mind expanding nonsense

Archive for March, 2013

Out Of Order.

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I hate it when things are out of order.  Especially after a long trip, when ya pull into a gas station looking for some relief, only to find that their restroom is ‘Out of Order’.  Talk about being pissed.  Maybe it’s my Germanic heritage, but everything seems to go a lot more smoothly when everything is in order. There’s less room for error, which means there’s less of a chance that something could come around and bite ya in the ass.

Well, I had a real brain fart just the other day, and skipped a page in my sketchbook, leaving it blank, and drew on the one after it.  Now that may not seem like a big deal, but when one strives for continuity, and is very careful to date each entry, it really screws up my chronological order, and presents a dilemma.  What do I do with the blank page?

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Of course being a total space cadet, I didn’t realize my error until the day after I drew on and dated the subsequent page.  I could have just pulled the blank page from the book, but then The Wife would’ve accused me having ‘male rage’ or suffering from testosterone poisoning or some such shit. Well, as poisonous as testosterone is (especially those on the receiving end of it [and that includes all them guys on the commercials who are wiping that shit on their underarms like deodorant.  I had the awful thought:  What if I had some of that crap in my medicine cabinet (not that I need it of course), and my four year old grandson found it and decided to be like Grandpa, tried some, and wound up with a beard and a new-found  desire to fuck everything in sight explore his sexuality. One of the many side-effects]).

Where was I?  Oh yea…so I couldn’t just it rip out.  But going back the day after and drawing on it was against my principles.  And God knows ya gotta stand by your principles; even if they’re not working, running the country into the ground, and only benefit the wealthy and few.  Unless possibly, I lied and fudged on the date.  That seems to work for most ‘men of principle’, who’s main principal is to stay in office at all costs by keeping their idiot base happy.

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But no.  I’ll take the High Road (my favorite road*) the road less traveled, and admit that yes,  I totally spaced out and skipped a page.  Like they say in AA, “Hello, my name is Hansi, and I’m a space cadet”.

*  I also like The Road to Perdition.  More traffic on that one, but at times very scenic.

March Mulching Madness

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Well March is almost over, Spring is here, at least in my part of Southern California, and it’s time to turn the garden up to full blast.  See, my other passion, besides drawing pseudo-psychedelic mammary laden, bathroom humor (never gets old) pen n ink drawings is: organic gardening.  I’m a firm believer in growing your own…everything.  And when you’re fortunate enough to live on some of the best agricultural land in the world (the Oxnard plain), which is situated in a Mediterranean climate, where it never snows and rarely if ever gets a frost, well, the growing gods are with ya year round.

There’s nothing better than eating your own food, fresh from the garden, that’s pesticide free and not genetically altered.  In my opinion, Ya gotta watch what you put in your body, and know where it comes from, if you want to enjoy healthy living.  Plus, being in tune with the seasons, helps one stay grounded (no pun intended), and in harmony with the cosmos.

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This year I’m trying something new.  Well, it’s not actually new,  I’ve known about it since the early 70’s.  It’s the ” No Dig”, no cultivation method, popularized by Ruth Stout.  Simply put, her method follows nature, where fallen debris such as leaves, flowers and other organic materials lay on the ground through winter, decompose, and provide a rich, humus soil from which seedlings emerge in the Spring.  She claimed God invented it, and come to think of she may be right; I’ve never seen God out in my backyard turning over dirt with a shovel.  Keeping a permanent layer of mulch (straw, leaves or other organic material) in ones garden was her method in a nutshell (which also makes an excellent mulch).

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So, here we go.  I’m giving the No Work method a try this year…Sure hope It works, and not me.  But I’m also doing this out of necessity.  See, even though I might live in gardeners paradise here by the coast, the major downside is we’ve had very little rain this year, and last year too [Global warming???  Hell no couldn’t be].  And I need to conserve water.  Mulching with straw  is hopefully the answer, and it’s cheap @ $7.50 a bale.  A good mulch, while not only breaking down and turning into compost, also prevents water evaporation, keeping one’s soil moist, and plants happy.  Sure wanna keep my  plants happy, especially my Happy Plants.

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Here’s what I’m growing:  Top photo is Red Sails leaf lettuce mulched with straw, with a row of carrots.  Carrots and lettuce are ‘companion plants” and grow well together.

Photo #2:  Early Girl tomato.  Loves it right next to the house with and intense eastern exposure.

Photo #3: Close-up of  #1

Photo #4: Raised bed, mulched with straw with (from right to left) garlic, beets and more Red Sails lettuce.

Photo # 5:  (below) Cherry Tomato, Swiss Chard and more garlic.

Photo #6: (below #5) Sugar peas, edible pods.

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I don’t know about you, but I’m a very impatient kinda guy.   I hate waiting for something to happen. I don’t like standing in lines.  And I can’t stand it when something I want isn’t happening right now, or right there where I want it.

Maybe that’s a character flaw, or as The Wife says. “A lesson I’ve yet to learn”. Who knows?  But what I do know is: I’m not twenty years old anymore, and I’m running out of time waiting for shit to happen.  That’s why I took Social Security early at age 62, instead of waiting till my ‘full retirement age’ at age 66.  And that’s why I’m glad I’m no longer working full-time and retired from Probationland bullshit nine years ago.  Couldn’t wait to get outta that place.  [We won’t discuss the fact that I’m right back there working part-time, fightin’ crime (but not in my prime, yet still workin’ with slime, but that’s just fine, I’m doin’ it on their dime).  Guess ya can’t get some stuff outta your system no matter how hard ya try].

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Substance Abuse

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There’s one thing I know a lot about, and that’s drug use.  You may be thinking, “Well, No shit Hansi, that’s quite apparent in all your twisted ‘art-work’ “.  No really.  I do!  See when I was a probation officer, I had to attend forty hours of training annually.  Invariably, that would include some drug classes. Times twenty-eight years, that equals a shit-load of drug classes.  Which covered: their use, identification, symptomology, treatment and all that other happy horseshit.  I also had a little “hands-on”  experience during the sixties.

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Needless to say, there’s some really bad-news  ‘substances’ out there to abuse.  Methamphetamine being among the worst.  Less obvious, yet just as destructive is alcohol.  Alcohol?  Hell yes! I consider it a drug (basically a depressant), which when abused can have a profound effect on people (instant ass-hole, just add booze), become addictive, and destroy lives, not to mention one’s health, when used in excess.  Thing about alcohol is: it’s socially acceptable.  Be it slurped down as a beer on a hot day, or enjoyed as a fine wine with a meal.  Everybody enjoys a good buzz now and then.  It’s tolerated.  Everyone’s cool with it.

Don’t get me wrong.  I enjoy a glass of wine with dinner just as much as the next guy.  But I’m finding that more and more, when I drink alcohol, I don’t sleep so well at night.  I don’t wake up re-charged, and only have a half-assed workout at the gym in the morning (if I go at all).  Plus, it takes me til the early afternoon to feel back to normal, when coincidentally I start to think, “Hmmm, a glass of wine would sure hit the spot right about now.”  What’s wrong with that scenario?  Is there a lesson here I’m not learning?

That’s why I’m choosing to forgo alcohol for a while.  Not that I have a “problem”. [Sure, that’s what all people with a “problem” say].  No really.  I’m not an alcoholic.  It’s just that as I’m getting older, alcohol is becoming seemingly more toxic to my system.  And I wanna feel good.  And feel good all the time.  But booze is a great pain-reliever, and swiftly takes the edge off all the aches and pains that come along with old age.

Is anyone out there experiencing the same thing with alcohol that I am?

What…No Ink?

Okay.  I’m breaking all the rules here; Pushing the boundaries; Exploring new 3-9-13 001frontiers, Going where no man has gone before.  It’s kinda like a Star Trek adventure, but without ink.  Here we go.  Just passed a bunch of Klingons circling Uranus.

Well maybe it’s not all that epic in nature.  But it’s new for me; something a little different.  Change however, is something ya don’t wanna rush into, cause it could screw everything up.  Just as you’ve gotten things in order, in their place, just how ya want em, change could throw everything into chaos, leaving shit to spin outta control. And control is something ya Never Ever want to give up.  If ya do, then you’re at the mercy of chance or fate.  So I rarely take a chance with change; never know what may happen as a result.  Hell no!  I wanna know everything, so I can plan around it, and avoid the bullshit and enjoy all the good stuff.

Maybe that’s why I was a Probation Officer for 28 years.  When it comes to being in control, there’s nothing like having the law on your side, and not be on the receiving end like my probation clients.  See, I basically resent authority, so what better way to avoid it than by becoming it. [Everybody knows that people in authority are never held responsible for their actions].  So for 28 long, miserable, and sometimes shit-eating years, guess what I did.  Yep, for eight hours a day I would jump in peoples shit, and force them to change, often times against their will: “Sorry Mr Smith, You can’t use drugs while on probation…and ya got to stop beating your wife; Your ass is gonna change, or it’ll end up in jail; now pee in this bottle.”

Now, I didn’t particularly enjoy that; but it was tolerable (saw a lot of bottles of urine in my day).  At least the shit being jumped in wasn’t mine (unless of course, I missed a jump, and splattered it all over the place).  See…I worked in a bureaucracy, where change was glacial, if ever, and following the rules reigned the day. [Unless, again, you thought the rules were bullshit, and ya tried to get around them without your shit being jumped in.]

So…that’s why drawing without Ink and just using the colored pencils is such a big risk for me.  One must always proceed with an abundance of caution!

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The Lady in this drawing proceeded without caution, and look what happened to her.

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Variations Upon A Theme

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I’m not really sure what the theme is, but here’s some variations.  They are only slight variations.  But variations nonetheless. See, themes make ya stay within certain boundaries and explore the subtleties therein.  And I’ve pretty much worked one-legged people into the ground with this one.

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Maybe what I really need to do is, instead of variations within a theme, I need to vary my themes (very interesting).  I pretty much have only one theme, and a variety may expand my various variations, (although there’s probably a lot more room left to exploit explore one-legged people).  Not that ridiculing the handicapped is a particular passion for me, it’s just that most of my adult experience has been on two legs…Unless I was highly impaired (commode hugging drunk) or begging The Wife for sex.  At this stage of life, getting down on all fours  has no real appeal for me (except maybe metaphorically).

I think that it’s probably best therefore, to stick with the familiar, but change it slightly, thereby giving the illusion that one is breaking new ground, when in fact nothing of the sort is happening.  But that may leave me without a leg to stand on. 🙂

A New Book

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Nothing better than getting a brand new sketch book.  And when it has brown paper instead of white, that means it’s something special.  And it was, because old Hansi done got this on his birthday from The Wife.  Old Hansi is sure getting older.

What’s really cool is not so much The Wife encouraging me with my drawings, which she considers a huge embarrassment to her in front of the whole world when I post em on the Internet, but what’s cool is brown paper, which enables me to do the same old stuff with a new technique.  Guess I’m just following Big Business, by cranking out the same old shit, but repackaging it slightly, so it can claim to be new and improved without the old side-effects.

Speaking of embarrassing The Wife.  What better way to start out a new book , then with a drawing of a bare ass.

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