Peddling Prosperity

Just about every morning I go to the Gym.  And after some moderate strength training (weight lifting),  I spend 30 minutes literally pedaling my ass off on a recumbent stationary cycle which has it’s own little TV.  Normally I’ll watch cable news, stuff like CNN or MSNBC, or if I really wanna raise my heart rate, FOX.  But all that does is piss me off, so a few days ago I went channel surfing, while pedaling, and watched televangelist Joyce Meyer.

Wow!  What a show!  A sixty year old woman with painted lips like the Jokers, telling  everyone that God wanted you to go on an adventure with Him, and that He’ll solve all your problems and even reward you financially because He preferred to see the righteous prosper more than the wicked.  All ya needed to do to start was one of her books, which she’ll gladly send you for a love offering of $30 (or more).  Doing so would result in blessings ten times over, and there would be no stoppin’ ya then.

As warm and fuzzy all this feel-good shit sounded, a couple of things kinda didn’t sit right.  As I recall from Sunday School, Jesus talked about the poor being the ones who are blessed; not to lay up treasures on earth; how it’s easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God; and  giving away all that you have to the poor.  Secondly, Paul said women should remain silent in church, and that it was “a disgrace” for them not to do so.

Well, times have changed, and what did Paul and Jesus know about Christianity anyway…they were Jewish.  What she, and others, like folksy sincere Joel Osteen, are preaching is the “Prosperity Gospel.”  And boy oh boy are they gettin’ rich.  Ms Meyer has an estimated net worth of 25 million dollars; Osteen around 40 mil.  This got me to thinkin’…God don’t want me just barely getting by on Social Security and a piddly-ass small county pension.  He wants me to be rich!

So ol’ Hans is now fleecing servicing the flock with his drawing ministry.  You too can enjoy the uplifting drawings that will bring you closer to God (and your financial goals) with a faith offering of $30 (or more).  In return, you’ll receive a personalized, digitally anointed Hansi original.  Just leave your credit card number, with expiration date and security code, in the comment section below, and you’ll be just a short copy and paste away from your adventure in faith with Hansi and all his inspiring artwork.

Global Warning

I really meant the title of this post to be Global Warming, but instead of typing an m, I typed an n.   And because my spell-checker didn’t catch it as a mis-spelling, I wasn’t aware of my blunder until later..  So much for all this artificial intelligence crap; I knew what I meant.  From now on I’m gonna stick with my own natural, organic, 100% whole wheat, analogue intelligence. Anyway, what’s the big deal?  N or M.  As we used to say in the probation department, ‘close enough for government work’.

Everybody in North America knows there ain’t no global warning warming.  This winter we’ve been freezing our asses off.  Meanwhile, those who live in the southwest have been suffering from drought and heat-waves. [Maybe if they hadn’t shut down all them coal fired power plants we’d have enough electricity to run our air conditioners 24/7.

The Green New Deal they’re talking about means no more driving- unless ya own a Prius or one of them all electric cars which ya charge-up with your own electricity which comes from a nuclear power plant.  I think the real culprit is all them farting cows releasing noxious methane gas into the air.  Does that also mean no more hamburgers? (which makes me fart…must be cow karma).  My solution is to attach a little device with a pilot light to their top sirloins, and poof, no more methane.  It would be like when ya had a box of matches when you were a kid and played ‘fun with flatulence’.

Calling Bullshit

One of the best things about America, besides it being Jesus’ favorite county, is the right of freedom of speech.  That’s the first amendment in our Bill of Rights, and is only surpassed by the second amendment, which is the right to bear arms, which I suppose is to protect yourself from those who say things ya don’t like. Although you have a right to say what ya want, you can’t yell out “FIRE” in a crowded theater, threaten people with harm, or even lie under certain circumstance (like being under oath…lot of folks getting burned on that one now-a-days).

Maybe this whole freedom of speech thing is more about stating an opinion or giving unwanted advice.  Which pretty much allows folks to say anything, no matter how barren of fact or grounded in delusion, they may be.  That’s cool with me.  Because just as they are free to say what’s on their mind, so too am I free to say what’s on my mind in response.  Like a sports referee calling a foul when an athlete breaks a rule, I can call Bullshit when I hear rhetoric that runs a foul.

Calling Bullshit is an effective way of voicing disagreement, disapproval and resistance to being taken in by falsehood.  I often find myself calling Bullshit when The President speaks.  He too is fond of calling bullshit, but more often than not, his calling bullshit is bullshit itself, and in need to being called out.

 

 

Growing Weed

 

I live in a state where marijuana is legal  (thank you Jesus), and if ya want to, you can grow your own.  In the olden days that used to be called “cultivation” and had serious penalties attached.  Now it’s call “recreation”.  You don’t even have to go through the charade of getting a medical letter to be legal, you’re just legal, no strings attached except those imposed by local ordinances.  Things have sure changed since the 60’s.  I guess the times they really were a changin’.

Babylon

Have ya ever wondered what it would have been like to live in ancient Babylon.  In the time of Nebuchadnezzar.  With all them hanging gardens, rich blue tile Ishtar gates and Daniel being thrown into the lions den (if you remember Sunday School – I hated it!  Not only was it bad enough having to sit in a classroom Monday thru Friday, but then going to school on the weekend, plus having to get dressed-up, that was a violation of sacred time off)?

Life was probably great in Babylon, if you were the king or part or the royal family, but if you were just an average Josiah Schmo, it most likely sucked.  Unless of course if you had a good job like scribe, sitting in the shade all day next to some cool moist clay tablets, writing down how great the King was; had to know cuneiform though.  I don’t think women were a big part of the work-force.  You were either a stay-at-home mom, or a concubine (another government job).

I remember as a kid Babylon being this really wicked place wherein the evil king, when he wasn’t having hallucinations of giant hands writing on his walls or dreaming about huge statues with golden heads and feet of clay, was busy feeding people to wild animals or throwing them in a fiery furnace.  Even in these days of Donald Trump, I think life in 21st century Southern California towers over that of the land of Babel.

Can’t Stop Drawing Sausages

I don’t know what it is, but I can’t seem to stop drawing sausage shapes.  That’s about all I’ve been drawing lately, and I fear people with their filthy minds in the gutter, may think me to be some kinda pervert fixated on phallic symbols.  Nothing could be further from the truth!  I draw sausage shapes cause: they’re easy, familiar, and fun to draw and decorate with all sorts of costumes.  Folks with a clean mind will think: Weiners, as in Oscar Mayer, not a bunch of floating Johnsons.