mind expanding nonsense

Archive for September, 2011

Why Is Shit Pissing Me Off ?


Pretty cool title. Two bathroom humor laden topics in one sentence. Could have added the “F” word a couple of times to make it even more potty mouthed, but thought to myself,  “Phuck-it, that’d be a little too goddamn much.”  I think you know what I mean though , and that’s why I love slang and street terms so much; they’re oh so descriptive and say things succinctly. A more clear title would have been “Why are certain things irritating me so much?” But certain things aren’t just ‘irritating me’; Shit is pissing me off!!!

But why?  Well that’s a no-brainer, I don’t like the way things are going and want it my way. Now I never though I used to be that way, but increasingly I’m seeing the way things are; the way things work, as not necessarily being in my own interests, let alone for my benefit. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older. Maybe it’s because I’m a little more helpless. Maybe I’m dependent on certain institutions remaining in place as were promised: Social Security and my pension in particular. And don’t want forces beyond my control to mess with them.  Hey, I played by the rules for forty years; don’t go changing them on me now. That’s the kind of shit that’s pissing me off.

Perhaps I’m in an advanced stage of Geezer-hood and that comes with the territory. Like becoming forgetful during the early stages of Alzheimer’s. They didn’t have Alzheimer’s when I was a kid. You just had a bunch of crazy old folks running around. Now I can catch that disease, and there’s even more stuff to be afraid of. New Boogie-men hiding in the dark! Thought I out-grew that irrational fear thing.

I wonder if it’s all just in my head, or is it real? I know we’re being constantly reminded of all the bad shit that can happen as we age. And I’m thinking about it all the time. Even when I’m harmlessly using the computer. There’s always scary stories on Yahoo. And if you go to Yahoo Finance, damn, you’ll think you ain’t ever gonna retire. Or worse yet, survive retirement. I mean like I even went back to work at the House of Pain, just as a little hedge against uncertainty. But when has there ever been Certainty?

You know what’s far out? I’m embracing parts of getting older, “Geezer-hood”, as I prefer to call it. Having a lot of free time to pursue interests fully. Not having to impress people. Not having to live up to certain standards. Not “having” to be in the work-force…all that 60’s hippie stuff. There’s a freedom I’m enjoying by jumping fully into Geezer-hood. So why is shit pissing me off? Because I’m resisting the dementia that is the world today. But when I immerse myself into Geezer-hood fully, I realize that my own dementia is just part of the worldly dementia, and I feel right at home…Everything is crazy.

Oh yea…The above drawing really has nothing to do with the content of this post, unless of course it’s a glimpse into my own form of dementia.  The one below does.

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Life Without The Internet

Although I love to ridicule them, I still love the Word Press blog idea prompts. Only get em if ya publish though. This one hit a little closer to home for me: “What’s the longest you’d want to live without Internet access?”

See what I mean. There’s a shit-load of possible answers there, and all good for blog fodder. Some of my first answers were:

Until I die of natural causes.

Two days.

Until some one came around and put me out of my misery.

And lastly…. There’s life without Internet access?

But that got me to thinking about life before the Internet. The big thing for me as a kid was getting a TV in the early 50’s.  Cartoons, then the Mickey Mouse club; and Annette! It only got better. A superb stereo system in the 70’s, and life got sweet. Didn’t get much better than that. And you know what? I didn’t get much better than that. Has all this technology really improved my life that much? I don’t think so. Seems like I may be missing out on some experiences cause I’m too busy keeping up with things in this ever more-so “connected” world.

Sure there’s a lot of information available, some even useful, like when ya want to know how to get someplace. Oh yeah! You can also save on postage stamps with e-mail. But I’m getting an information over-load and I ain’t getting any happier; I’m getting pissed! Why the hell am I sitting in front of a computer watching a screen when I could be outside watching my green beans grow? Talking to my carrots. Picking them big fat evil green worms off of my tomatoes.

So….here I sit. In front of the computer, listening to music I’ve downloaded blasting out of a pretty good stereo system, dreaming up strange bullshit for the whole world to enjoy. Well medicated and having a good time. Doesn’t get much better than that. Shit, I can’t live without this.

And thank you Word press for another inspirational blog post. You guys are the best!

See people do actually use those lame prompts for blog posts.

Nerf Guns

There’s an arms race going on out there, and it’s not between the US and China or some other country, but among our kids. It looks like the people who brought us the Nerf Ball are now busy arming our kids to the teeth with guns and rifles that shoot little orange darts.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not against boys playing with guns. I did. And next to playing with their penises, it’s our favorite pastime.

My 2 year old grandson loves playing with the little pump-up shooter we have at home.  I pump it a few times he presses the button. I say “weeeeee” and it shoots three feet into the air. He merrily chases after it and wants to do it again, and again and again. [Hmmm…sounds like some other past-time that little boys grow up to like].  My 7 year old grandson has a Nerf six-shooter revolver; a piece of crap that’s already broken. The kids down the street have Nerf shotguns and a rifle which comes with full clip of Nerf darts. But now for only $29.99, at Target, your kid can sit behind a Nerf Machine gun, complete with tripod and ammo belt of 25 darts, and like the kid in the Sunday ad, spray the neighborhood with a smile on his face.

I may be old fashioned, for I always preferred to make love and not war; and in the 60’s the only thing I wanted to shoot was a wad of boys into the reservoir end of a condom. But this is frickin’ over the edge. I can just see it now. My blond little grandson, who we’ll call “G I Joe” locking and loading, and laying down a field of fire on the little Asian kids down the street, who we’ll just happen to call “Charlie” . Or get together with the other boys and do a team sport thing: kinda like shirts vs skins like in PE.   All the boys with camouflage shirts on one side, while the kids in plain white t-shirts, take them off and wrap them around their heads like a towel, and be on the other side. Let the fun begin.  Wow…good thing the Nerf company doesn’t make car bombs.

I’m not a conspiracy theorist, cause nobody seems able to keep their mouths shut long enough these days for anything to turn into a real conspiracy. But I gotta question who or what is behind this mini arms race and what it means. I can’t believe its just demand form young boys for ever more lethal weaponry. In the 50’s, I thought I had the Ultimate Weapon when I cut a crude gun shape out of plywood, stuck a clothespin on one end, and shot rubber bands made from old inner tubes about ten feet. I sure hope it’s just good ol’ American Capitalism cashing in on the latest craze. And like the hula-hoop, will die its own natural death. But if our government is somehow involved, and in anticipation of being in Afghanistan forever, is grooming the next generation of ‘volunteers’ to keep us safe, well I just don’t want to go there. “Be a real patriot son. War is fun. Those darts didn’t hurt, did they”

WE’RE  DOOMED!!

Hansi

Wow…how’s that for an egotistical, self centered, ‘It’s all about me’ type of post. Well, this is Hansi’s Hallucinations, not Somebody else s Hallucinations, cause then you’d be reading Somebody else s stuff and not mine. So if it’s Hansi’s Hallucinations, then you’re in store for one of my hallucinations. Anyway this is more about Openness and being Open, than about hallucinating. Not like leaving the barn-door open, (or worse yet, leaving Your barn-door open), but about accepting new, or old stuff, in a non-judgmental manner willing to explore it, or even embrace it.

Now here’s a little secret. My real name isn’t Hansi. Close, but not the one on my genuine United States of America Los Angeles County birth certificate. Although I had a German mother, I was actually named after my grandfather on who’s birthday I was born. His name was Hans (pronounced or sounds like hands), and he was Norwegian! I grew up however being called Hansi, because that was a term of endearment used, mostly by German women, for my name. Got it figured out yet?

So I grew up as “Hansi”. That’s what I went by in grade school. That’s what the other kids knew me by. There weren’t any other “Hansis” around. I had a unique name growing up in L A  in the 50’s, you know, like right after WWII.   I really didn’t like being of German decent, didn’t like hearing German spoken in the house; I wanted to American.

In late Junior High, I left the whole Hansi thing behind and started going by my real name (rhymes with schwance). Here’s a trip, through out my professional career as a crime fighter I was know pretty much by my first name only (easier than pronouncing my last name correctly, especially for clients who called me “Mr. Hans”). No other Hansis there either. And that was the problem, I never met another person with my name, and due to egotistical stupid thinking, thought I was the only one [I’m still the only “Hansi” don’t cha know]..

That all changed when I went to Germany last Fall for a family reunion. But what blew me away the most is what I saw on German TV while at my sisters house (she lives in Germany). I saw Hansi Hinterseer. Hansi is Austrian and a former World cup alpine skier turned Pop singer. With long wavy blond hair an good looks, he had a show on that he did in Bavaria, south eastern Germany where the wear all the funny ethnic clothes like they wore in the Frankenstein movies. He was blowing them all away. Women went ga ga, holding up signs with Hansi and a heart on them. One Fraulein even threw a pair of silk ledderhosen on  stage.  Wow!  There was another Hansi, and he was knocking em dead.

I gotta tell ya though. Hansi (not me) was pretty lame. Not my favorite form of guitar-laden blues. But popped-up polka and traditional music, that my sister adamantly assured me was only liked by people down south, and not by All Germans. But that’s not the point, well maybe it is. I was digging it. Loving the tradition. Loving the German-ness of it all..

I was in the Hansi Heaven (not too unlike hog-heaven). Met my cousin of the same name, whose 88 year old mother still called him Hansi  (she called me Hansi too); he hated it.  I didn’t.  Felt good, kinda like I was home. And what I once had disdain for, opened itself to me and I embraced it. Now I’m Hansi again, that little boy, who just wants to play, eat, hangout with my buddies and pursue my fascination with all things naughty.

I started this blog a few months after my return form the family reunion in Germany. I was OK with “Hansi”. Being open to re-visiting some past stuff, and see it in a new light has been a joy; a true release. Openness and acceptance is sure working for me, hope it’s workin’ for you.

Hansi’s Last Hallucination

OK…this isn’t about this being my last Hallucination, but it’s about my last hallucination, which was prior too, and  unlike the present one that I’m enjoying now.  With illustrations to match

My latest hallucination is that we live in a total drug culture!  We are encouraged to use drugs, rely on drugs and seek our salvation (well-being) through drugs.  I shit you not;   it permeates our whole society.  Especially while we sit watching TV.  We are being continually  bombarded by  commercials pushing various drugs . [I really prefer calling drugs “shit” because that was the slang word on the streets for drugs: “got any shit?”].  The latest drug commercial I saw was for some thing that literally brought tears to my eyes.  No shit (not referring to drugs).  This shit (drug) was a cure for dry-eye syndrome, and if taken would stimulate tear ducts to restore the natural moisture around the eye.  I’m used to seeing the usual ads for Cialas and Viagra a few times during the Evening News.  Aren’t  we suppose  be  “Just saying No to Drugs”?  “Hell no.  We wanted get layed and will take anything to become so.”  For every ailment (no matter how small)  there’s an ad pushing some shit that will cure it, and make it bigger better.  The ad for some “Purple Pill”  was so persuasive for me that I wanted to run out and get some, not even knowing what it was for.  The folks in the ad were sure feeling good; so it had to be good for me too.

Cool, there’s a pill for any ill.  But a lot of these drugs have some serious side effects.  In fact, if you’re paying attention, you’ll have noticed that any drug ad is half euphoria and half disclaimer with long list of side effects and conditions in which you should not use the product.  My mother-in-law was prescribed something for an irritable bowel.  When we came up to see her, she was nauseous and looked like hell.  We wondered what was the cause; did she eat something bad.  The wife examined her medications, and found that one of the side-effects for older persons taking this drug was nausea.  She stopped taking her medicine, and I’ll be dipped in shit (poop) if she didn’t start getting better.

How’s that for a hallucination.  And here’s a true one.  Heroin, which everyone knows is an opium synthetic, was originally produce by the Bayer Company [as in aspirin] in the late 1800’s as a miracle cure for “female problems”.  Packaged as Heroine (like in the female hero), a lot of ladies back then no  long suffered from menstrual pains, but were righteously strung-out on their lifesaving “heroine”.  It’s true!

Here’s were I start losing my grip on reality.  I thought drugs were supposed to make you better, not worse.  When half of a advertisement is a disclaimer and warning about certain side effects and medical conditions under which you should not use this shit, why would (or could – the disclaimer pretty much rule out everybody) take some of this shit is beyond me.  Unless of course you enjoy medical emergencies, trips to the Emergency Room, and previously un-expirienced maladies and bodily sensations. Hmmmm… Could be some good shit.

Oh but there are good drugs and then there are your “bad” drugs.  Maybe that’s true, and during my 30 years as a probation officer, I saw a lot of folks who had some real bad ‘drug problems’.  Heroin addicts, who robbed liquor stores when they got a touch desperate. Yuppie cocaine users who let things get a little out of hand, going straight down the tubes,   And more recently Methamphetamine [meth] users  who just went right down the shitter (not drug repository) behind that stuff.  The real bummer is, unlike the pharmaceutical ‘industry’ [think smoke stalked factories with hard-hat pill assembly line workers  inside] who have some degree of quality control, but no control over their side-effects, you never really know what you’re getting when buy street drugs, but ya sure know the desired effects.

So where are we going with all this nonsense?  How can we have a “War On drugs” when we’re constantly being encouraged to surrender to drugs?  How can we “Just Say No”, when the pharmaceutical companies are encouraging us to say:  “Hell yes, I want some of that shit”  ?  For me, everything you put in your body has an effect on you.  Be it food, substances or drugs.   The mixed message, the double speak, the true hallucination is:  Drugs are good for you and you should definitely buy them, but only those certain ones that we control, not the bad ones.  Wow, I think this hallucination is turning paranoid on me.

Well, that was my last hallucination; and a good one too!  I’m just glad it only happened in my head and not in the real world.  Luckily we have the Food and Drug Administration to keep us safe.  I just wish they were administering more food to the hungry,  and less drugs to the rest of us.

Oh yeah.  Since I’ve mentioned Viagra and Cealis, and will add them as Tags to this post  in order to fool people into reading this shit,  I’ve included one of my favorite drawings.  So those people who are innocently Google-ing Viagra or See-Alice won’t be disappointed.

A New Law


I think my blog is turning into an “Uber Vord Press Blog” (said with German accent). They provide the platform, format and geeky technical stuff for me to have my very own blog/web-site. Cool. And again they are providing helpful prompts for future posts. More cooler. My challenge is to make my blog a Total Word Press blog so that nothing I post is original or the result of my own handiwork, but rather randomly copy and pasted sentences that tickle my fancy….Coolest.

Well I’ not gonna do that today, cause that would take a lot more mind power than I’m willing to sacrifice presently, but I am gonna use one of their prompts : “Create a new law that will make the world a more fun place.” Sounds good, however: a. California already did that in 1996 with the Compassionate Use Act. b. What a bunch of horse-shit; and a stupid idea.  I can just see it now if people actually used these posts (as I’m doing now) for some serious hear-felt writing. Possible “fun” laws from different perspectives:

  1. Everybody gets to have three cats. If you blog about your cats, I’m  probably not gonna be commenting on your blog very often. I do however like Beaglez.
  2. All Liberals must only watch Fox news. That would be fun
  3. All Conservatives must only watch MSNBC. That would be sadistically fun.

 No, I think I’d choose the ultimate, the highest law, a simple law that would put everything in proper perspective, favoring all, not just a specific group of people. I’d make a law that would make obeying any laws illegal. That would sure solve the problem of crime. It wouldn’t be a crime if it were legal; no prisons or costly jails to run; no court system (no laws = no lawyers as there’s nothing to fight over). No criminal-justice bureaucracy (oow, that’s starting to hit a little close to home). Hey, Wall Street and Corporate America have already bathed in the benefits of not obeying any laws, why shouldn’t we?

 We are not going to debate the conundrum of having a law that prohibits obeying laws, cause how are you gonna obey the do not obey any law law when law observance has been made illegal. So you end up obeying a law, when all laws are illegal, and therefore have to start obeying a law to be compliant [my favorite ‘probation’ term]. I even lost myself there, must have been in law law land, but you know what I mean, so describing it accurately is really not necessary.

There’s a similar mind-phuck that we actually use in Probation-land: Obey All Laws; the catch-all clause.   Kinda reminds me of the “Island of Lost Souls”. The classic 1937 film adaption of H G Wells’ Island of Dr Moreau, where the mad doctor who was busily changing animals into humans made an ultimate law for these tormented creatures. “What is the law?…Don’t eat flesh!”. That sure made sense for that Island Republic, I mean if I were surrounded by a bunch of former carnivores now turned vegetarian against their will, I would want them reminded of the their new dietary restrictions. Especially when you feed your former bit-bull, now an angry six foot tall meat-craving humanoid, a big helping of lettuce and bean sprouts. I’d even want them going to meetings once a day, and showing me their abstinence  chips.

 Obey All Laws was the first ‘condition’ the Judge imposed when you were granted (usually against your wishes) probation with probation terms. That was the catch-all term. Break a law and you’re breaking your probation. I had to enforce this stuff when I was fighting crime. It sure would have been a lot easier, if my ‘clients’ didn’t have that law to obey. Not only would they not be returning to Court all the time, but more importantly, I wouldn’t have to write a report about how he’s in violation of probation. A big pain in the you know what just to say, “he screwed-up, but is sorry, and doesn’t want to go to jail”.

 That would certainly make the world a “fun place” if my law were passed. And more funner yet, if every body was made to obey it (verses only the few as it is today), anarchy could ensue, but at least it wouldn’t be illegal 🙂

Random Thoughts

Today is September 11th;  A day that shall live in infamy.  “That was Pearl Harbor Day you idiot.”  Sorry that I appear a little confused, and I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but I can’t kept all these days when bad shit happened straight anymore.  I can remember the Maine; haven’t forgotten the Lusitannia: but like remembering the Alamo the best.  Davey Crockett swinging his musket at them Mexicans till the bitter end.  I even had a Walt Disney Davey Crockett at the  Alamo play set when I was a kid.  Boy…the Patriotism thing was really laid on my head at an early age.  Wonder what we did to have all these infamous things happen to us?  Oh well.

A few things have been blowing my mind lately. The first one is finally having to deal with the elderly parent boogie. As a Baby Boomer, I am constantly being reminded, by Yahoo, Fidelity and the Media about how we Boomers are gonna have to deal with elderly dying parents. Well, done it twice now. Not for my own parents who died when I was young, but for in-laws. Wow, what a trip.

Had to help my daughter in dealing with the death of her 86 year old father in-law. I mean like counseling her about how to be with a dying parent at the end; dealing with Mortuaries and making arrangements etc. Damn, I wish I had someone to help me though my parents’ death. Well that one worked out OK. My son in-law and his siblings were at their fathers bed side when he passed; said they loved him; said their goodbyes; and had a nice military ceremony (WW II) in a VA cemetery.

Now my wife’s 98 Year old father just passed. What’s amazing is we saw him just two months ago, and despite being 98, was lucid, with-it and engaged in conversation. He took a turn for the worse, and was hospitalized for a blood infection. During his last month, he was either in the hospital, a convalescent home, or briefly at home, but that proved disastrous, as he was hospitalized again within a day. He initially fought it, rallied a bit, but after all the movement between facilities, apparently got sick of the medical system and decided to check out. He called in everyone nearby, said his goodbyes, and passed away in his sleep. His widow, who is going through massive life-changes, had to deal with the possibility of providing in-home convalescent care for her husband, to the realization that she is now alone and a widow.

In Buddhism, ‘letting go’ of stuff is what it’s all about. And having to eventual ‘let go’ of life is a biggie. Seems like if you are able to ‘let go’, you suffer a lot less. Letting Go makes life changing passages a lot more tolerable (Oops, if I just ‘tolerate’ something, them I’m still hanging on to something I don’t want to let go of. That causes friction, and doesn’t lead to real peace of mind and well-being). [That was a side trip.]  But I’ve found that if I am well grounded and OK in myself, dealing with things goes a lot more smoothly. My wife’s siblings are mostly evangelical, born again Christians [cool, but not my thing], and their faith helped them deal with their loss. “Daddy has entered eternal life, and is now up in heaven with his Savior”. OK, that’s kinda like letting go, but holding something in reserve just in case you need it again. Maybe that’s bad, and I’m just a heathen unbeliever. But hey! It works for them.

The last thing that is freaking me out is the radical right-wing element in this country. Extremism in any form is never good. The amazing thing is: this extremism is passing itself off for the voice of reason, moderation and common sense. What America is all about;  True Patriotism.  Oh boy, is this ever some serious mind-fucking going on here. It’s taken over the Republican party, and what used to be the Republican Party, knows it and appears to be busy looking for an electable candidate instead of going down again with some nut case Remember Barry Goldwater?). Their current crop even makes W Bush look rational to me. [Some where inside himself, I don’t think even W believed his own bullshit. He was a party-boy and schmoozer from the get go., and always had that look of trying to pull the wool over your eyes].   I want a Republican party that will work with the other side to solve our problems. Not a party of NO. Sorry can’t register with them though.  But, you know, I think I even voted for Ronald Regan once or twice. Despite being the “Great Bullshitter” (Communicator), things turned out OK; he even raised taxes (heresy). Guess fighting the “evil empire” didn’t come cheap.

Well, there ya have it. I usually don’t do this type of serious stuff, but I figured that a lot of my peers are maybe dealing with some of these same issues….so what the hell.

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