mind expanding nonsense

Archive for March, 2011

Old Pleasures

I was listening to some music the other day on my Disc-man and started to mess with the little ear-buds hoping to get just a little better sound, when I had a great Flash; I’m gonna get out my 35 year old Radio Shack Real Earphones and listen to my stuff like I did a long time ago. Now these are the real-deal; earphones that cover your entire ear, with big strap over your head and give you a fidelity and fullness of sound you just ain’t gonna get out of two little “buds” ( of course there are “buds” that actually enhance all musical experiences, but that’s the subject for another post).

Earphones used to be the ultimate in stereo listening 40 years ago. And wow! Powered by my 40 year old Pioneer SX770 tuner amp, the Fabulous Thunderbirds never sounded so good; except when seen live. This whole thing got me started thinking about re-visiting Old Pleasures; stuff ya used to do in the past but just can’t find time for now. Gawd, Jimmy Vaughn was great as a T-Bird.

So, when was the last time you actually sat down and just listened to a whole album? Not just in the background, but with room shakin’ fidelity pumped out by 2 or more 12 inch speakers. Been a while? Seems like Classic Rock satellite stations and the I-Pod have ruined music appreciation. Try re-visiting Hendrix, Zeppelin, Cream and Credence. Yeah, you hear that stuff all the time on those stations, but their familiarity is only breeding contempt as far as I’m concerned.

I mean if I hear Santana’s “Black Magic Woman” one more time I’m gonna puke. It’s actually a great song, blending the work of British blues-man Peter Green with jazz guitarist Gabor Szabo’s Gypsy Queen. But damn, I just don’t want to hear it again. Same thing with Elvis (before he went into the Army); he cranked out some of the best rock and roll of the 50’s, great stuff, but lame now that you heard it a million times.

Old pleasures are still a rich experience. Things like reading a book (not Kindle), going to the movies (not renting them), or just hanging out with a friend are all rich experiences, worthy of re-exploration.

Speaking of old pleasures, the wife just walked into the room with a friskie look on her face.  Gotta go now.  But take time to enjoy this old pleasure from Fleetwood Mac (before the chicks showed up).  In fact, if you still have it, give their “Then Play On” album a listen; well worth it.

The Oh Reilly Fornication

**CONTENT WARNING ! I just had to do that one. I love seeing that when going to a blog, advising me that if I’m not over 18 years old, the content of the yet to be entered blog, may be offensive. Well being at least three times that age, but with a mind of a seventeen year old, what it means to me is; Good stuff ahead. But, if you’re a neo-conservative, born again Republican, you may take issue with some of my content. Not that it’s going to be a bunch of filth, for I don’t want to be dirty, let alone peddle smut. However, if a few prompts starts to get your mind wet; well I’ll let you do all the heavy lifting from there.

DISCLAIMER: Had to throw that one in too. This is strictly a hallucination of my pre Alzheimer’s mind, and bears no resemblance to any living beings or personalities that may in fact have a functioning heart. It would only be a coincidence if they had some heart.

So, a while back, I was viewing a clip on one of my favorite Demented blogs, which featured Bill Oh Reily interviewing Ann Coldter. What a right wing love fest that was. Bill Oh was feeding her lines that brought out the best (worst?) of her. It was at about that time that my medication started kicking into high gear, that I came to the conclusion: why don’t they really tell it like it is? I mean if Fox News isn’t screwing with your mind, then who is. And if they’ve already violated you, why not go all the way, and not just to first base.

Hence…The Oh Rilley Fornication. An new twist on the Oh Rielly Factor, wherein Bill seduces right wing ideologues and nails em (not like they did to Jesus) on the show. Bill and Ann were getting so so hot, in this clip, that I envisioned them gradually disrobing with every talking point.  At the mention of gun control, they started to loose control, and then, faster than you can say “corporate tax cut”, and here’s where your part comes in, they jump each others bones and start….doin’ it. What a show. I’d certainly become a regular viewer, and eagerly await the next RILF (republican I’d like to f***), that Oh Really “interviews”.

Great fun, but we can’t stop there. [You may want pause for a moment to pull a condom over your head to prevent a socialism disease]. How bout Shawn Hanitty (to be changed to Hand-on-titty)? Well, I don’t know about you, but that guy seems a little too anal for me. But if he interviewed Sarah again. Well there could be fireworks, especially if the First Dude stepped in. [Much too heavy for me to lift]. That would be a three-some, that would tickle me some.

Can’t forget Grettle von Sustainance. I like her, but that poor girl looks like she been whooped with an ugly stick, and it would take writing skills that far exceed mine , to properly script that one. Hey, they could make it a reality show, and not need scripting. Grettle could interview Snooki.  Meowww, that would be a cat-fight.

I’ don’t want to be-labor the point, and I think you get the idea. Sadly, those were the only shows I could think of that were in need of a “make-over”, cause, frankly, most Fox News personalities are ugly, and I can’t stand watching them. Now now, if you really look at them, you know in your heart that I am Right.  There is this loud mouthed blond however, that looks interesting; she doesn’t let anybody get a word in edge-wise. Ummm…..Good premise for yet another show.

Well, this was good for me; hope it was good for you. If you were offended….I Warned You!! But next time ya watch a Fox News program, keep Hansi in mind. You’ll get a “lift” out of it.

There once was a gal named Palin

Who was in need of a vigorous nailin’

She looked like a fox

With those long brown locks

But when she opened her mouth, it was only wailin’

Reefer Madness

Right now, at the end of March, we here in the good ol’ US of A are in the Middle of “March Madness”. I’m not talking about the “Middle East Madness”, the “Muammar Gaddafi Madness” or all the other forms of insanity that we’re dealing with. I’m talking about the NCAA College basketball playoffs, which is called ‘March Madness’. I don’t know why they call it such, maybe because that’s all that is on TV. But then again this Libya Madness has captured a lot of our attention too.

Well, with all this “madness” going on, and I thrive on madness (but not the angry type), I got to thinkin’…..Hey…we’re leaving out “Reefer Madness”.

Reefer madness” was a 1936 morality tale, originally released as “Tell Your children” and financed by a church group. It was quickly bought, re-edited and cut, and released on the “exploitation circuit” as “Reefer Madness”.  Along side such favorites as “The Smut Peddler” and “Curfew Violators”, “Reefer Madness” was about how all these people’s lives turned to shit, after mistakenly accepting a reefer (joint) as a normal cigarette, smoking it, and then in a drug crazed spiral of depravity, go on to kill people with hit and run accidents, manslaughter, rape and mental illness. Sounds like they were smokin’ some good shit to me.

Anyway, this film quickly dove into obscurity, the Prohibition was over, so America resumed it’s love affair with alcohol. It wasn’t until the late 1960’s that the film made a resurgence. That’s because Reefer Madness struck every college campus in the States. And did we take it as a warning about the dangers of drug use? Hell No. It was a joke! And what better way to view this film? than to “get loaded”, totally “fried”, “stoned” and utterly “phucked up”. It was a howl.

Now I got to admit that I tried it, once or twice, back in those days. But watching that film on campus was a total trip, and everybody there was riding high. What did we do after viewing all that antiquated admonishment? Jump in cars and get into accidents, quit school for a life of debauchery, kill someone ? (well only if you were drafted, then you’d actually be taught how to kill people, but only South-east Asians).   Hell no…..After sixty minutes of our own reefer madness, we were running to the coffee shop, cause everybody had the munchies and were craving sweets. Oh the depravity of it all.  We usually went back to the dorm, where we fell asleep listening to Bob Dylan.

Reefer Madness. The ultimate in melodramatic, morality laden bullshit. That’s what we college kids thought. Cause if  “They” were lyin’ to ya about the Vietnam War, what else were “They” lyin’ about?? Well quite a lot actually, and unfortunately, that got a lot of us thinkin’.

Well. I’m not advocating drug use for any one. That would be against the law. And as a former Probation Officer, I had to enforce ‘all laws’. Even the ones I wasn’t particularly fond of.   So I don’t want people to break the law. Here in California we can have our cake (called edibles at the dispensary) and eat it too. Yep, the compassionate people of California, not wanting anyone to unduly suffer, were the first to vote in a medical marijuana law in 1996. No wonder everybody wants to live here.

So…..what’s my last word? If you’re suffering, it’s because you are not obeying All Laws.

Elvis

Who says America doesn’t have any Royalty. Besides Donald Trump, Warren Buffett, and any one else who’s rich, America does have a King. And that King is Elvis. Now in this oligarchy we call the USA, lots of folks are treated like royalty.

Take Bernie Madoff, of Wall Street Ponzi scheme fame. He was worshiped by greedy shareholders for getting them those 10% plus annual returns, until they woke up to the fact he was screwing them, and royally. Bernie is now in a “country club” prison for the rest of his life, but treated like royalty by his fellow inmates because of the magnitude of his crimes. They stole thousands; Bernie stole billions.

The real King though, is Elvis Aaron Presley; the King of Rock and Roll. Elvis is the American story personified. Coming from below modest southern roots. He learned to play guitar, could sing, and the rest is history. From poverty to millionaire. Overnight!

To set the record straight. Elvis and his reign as King, in my humble opinion, ended when he got drafted and went into the Army. It was downhill for poor Elvis, after that. From the bad movies to the parody of himself in his last years as Las Vegas glitter star.

So we’re talking about when Elvis was raw and rocking.

Elvis blew us away with his gyrating pelvis and bluesy countrified music style called rockabilly; rocked up Hillbilly music. Now Elvis stole liberally from the black R&B artists of the day, but he got the airplay, because America had this big hang-up about black people, and didn’t want their nice innocent little white sons and daughters listening to what was called “race music” at the time. What did us nice innocent little white kids want to listen to at the time?? Jungle music!! Screaming’ negroes, rockin’ black guys putting their feet on the piano (Little Richard), duck walking while “playin that guitar like ringing a bell”, (Chuck Berry).

The real trip is that Elvis inspired just about every adolescent boy in the States to learn at least three guitar chords, and try to be the next ‘sensation’. It’s amazing the number of Elvis knock-offs there were. Gene Vincent. “Be Bop A Lula” sure sounds a lot like Elvis’ “Heartbreak Hotel”.  And the more ya get into obscure rockabilly of the time, the more ya see that the whole South was tryin’ to climb there way out of poverty with a million selling record.

Now Elvis wasn’t the only original rockabilly artist. Sun records had Roy Orbison (think “Oobie Doobie”, not “Only The lonely”). Jerry Lee Lewis, Billy Lee Riley, and more. [funny how all those Southern hillbillies had Lee for their middle names. Robert E Lee immortalized himself down there]. If you had your shit together, you too could have a hit record, a Cadillac, and your fifteen minutes of fame

Here’s my favorite rockabilly tune of all time: Billy Lee Riley’s “Flying Saucers Rock and Roll”. It really personified the times: The A-Bomb, flying saucer movies, rock and roll all wrapped up into one. A stupid-ass story about extraterrestrial beings landing in America. And what do they do? Save mankind from destruction? Bring advanced technology to alleviate poverty and ignorance? Hell No!! They formed a band and started to jam.. You just gotta love it. This ain’t a bunch of Hansi bullshit, it’s genuine, real, all American bullshit. Enjoy.

The House of Pain

The House of Pain strikes fear in my heart, as it should yours if you are one of the animals reading my blog.

The  “House of Pain” was in the classic 1933 movie “Island of Lost Souls” which was based on H G Wells’ story, “The Island of Dr Moreau”.  This version featured Charles Laughton as a mad scientist who was busily changing animals into humanoid creatures. This painful transformation took place in his laboratory called the “House of Pain”, which all the creatures feared, and were threatened with, for not walking upright, or eating flesh (a big no no on that lonely isle). Their response was “Are we not Men?”….No they were Devo.

Well this isn’t so much about that great flick. It’s about going back to WORK; excuse me for using a ‘four lettered word’ in mixed company. When I was fighting crime as a Probation Officer, back in the Golden Age of Corrections, me and my PO buddies would call the Probation agency “The House of Pain”. Not so much for what we inflicted on our clients, but for the fact that we hated it, felt our supervisors were narrow minded ass-covering dumb-shits, and the administration (Admin), full of shit. And like all good, barely humanoid creatures, we’d much rather prefer a leisurely life filled with eating, gossip and fornication, over a life of drudgery, cause that’s the way we were treated.

Well I hung in there for 30 years ( thirty god-damned, miserable, mind numbing, sucking the life out of you years). Good thing I survived intact and am now enjoying the creature comforts of retirement, however lacking in fornication it may now be.

Actually, I retired seven years ago, but after six months of retirement, went back to work for Probation as an extra-help DPO. I worked in our local juvenile facility (prison for kids) as a Corrections Officer. Kinda like in all those Prison shows like “Lock-up Raw”; except this was more like ‘lock-up medium rare’. I actually liked it. What a testosterone laden environment. And speaking of jiss levels, I got to work, and bullshit with guys half my age and break up fights, by spraying combative homeboys in the face with pepper spray…OC. What a contact high that was for old Hansi’s ancient ass.

Well, that got old, especially after I had to break up a fight between two ninety pound pre-pubescent 12 year old boys in a quad classroom. The fight wasn’t bad, almost a joke.  What was bad, was getting down on my arthritic knees and trying to handcuff these little turds, while my legs were cramping up on me, and then getting up again. That’s when I figured “I’m too old for this shit”. So I then worked for my old boss on a bank DUI (drunk driver) caseload, doing mindless paper work. That was more estrogen laden.

Well, all us retired guys who were working extra help, finally got weaned from the County tit in 2009, when we all got laid off due to the financial crisis. [At least I got layed.] And ‘thank you Jesus’, I was put out of my misery.

BUT… and here’s the scary part. My old boss recently told me they were going to call back retired folks for a limited time only to clean up some of the massive case loads that are barely attended too. The House of Pain!!!!! And would I be interested??

Now I usually don’t share a lot of personal stuff here, except for my hallucinations. And I don’t intend this to be a blog about “My dysfunctional life”.   Nope, my hallucinations are about all the crazy shit that comes to my mind after getting properly medicated.  But, am I out of my frickin’ medicated mind, for even thinking about going back to the House of Pain??

The money could be good, hours that I choose, no actual probation work (screwing with people and threatening them with my own little “Cottage of Pain”).

Well I sent my application in. We’ll see what happens. The best part is: resuming my duties as a crime fighter could provide a mother load of blog material.  Downside is, I can’t tell anyone there about my Blog. If ‘Admin’ read this shit, they’d fire my ass. Hey… that could be ticket out.. Kinda like a get out of jail free card.

There once was a PO named Stover

Who was treated worse than my dog named Rover

Many years did pass

Of taking it in the ass

So he changed his name to Ben Dover.

Help! I’m Being Brain Washed

Help…I’m Being Brainwashed

Bet you haven’t heard that one in a while, but during the 1950’s, the term struck fear in our hearts. For someone who was brainwashed was a ticking time bomb, ready to go off when least expected. And our enemies, The “Commies”, were the ones most likely to be in control of that laundromat.

Mind control (also known as brainwashing, coercive persuasion, mind abuse, thought control, or thought reform) refers to a process in which a group or individual “systematically uses unethically manipulative methods to persuade others to conform to the wishes of the manipulator(s), often to the detriment of the person being manipulated”.

A few mornings ago, I was up early (again), and watching the Business station, CNBC and MSNBC, and doing some stretching while waiting for my medicine to kick in, and work it’s magic; when I came to the conclusion that I (we) are being brainwashed by the media, politicians, and our government. You name it, and they’re screwing with our minds.

OK, you may think that my brain ain’t being washed, but watered down, and if anything needs washing, it’s my mouth out, with a bar of soap. While all that may be very well and true, the real truth is we are being programed and persuasively coerced to act and think in ways to our detriment.

In Buddhism there are 3 Worldly Poisons: Greed; Ill Will; and Delusion, all of which if indulged in, are the source of suffering, and lack of peace in the world. As an aside, you gotta love Buddhism, cause they have  lists for everything. There’s the 4 Noble Truths; the 8 Fold Path; 6 Sense Gates (they include the mind); the 5 Hindrances: 4 Divine Abodes (kinda sounds like a 50’s doo-wop group); and not to forget the 4 Worldly Winds; The 3 Fetters of Existence (a 60’s psychedelic band); and on and on. I’m just glad they didn’t throw in 10 Commandments, cause that would made things even crazier.

So…Are we being subject to 3 things that are poisoning us here in America…Damn right we are. Today, in the USA, (pretty nifty phrase) not only are these poisons abundant, but we’ve institutionalized them and made them sacred. Greed has be institutionalized by Wall Street, where it runs rampant. Our Military can spread Ill Will, at will, anywhere in the world with a push of a button ( watch out Mr Gaddafi ). And speaking about this whole Libyan adventure, is it just me? Or are we witnessing the same worn out tactics with this new middle east “Boogie Man”, what with ‘a no fly zone’, “limited” military action, cruise missiles shooting off???  Naw, there’s no weapons of mass destruction this time around; just a Libyan population that could be massively destroyed if we don’t intervene. Is Delusion filling the airways once again? Be it from Fox to MSNBC to the White House. The media controls what we see, and can manipulate how we feel.

Let’s look at this whole Budget crisis we have in the States. Assuredly, Uncle Sam’s financial house is not in order, and something needs to be done. My feeling is, just like the whole September 11th Crisis , we are being brainwashed to think in a manner that’s only gonna cause more pain. Now the crisis isn’t “Terrorists” (although that one is rolled out occasionally to scare the shit out of us). It’s the Financial Crisis, and it looks like the extreme right wing is gonna take another scoop out of our liberties and freedom, just like they did with the Patriot Act. This time they’re after Unions and collective bargaining; which will destroy the middle class.

Here’s where the 3 Poisons really start to kick in. Delusion is being cranked up via the media, and our politicians, in order to further the greed of some, which is gonna cause a lot of ill will for many. The Budget Crisis delusion: We just can’t raise taxes, let alone tax the wealthy, it would destroy the economy and nothing would trickle down to us lowly peons. If you’re having a personal financial crisis, yeah, you gotta cut spending, but getting a second job or more income, would go a long way to solve the problem. We’re screwed as long as Taxing the wealthy is sacrosanct.

So what’s left? Cut everything that benefits the middle class. I know, sounds conspiratorial, and I’m not into conspiracy theories (mainly because nobody can keep their big mouths shut long enough for anything to become conspiratorial), but I do know that Greed, Delusion, and Ill Will are powerful forces, and poisoning our country and how we treat one another.

Japanese earth quakes, tsunamis, nuclear plant meltdowns, another adventure in the Middle East.  We’re doomed; the end is near. Have a nice day.  I will, now that this rant is out of me.

Money

Yea….Money. It’s what makes the world go round. Or is that Love that makes the world go around? Well this isn’t going to be a ‘How to make money on the Internet’ type of post. As far as I can tell, not many people are. Except those selling products on how to make money on the Internet through Blogging.

You can tell I’m not making a dime, and probably for good reason. No, this is about the two most classic rock songs about the subject. Mainly Barrett Strong’s version and Pink Floyd’s.  Barrett Strong released his song “Money” way back in 1960. Written by Berry Gordy of  Motown fame. It was a raw and desperate R&B rocker bout a guy who just needs money. The song became a standard, and was covered by The Kingsmen and even The Beatles. Pink Floyd’s version, well, was…… Pink Floyd. Who are having a profound effect on me now 🙂

Here in the United $tates, money is everything. And the people who are making money, are the ones selling information on how to make money to those in Barret Strong’s category. I was up early, and as sure as shit, there were Infomercials on cable, featuring just that. Usually it’s about real estate, and some geek in glasses, telling ya how you too can buy houses for no money, and make millions. I always ask myself, “If they’re making so damn much money, why are they now selling books about it instead of doing it themselves, and just saying ‘screw everyone else’.

So everybody is possessed with the notion, desire, greed, drive, lust to make money. Cause although “The best things in life are free, You can give em to the birds and bees. I need money.” Yep. We need money to achieve happiness. However, “money do get everything, it’s true. But what it do get, I can use. I need money”.

It’s the driving force in America. “Money, get a way; get a good job with good pay and you’re okay.” Simple as that. Why? Because “money, its a gas” We need to “grab that cash with both hands and make a stash”. The downfall is the obsession with money, and the need to protect this asset of happiness. So if you’re talking about MY money. “Get back. I’m alright Jack, keep your hands off of my stack.”

Well both of those songs said it well, and pretty much captured, some of our concepts of money. In case you’re not familiar with Barrett’s version, check it out on U tube ( Couldn’t link it.  Evil record companies).   And, FYI, this whole post was written while listening to Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side Off The Moon “ album. You can U-tube that one yourself should you choose.

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