mind expanding nonsense

Archive for June, 2014

Another Conversation With Hansi

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Hey…Having a conversation with you wherein I provided my responses in advance was so much fun, I wanna do it again.  All fun stuff makes ya wanna do it again, and sometimes, again, and again and again.  But that often times becomes too much, and ya end up never wanting to ever do it again…until the next time.

Thank god I’m no there yet.  I’m still enjoying all the questions I fantasied that you asked me.  Somehow, I think a lot of them were the same: “What the fuck?”  And that’s a good question in itself.  They do say that communication between two people is a form of verbal intercourse.  Here’s some more responses that I hope won’t screw with your mind too much.

Q:  (your turn)

A:  “No shit?  I didn’t know that.  I’ll be a horse’s ass if that’s true.”


A:  “Exactly!  That reminds me of a similar experience I had as a kid when I was eighteen.  Sure glad that one didn’t come around and bite me in the ass.”


A:  “I know what ya mean. ‘Been there, done that”.  Kinda scary…but kinda fun…if ya don’t get caught”


A:  What?  Are you out of your frickin’ mind?


A:  “Yea, it was good for me too.”


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Artwork by Logan.  Age 5.

Retirement Advice

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I had a thought the other day.  You know, one of those fleeting moments when something pops into your mind and you think it’s the most terrific thing since sliced bread and you ought to pursue it.  Sadly, that  thought was followed by another more compelling vision, and I forgot what the first brain storm was all about.  That happens to me a lot.  But one of em that wasn’t forever lost in the bottomless pit of short term memory loss, was the one I had about retirement advice.

I don’t know if I’m pushing all the geezer buttons on my computer, or if there’s a demon inside the machine that knows my every thought, but when I go to my Yahoo home page, up pops a shit-load of articles on retirement, all of which are designed to scare the hell outta me.  Stuff like:

10 Financial Mistakes To Avoid In Retirement.  

That’s a whole lotta screwin’ up to be made in retirement.  It would be like obeying all of the ten commandments all the time.  Only Jesus was able to do that, and he didn’t even live long enough to retire. I wonder if even thinking about making a mistake would be a financial sin?

4 Best ways To Jump-Start Your Retirement Savings

Thankfully there is something one can do, but the odds favor me fuckin’ up more than jump-startin’ my way to financial success.

The Large, Hidden Cost Of Retiring Early

Well, I’m screwed there too.  I went out ten years ago at age 57 and took Social Security at age 62.  I don’t know how much it cost me cause I was thinkin’ I was gettin’ free money from the Government.  Wonder what they’re hiding?

You Need 2.5 Million To Retire

Come up a little short there too.  How would 2.5 thousand do?

10 Reasons You’ll Never Retire

Number one has got to be: I ain’t got 2.5 million.  Way short on that one! Another is wishful thinking, like working longer before ya retire.  Work will kill ya way before you retire.

Social Security: 1 Number Every Retiree Needs To Know Right Now.

That’s a no-brainer.  It’s 62!   The age when you can get on that government gravy-train and start receiving benefits.

Why “I’ll just worker longer” is not a good retirement Plan

That’s obvious!  The longer ya work, the shorter you gonna be retired.  Everybody knows that, because working til ya drop dead is not retirement, it’s death, and ya skip over the good part of retirement: Not Working.

January 9 2014 005Seems like all these articles have one thing in common.  MONEY.  And most of them are sponsored by groups which want to make money off of you trying to save enough for retirement.  You never see articles from Fidelity Investments like:  “10 ways to tell you’re burned out and can’t stand working anymore”.  They are all generated to generate paranoia in You, so you’ll sent Them your money.


My retirement advice is : Don’t listen to retirement advice., even mine.


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I sure wish there was a city or town named Euphoria.  If there was, I’d pack my bags and move there in a heart-beat.  I’m gonna get there one day (just gotta find out where it is), and start enjoying all that exhilarating joy and contentment, letting well-being and love radiate from within me, outwardly, bombarding everyone with lethal doses of happiness.  Wow!

Well, back to reality.  I had this big revelation – not like in the Book of Revelation, which is scarier than shit what with all its seals, trumpets and guys on horses unleashing torment and destruction upon unrepentant sinners by a loving God.  Thank you Jesus, for saving me from all that wrath.  Phew….I’m safe.  But not so all them evil doers who deserve everything they get for persecuting us righteous.

And speaking of righteousness, I’m heading back to Euphoria City limits.  There’s nothing like feeling euphoric.  I’m not just saying that; it’s true!  That’s cause euphoria is the number one in feelings: the ultimate experience.  Pretty good if can get there.

Euphoria is looked down upon by some people.  A weird concept which assumes one can get higher than euphoric, and then look down on it.  Unless of course you are self righteous.  But that’s just a counterfeit version of euphoria.  Close, but no cigar.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get a little self righteous at times.  Thinking my views are superior to others, and have no tolerance for those who do not share my liberal views on a variety of subjects (unenlightened fuckers).  And when it comes to life styles, mine is the best.  It’s worked for me, it’ll work for you.  Hey, I have all the answers; if only people would listen.

Pretty far-out to think that way.  Doesn’t give ya much wiggle-room in life.  But then again, if ya wiggle your room too much, you risk going over the edge and falling into the great abyss.

Well, once again my imagination was bigger than my ancient bladder, and I gotta take a leak.  A misnomer, cause most of the time you’re leaving a leak rather than taking one.  I think I’ll go outside and look at my garden, and maybe even pee on my lemon tree.  I’m convinced that’s what makes my lemons yellow.

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Dingling In The Fingle House

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I love nonsense words.  This blog is dedicated to (udder) nonsense, and features it prominently.  Sometimes I like to insert nonsense words into my posts.  Shazam.

I have no idea what a Fingle House is, but know for sure that I don’t wanna be dingled in one.  Especially if it’s my Fingle house wherein lays a multitude of dingles.  Berry funny you might say.  Guess we both got dingled; I was hopin’ to get fingled too.

The above drawing has nothing to do with dingling or fingling, but maybe a little schwingling.  It was more a drawing challenge for me.  Not like one of them do the same thing for thirty days Blog-O-Spear challenges that are geared to get ya motivated to produce more work, but in reality only lead to burn-out.  If I wanted to get burned-out, I wouldn’t want to expend thirty days worth of energy to get there.

See, I had this long narrow piece of paper which I accidentally pulled out with the good stuff, which The Wife finds in the better dumpsters.  And I said, “What the hay (or is it hey?), I’m gonna draw something long and narrow.  So I drew a quickie reclining nude.  Good thing I didn’t turn the paper vertically and draw something upright.  Who knows what I might of come up with?

How’s that for a dingle in a fingle house?

A Conversation With Hansi

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Wooden tit  Wouldn’t it be cool if we could have an actual conversation with each other?  I think it would, and not by email or comments, but in person, hearing each others voices like in real life; person to person.  Probably won’t happen.  But if it did,  I’m gonna give ya a taste of what talking to me would be like.  “How ya gonna do that Hansi?”  By posting my answers in advance!  All you gotta do is ask me a question or make a statement, and my response will be there waiting for ya.

So, say something or ask me a question (mostly in your mind, but out loud if your spouse isn’t around), and you’ll have my personal response.  In the Q part below,   Make your statement or ask your question [An example could be…”Hansi, what do you think of them Koch brothers buying the Tea Party, and fooling all them dumb fucking hillbillies into supporting their big business agenda and interests while screwing the Middle Class?”], and I’ll have my answer waiting.  Simple as that.


A:  “I like that too, especially when it has a sweet yet pungent skunk smell to it and doesn’t burn your throat”.


A:  “Well, that all depends on how ya look at it.  And I don’t mean to be argumentative, but I generally savor those experiences that have a little kick to em.”


A:  “Good question, but Hell No!  I never touch that stuff”.


A:  “I can see that, and ya make a good point, but again, my preference is for something mild, yet still very soothing”.


A:  “Me too.  That was a groove.  I’ll catch ya next time.”

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Comparing Apples And Oranges

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Every night around 8:00, The Wife and I enjoy an apple as a healthy after dinner desert-like treat.  But tonight, before I hit the apples, I had a tangerine off of my backyard tree.  So I still got the taste of both in my mouth.  And you know what?  Besides having a lot of things in common: both come from trees, are sweet and refreshing and warm colored fruits (green apples notwithstanding, and maybe that’s why they call apples apples instead of Reds like they do for Oranges), there is a difference.

Not a vast difference.  Apples aren’t citrus, and you don’t have to peal them like ya do oranges unless ya wanna remove all the pesticides they spray on them to keep em looking good and desirable instead of worm invested and rotten-looking.  That’s a biggie, cause peeling an orange is a lotta work, removing all them stringie things while being careful ya don’t get squirted in the eye.  Plus, with oranges, you’re always spitting out seeds.  With apples that’s not so, unless you gobble down the whole thing like a horse might do, because you’re too lazy to cut them out with a knife [Got to be careful you don’t cut your fingers off when ya do that, or worse yet, poke an eye out.  Or, if you like to eat apples in the nude like Adam and Eve did, you could easily cut off an appendage – all the Viagra in the world will not restore a severed wee-wee back to life].  Both however have seeds that are useless to grow.

Apples have thin skins, Oranges have thick skins and therefore not subject to as much abuse as apples.  Eating an apple can clean your teeth; eating an orange just makes ya slobber all over the place.  Eating an apple too fast can make ya fart; eating and orange won’t make ya fart. The Wife things everything makes me fart.  [The funny thing about farts, besides always being funny, is the noise that comes outta your butt when ya let one.  Instead of speaking with your voice, it’s like your speaking with your ass, and while limited in vocabulary, there’s a wide variety of intonations, be it the ‘rat a tat tat’ of a walking fart, to a sonic boom Wind Breaker while laying on your favorite sofa.  There’s even a cable “News” channel that specializes in blowing things out their ass].

Now, lemons and limes, that’s another thing altogether.  Just ask Eric Cantor.

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So Far, So Good

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Well….the ongoing experiment of looking at everything I do as an experiment is working out well.  Not blogging for a while was refreshing.  Being able to see what’s happening to me, how I relate to it, and the feelings it generates, both physically and emotionally, has enabled me to make logical behavioral choices which promote well-being.  I strongly believe that one can enhance one’s own sense of well-being.  Not necessarily by the use of alcohol or drugs (although a good strong bong hit sure helps once in a while), but rather with a positive attitude and loving-kindness.

Buddhist loving-kindness meditation is a trip.  Not only does one generate and wish loving-kindness towards themselves (got to love yourself before ya can love others), but outwardly to all beings: family, friends, neighbors, difficult people, people in your city, country and the whole world.  You can also wish well-being and loving-kindness to everything that flies in the sky (military drones excepted, unless you wish they were dropping love-bombs on all our enemies), crawls on the ground, or swims in the sea.  All ya gotta do is repeat a silent mental mantra: May so and so be filled with loving-kindness, may they be well, may they be happy etc.

What’s weird is: when you’re busy wishing everyone you come in contact with peace, happiness and well-being, ya (I) don’t get wrapped up in your “Self”.  So, I find myself not as tormented with a lot of thinking, and playing endless loops of my life, likes and dislikes, regrets and all that stuff.  That’s sure a relief.

May you be filled with Loving-kindness

May you be well

May you be peaceful and at ease

May you be happy.

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Doin’ Fine

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