s hard to do both.  Drawing is a non-verbal right side of the brain activity, while blogging (writing stuff) is a very verbal left side of the brain activity that requires paying attention.  Unlike politics, both sides of my brain are good and come in handy.  I do, however prefer the right side (brain only), for my internal dialogue resides on the left side of my brain.  Sometimes I try to get into a conversation with my internal dialogue, but he usually hogs the conversation.  When he isn’t, we’re often having arguments about shit that’s happened in the past or sharing scenarios of doom in the future.

 

The two sides of ones brain are not separated by some kind of impenetrable wall like the one we’re gonna have between us and Mexico (which they are gonna pay for).  There’s a lot of seepage (like our present chain-link fence) between the two.  That’s why I find it best to live in the present moment.  Unfortunately, my present moment typically consists of daydreaming about stuff I’d like to do in the future or re-living incidents in the past.  Mindfulness allows one to hear their inner dialogue, but not listen to it.  Mindlessness sucks ya into the dialogue, with the false hope that a sound logical argument could change its mind.

Living in the USA

“I’m so glad I’m livin’ in the USA.  Where hamburgers sizzle on an open grill all night and day; the jukebox jumpin’ with records in the USA.  Anything ya want, they got it right here in the USA”.  So sang 50’s black rocker Chuck Berry before he was sent to prison for taking a 14 year-old white girl across state lines for “lewd and immoral purposes”.  What could be better than living in the USA?  Well, seven other countries like: Switzerland, Canada, Germany, the U.K., Japan, Sweden and Australia in that order according to a US News and World Report article; the US is number eight.

Switzerland number One? Hmm, that neutral country that used to make our watches.  Canada? Are they even a foreign country?  They really don’t count cause they’re right next door to us; no wall yet.  Germany and Japan?  Didn’t we kick their asses (Germany twice) in some war a long time go?  The U.K. I can understand, I’m still a big Beatles and Rolling Stones fan.  Sweden?  I’m of Norwegian descent and Swedes are our mortal enemies.  [Norway did win the most medals in the Winter Olympics, by the way; maybe some of them could immigrate to America and be on our ski team].  Hard to believe America is number eight, even behind Australia of all places [fake news if I ever heard it].   Sure  hope we’re above ‘shit-hole’ status.

Here’s a little secret that only you and I will know.  ‘Best’ doesn’t mean Greatest. Best is good, and in some cases pretty good, but ‘Greatest” is better than best.  All those other countries just copied America.  They’re all democracies (our invention), some have socialism (which is okay as long as I don’t have to pay for it), and …they all have Mc Donalds!!

So there you have it.  You always imitate the Greatest, not necessarily the ‘best’.  I may not have a great big house, or a German car – yet.  But I’m getting there.  Through no effort on my own, America is getting greater and greater on a daily basis.  Just ask Chuck Berry.

 

Trump

I don’t know about you, but I never in a million years thought Donald Trump would win the election.  Boy did I ever have a rude awakening the evening of November 8, 2016; started drinking early that night.  It really didn’t start to hit me until the inauguration on January 20th.  Maybe because Obama was still in charge until then, and what could go wrong?

So the drawings on this two-pager reflect some of my thoughts on the election.  I’ve since accepted it, am in recovery, but sometimes fall off the wagon and get really pissed-off.  These ‘piss-fits’ often coincide with watching cable ‘news’ channels.  When I turn on Fox (wanna be fairly balanced), I often wonder, “What planet are these phuckers living on?”  Bet they think the same thing when they turn on MSNBC, CNN, or even middle of the road NPR.

I feel much better when I don’t watch any of it.  More relaxed, peaceful, tolerant of others; life is good when ya filter out all the bullshit and not get sucked into the partisan cultural warfare that’s going on in this country. [America has always been divided since the get-go. In revolutionary days you had the colonists versus the loyalists; Civil War was North versus slave-state South; and even before the two World Wars, there were a lot of people that favored Germany].  Maybe ignorance is truly bliss.  Life is good when ya don’t have someone constantly tellin’ ya that it sucks.

Well, it’s time for me to saddle-up, and return to my bliss.

 

Advice for Seniors

“Hello Seniors!”  Ever get a phone call that starts with “hello seniors”?  An annoying recorded message no doubt aimed at sellin’ ya something you really don’t need.  I usually hang-up, but sometimes first unload with some potty-mouthed classics telling them where they can go, where they can stick it and what they can do to themselves.  I know…that’s not very nice, but hey…it’s only a recording and nobody is really listening on the other end, and, it’s a good way to vent.

What really fries me is older ‘senior’ celebrities trying to sell reverse mortgages as a solution to all our financial problems.  It’s hard to argue with the likes of Tom Selleck and Henry Winkler, after all, that ‘s The Fonz and Magnum P.I. and surely they’d never lie to us.

Getting older is no piece of cake, but certainly beats the alternative, and  Dealing with change is especially hard.  I hate it when I go to my favorite grocery store -Trader Joes – And find that everything has been moved around to a more ‘convenient’ location.  When I go to a store, I wanna go right to where my item is located, pick it up and leave a quickly as possible.  Shopping is never fun.

What really bugs me is when something you’ve always taken for granted and centered your life upon is changed.  It used to be that garment tags were always placed on the back of underwear inside the waistband.  The last pack The Wife bought me ( I don’t buy anything I can’t consume or listen to) had the tags in front, and on the outside of the waistband.  You can see all the problems that would cause an old guy mindlessly going through life on cruise control.  You could end up wearing your drawers inside-out (not so awful if you’re trying to squeeze out a little extra mileage between washings by flipping ’em).  The worst thing is discovering, usually in a public restroom, that you’ve but on your hangers backwards and can’t find that handy little pocket.  The transient in the next stall probably wondering what the heck is going on in there.

Well, ya can’t trust nothin’ these days. Not the Fonz, not Magnum P.I.  From now on, when it comes to me and my beliefs briefs, it’s yellow in front and brown in the rear.

Almost 70

 

I did these ones (remember that they are separate drawings drawn on separate days)  back in February 2017 when I was about to turn seventy (yes…Hansi is an old phucker).  This page is especially bizarre.  If you look closely, you’ll notice that a lot of these shapes look similar: striped sausages, some with polka-dots?  I see it more as a variation on a theme, than obsession.

Getting old is a trip, and if ya don’t watch it, a fall.  Don’t wanna fall down!  I’ve found that moderate cannabis use can ease the pains of aging (arthritis etc.) and provide a non-alcoholic way to relax and enjoy music.  TV is better with weed, but if too stoned, short term memory loss can really kick-in, making it nearly impossible to follow a story-line. Music is what really sounds good when you’re high.  Especially all that stuff we were listening to in the sixties (they were all loaded too).

Don’t think I’m advocating marijuana use for everybody. In my state it’s totally legal*.  My feeling is: If you don’t have your shit together, you shouldn’t smoke pot.  There’s some really potent shit out there, that can blow your mind and distort things which just aren’t real (like my drawings).  Plus, if you have an addictive personality, No Way.  Sure, marijuana isn’t addictive, but if you’re an addict (as in personality disorder), you gotta watch anything which can get out of control

 

*  Legality is a mixed blessing.  I personally voted against it feeling that with legalization comes taxation and regulation (I’m not a republican!)  Medical marijuana was working just fine if you wanted to stay legal and paid $60 for your special doctor, who spends an intense five minutes examining you (sometimes via Skype) to determine that you too could benefit and ease suffering with medicinal marijuana – what a joke!  But you were legal. Now it’s all about money, and how everybody can their cut of the action.  The new California Gold Rush is on full blast.  And the only one who’ll get hurt is the consumer.

Xmas

This past Christmas The wife hung these pine scented candles on our Xmas tree because the tree had no pine smell to it.  How a pine tree doesn’t have a scent is beyond me.  Maybe Monsanto has even genetically modified Xmas trees not to smell so they can sell us pine scented products (same division that makes the herbicide Round-Up) on the side.  The problem was, to me, these scented candles smelled like the cakes they throw in urinals to keep the stink down.  Kinda spoils the Yuletide festivities when your front room smells like a gas station restroom.  Every time I stood next to our beautifully decorated tree to admire all the ornaments, I found myself unzipping my pants and wanting to take a whizz on it.

Here’s Another One

 

This one is two years old; I did it during December 2015 B.T.  B T stands for before Trump – don’t even wanna think about how AT (after trump) is gonna be.  I really don’t want to jump right into a political rant, cause I’ll just end up pissed-off, grumpy and a touch paranoid. Plus, I don’t want the whole blog-o-sphere thinkin’, ol’ Hansi once again over-medicated; and say, “Wow….Is he ever on a bummer.”

So….enough of that.  Let’s see what we got going on here.

We got a woman with purple hair (that’s good for starters), wearing a red and puke-green dress (stripes mandatory).  A polka-dotted reindeer (fits right in).  A green and pink striped object (NOT phallic symbol!) with tu-tu (gotta have on of those).  And a nude (wouldn’t be Hansi without one) with compartmentalized (big word) body parts floating/reclining among a sea of orbs (NOT fertility symbols!).  Even ol’ Hot Dog Man makes an appearance (ya he’s still hanging around).   This is one of my better one’s for sure.

 

 

December is one of the weirdest months of the year.  Everybody gets into a frenzy of buying stuff in order to celebrate the birth of a teacher who encouraged everyone to give away their possessions and lead a simple peaceful life not being overly concerned about one’s future well-being.  But that’s not the real reason we go through all that.  It’s because it’s the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year when the sun sets the lowest in its travel over our skies [astronomers would argue that it’s because of the earths axis and how it rotates in its orbit – fake news if I ever heard it].

The stupid pagans thought they had to sacrifice a virgin (good luck finding one of those these days) to coax the sun back from sinking in the ocean.  We modern people, who have smart phones, know it’s to keep the economy from sinking into a recession.  If you live in America (better not be here illegally) you get a head start on all the madness because we have Thanksgiving in late November.  And why is that so covetously good?  Because the day after Thanksgiving is Black Friday. [Thanksgiving – Black Friday, Hmmmm.  The lord givest and the lord takest away.]  Nothing more American than going out shopping on a Thursday evening with a bellyful of turkey and mashed potatoes n gravy.

He’s Back

For any of you who remember Hot Dog Man…He’s back!  This is what Hot Dog Man looks like when he’s had too much medication.  Not that there’s anything wrong with too much medication; I do believe that everybody functions at their best when properly medicated.  It’s that sometimes, too much is just…too much.  But then again there’s a certain compelling logic to the “if a little is good, a lot is better” school of thought.

Despite the fact that I’m blurting this stuff out to the whole worldwide web (half a dozen followers for this blog) my drawings are not for general consumption.  Hot Dog Man is kinda like an alter-ego for me.  I get to act out through him, what The Wife never allows me to do when she’s home.  I rarely show my sketchbooks to her friends.  They’ll politely look through them, but are mostly aghast, and later question her about any obsessive-compulsive behaviors I might have.   All a total embarrassment, which I happily post for your edification.

2016

I call this one Two Thousand Sixteen.  Mainly because that’s the year I drew all this stuff (gawd do I ever wish it was 2016 again).  Pretty tricky dating your drawings with a drawing of the date (had no clue at the time).  I don’t know what to tell ya about this one.  Maybe you should look at it a while, then close your eyes and imagine all these things floating around in your living-room.  If you then open your eyes and they’re still there, better call 911.

Switching from mindless babel blog to art blog, what I’m trying to do is create shapes with contrasting colors.  Don’t try to read too much into them, for to me, ‘subject matter doesn’t matter’. Some of them work okay: the green and yellow striped oval is nice, but don’t look at it to long – your mind will start to wonder. The pink and green peace symbol: so so.  The orange with blue polka-dot sliced salami…I’ll let you be the judge.

White Paper

I’m a multi-media sort of guy.   Most of the stuff I’ve been posting recently has been on brown paper.  But I don’t just use brown paper only, I use white paper too!  In fact, I use quite a lot of white paper because brown paper sketch books are really expensive so ya only wanna put you really good stuff in them.  Old Hansi ain’t made of money.  I don’t wanna end up like some of my broke social security buddies having to eat cat food in order to survive.  Every time I go over for dinner at their house, I gotta ask if we’re having canned food or kibbles – I really don’t like dry-food.

Fake News

It used to be that the News was the News.  Something you watched at 6:00 p.m. and turned off until Gunsmoke came on.  Now the News is on 24/7 in whichever flavor you prefer, be it middle of the road like NPR, or on the other sides of the spectrum: MSNBC vs. FOX.  I never heard about ‘fake news’ until our President told us about it and how it usually consisted of embarrassing stories about himself; all lies of course.

Sometimes it’s hard to figure out what’s real news and what’s fake.  We had ‘alternative facts’ for a while.  Thank god that was short-lived.  Guess everybody knew that was a load of crap.  Facts is facts, and unlike lifestyles, there are no alternatives…Kelly Anne Conway notwithstanding (that lady scares ol’ Hansi to death).

Sometimes it’s hard to tell if something is fake.  But it doesn’t take a trained eye to spot a knock-off.  Usually it’s flimsy, of poor quality and ya know that something is just not right.  I’ve got an easier way.  All you need is a de-coder ring, like a lot of us geezers had when we were kids, and you’ll be able to decipher anything.  And the secret code is: Everything the Prez says, the opposite is true!

If he says there was no collusion, there was collusion ‘big-league’.  If he says something is true, it’s a big fat lie.  If he makes a promise, it’ll never happen.  And if you put your trust him, you’re gonna get screwed.  [For the life of me I can’t understand why Evangelical Christians back him so much.  Don’t they know that if ya hop in bed with the Devil, someone’s gonna get phucked?]

And speaking of getting screwed with lying one’s ass off sprinkled on top:  porn star Stormy Daniels.  At $130,000 a serving, that must have been the best slice in the history of intercourse ( or that money can buy).  Now the Stormstress is telling all…guess it’s hard to keep your mouth shut in that business.

So…Don’t be fooled no more.  Yes means No, and No means Yes.  The truth has become bullshit, and bullshit has become the truth.

 

Writing Stuff Down

 

november

If I wanna remember anything and use it in the future, I gotta write it down.  Cause if I don’t, I’ll forget.  [ I wonder when and where I wrote down “get up three times a night and pee”…weird how I seem to remember that one without a sign plastered on my bedroom wall.]    If I didn’t write November on the above drawing, I’d never know when I drew it, despite the fact that I sign and date all my stuff…must be that yellow post-it on my sketch-book.

It’s funny how one tends to remember all the bad stuff that happened to ya, and forget most of the good stuff.  Maybe that’s why I prefer to have a rich fantasy life.  These drawings reflect some of that fantasy life, but for the life of me I can’t remember what it was….by the looks of it, it must of been pretty good.

november detail (2)

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