The Millennium

You may not of heard about this in Sunday School, but there’s this thing in the Bible called the Millennium which is the thousand year reign of Jesus on Earth. The time when He and his freshly resurrected followers will institute the kingdom/government of God on Earth. Sounds pretty good, don’t cha think? What could go wrong? Every time religion was in charge here below everything was just phucking wonderful. It all starts when Jesus returns in the clouds (which begs the question: when did He leave?) Too bad He’s gonna land at Jerusalem International, so if I wanna see it I’m gonna have to stay up late and watch it on the eleven o’clock news.

Here’s the thing: Not everybody in the twice-born community believes exactly when this will happen: Before or After the millennium. The Pre-millennialists believe it starts after Jesus returns to Earth, and the Post-millennials believe Jesus returns after the thousand years. I personally think a universal government of God focused on Truth, Justice and the American Way (oops..that’s Superman, not Jesus) would be pretty nice. All the different alien species on the Starship Enterprise (except those evil Klingons) seem to get along fairly well and like life under The Federation. Just think, everybody on their best behavior, and if there were some backsliding, they’d get a pitchfork pocked in their ass by an angel.

It’s those Post Millennialists ya gotta watch-out for. They think they got to bring Earth up to God’s standards before Jesus can return. That’s a lot of house-keeping, and entails instituting all the Old Testament biblical laws worldwide, which would be good for those in the medical profession that specialize in foreskin removal. Unfortunately, history has proven when God was in charge but absent, his servants made life pretty much a Hell on Earth.

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