A few posts back I wrote a piece about how we live in a drug culture and are being constantly bombarded by advertisements to try certain drugs. You may have surmised that I am against drug use in all its forms. Well oh contraire! Not all drugs are bad, and certain medications can be beneficial and improve the quality of ones life. So in order to be “fair and balanced”, I’ve dug into the archives to provide an opposite point of view.
If there’s anything that I learned in my 30 year career of fighting crime and dealing with mental health clients, it is that everyone functions at their best when properly medicated. Take that bipolar dual-diagnosis meth freak for example. They’re going down the tubes fast because they’re using the wrong medication. In the business we call it “self-medicating”; but who else can you really medicate but yourself? You can’t slip meds to other people, that’s against the law, and as a crime fighter I’m certainly against people breaking the law; bending…that’s a different story. [There’s a bunch of folks out there I’d like to slip a chill-pill to…in suppository form]. Or consider the decompensating schizophrenic. Nothing like a shot of Haldol to bring their psychotic asses back to reality (which is a board and care facility that takes the bulk of their $550 monthly SSI check, leaving them with just enough money to buy some Bugler tobacco and sit around all day smoking roll your own cigarettes with the other zombies). Yep. It goes without saying that it is of paramount importance that everyone be properly medicated. I know I am.
You gotta be careful though and not use just any medication; even the ones that your doctor may prescribe have hidden side effects, the likes of which you wanna avoid at all costs. Just the other day I saw a commercial for some stuff that relieves irritable bowel syndrome. Now there’s a lot of stuff that irritates me, but I sure don’t want it to be my bowels. Anyway the list of dis-claimers was longer than the actual pitch to try this shit. You could die, have a stroke, suffer nausea, vomiting, and the dry-heaves, be constipated, have diarrhea, flatulence (my favorite term for farting), or even have your ass-hole catch on fire. This product was not to be used by anyone who is pregnant, has been pregnant or ever wants to get pregnant (sorry gals), nor whose mother was ever pregnant…. Use in combination with Aspirin, Tylenol, Ibuprofen or Aleve could cause anal bleeding. And the list goes on.
A proper medication should improve ones life, reduce stress, provide relief from suffering and induce a general feeling of well-being. My favorite medication does all of the above and more. And its organic, created by God Himself. There are some side effects however. I’ve found that when overly medicated, I have a tendency to fall asleep on the couch while listening to my favorite Led Zeppelin album. There is also the danger of rushing to the refrigerator and eating everything in sight . And then there is the laughing. Once when my medication was just starting to have its most beneficial healing effect, I started to watch ‘The Super Hero Movie’ and laughed my ass of for two hours. My jaw hurt afterwards. So you got to be careful. But, you got to stay properly medicated, for one is only as good as his medication.