mind expanding nonsense

Archive for the ‘Bizarre but true’ Category

Almost 70

 

I did these ones (remember that they are separate drawings drawn on separate days)  back in February 2017 when I was about to turn seventy (yes…Hansi is an old phucker).  This page is especially bizarre.  If you look closely, you’ll notice that a lot of these shapes look similar: striped sausages, some with polka-dots?  I see it more as a variation on a theme, than obsession.

Getting old is a trip, and if ya don’t watch it, a fall.  Don’t wanna fall down!  I’ve found that moderate cannabis use can ease the pains of aging (arthritis etc.) and provide a non-alcoholic way to relax and enjoy music.  TV is better with weed, but if too stoned, short term memory loss can really kick-in, making it nearly impossible to follow a story-line. Music is what really sounds good when you’re high.  Especially all that stuff we were listening to in the sixties (they were all loaded too).

Don’t think I’m advocating marijuana use for everybody. In my state it’s totally legal*.  My feeling is: If you don’t have your shit together, you shouldn’t smoke pot.  There’s some really potent shit out there, that can blow your mind and distort things which just aren’t real (like my drawings).  Plus, if you have an addictive personality, No Way.  Sure, marijuana isn’t addictive, but if you’re an addict (as in personality disorder), you gotta watch anything which can get out of control

 

*  Legality is a mixed blessing.  I personally voted against it feeling that with legalization comes taxation and regulation (I’m not a republican!)  Medical marijuana was working just fine if you wanted to stay legal and paid $60 for your special doctor, who spends an intense five minutes examining you (sometimes via Skype) to determine that you too could benefit and ease suffering with medicinal marijuana – what a joke!  But you were legal. Now it’s all about money, and how everybody can their cut of the action.  The new California Gold Rush is on full blast.  And the only one who’ll get hurt is the consumer.

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Here’s Another One

 

This one is two years old; I did it during December 2015 B.T.  B T stands for before Trump – don’t even wanna think about how AT (after trump) is gonna be.  I really don’t want to jump right into a political rant, cause I’ll just end up pissed-off, grumpy and a touch paranoid. Plus, I don’t want the whole blog-o-sphere thinkin’, ol’ Hansi once again over-medicated; and say, “Wow….Is he ever on a bummer.”

So….enough of that.  Let’s see what we got going on here.

We got a woman with purple hair (that’s good for starters), wearing a red and puke-green dress (stripes mandatory).  A polka-dotted reindeer (fits right in).  A green and pink striped object (NOT phallic symbol!) with tu-tu (gotta have on of those).  And a nude (wouldn’t be Hansi without one) with compartmentalized (big word) body parts floating/reclining among a sea of orbs (NOT fertility symbols!).  Even ol’ Hot Dog Man makes an appearance (ya he’s still hanging around).   This is one of my better one’s for sure.

 

 

December is one of the weirdest months of the year.  Everybody gets into a frenzy of buying stuff in order to celebrate the birth of a teacher who encouraged everyone to give away their possessions and lead a simple peaceful life not being overly concerned about one’s future well-being.  But that’s not the real reason we go through all that.  It’s because it’s the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year when the sun sets the lowest in its travel over our skies [astronomers would argue that it’s because of the earths axis and how it rotates in its orbit – fake news if I ever heard it].

The stupid pagans thought they had to sacrifice a virgin (good luck finding one of those these days) to coax the sun back from sinking in the ocean.  We modern people, who have smart phones, know it’s to keep the economy from sinking into a recession.  If you live in America (better not be here illegally) you get a head start on all the madness because we have Thanksgiving in late November.  And why is that so covetously good?  Because the day after Thanksgiving is Black Friday. [Thanksgiving – Black Friday, Hmmmm.  The lord givest and the lord takest away.]  Nothing more American than going out shopping on a Thursday evening with a bellyful of turkey and mashed potatoes n gravy.

2016

I call this one Two Thousand Sixteen.  Mainly because that’s the year I drew all this stuff (gawd do I ever wish it was 2016 again).  Pretty tricky dating your drawings with a drawing of the date (had no clue at the time).  I don’t know what to tell ya about this one.  Maybe you should look at it a while, then close your eyes and imagine all these things floating around in your living-room.  If you then open your eyes and they’re still there, better call 911.

Switching from mindless babel blog to art blog, what I’m trying to do is create shapes with contrasting colors.  Don’t try to read too much into them, for to me, ‘subject matter doesn’t matter’. Some of them work okay: the green and yellow striped oval is nice, but don’t look at it to long – your mind will start to wonder. The pink and green peace symbol: so so.  The orange with blue polka-dot sliced salami…I’ll let you be the judge.

Writing Stuff Down

 

november

If I wanna remember anything and use it in the future, I gotta write it down.  Cause if I don’t, I’ll forget.  [ I wonder when and where I wrote down “get up three times a night and pee”…weird how I seem to remember that one without a sign plastered on my bedroom wall.]    If I didn’t write November on the above drawing, I’d never know when I drew it, despite the fact that I sign and date all my stuff…must be that yellow post-it on my sketch-book.

It’s funny how one tends to remember all the bad stuff that happened to ya, and forget most of the good stuff.  Maybe that’s why I prefer to have a rich fantasy life.  These drawings reflect some of that fantasy life, but for the life of me I can’t remember what it was….by the looks of it, it must of been pretty good.

november detail (2)

About These Drawings

The coolest thing about drawing is that you can save them in actual (not virtual) paper books, commonly known to us in the business as sketch pads, and open them when ya want to and look at them.   That’s sorta, in a metaphorical way, what I’m doing here.   I often like to draw small little sketches, and because I’m a cheap bastard, put them on one page to save money.  It’s also my way of whipping-out little ‘mini paintings’ I can crank out in 15 minutes.  The reason I keep any drawing to 15 minutes ( 17 minutes if I’m on a roll ) is I’m often times afflicted with  short term memory loss due to the medication I take nightly.  Which, by the way, is now totally legal and for sale in California.  Only bummer is: most cities and local municipalities have banned sales so ya have to drive down to havens of trash like the San Fernando Valley to score to purchase some.  It is “The Valley” which also happily, supplies us with all our pornographic needs.   Disgusting!  Thank God we have a moral leader in this country (which gets greater on a daily basis) who would never indulge in such filth.

One day I accidentally screwed-up and took a double dose of medicine (forgetfulness is one of its side affects – which is not necessarily a bad thing as more and more there’s more things that I’d like to forget than keep in the front of my mind).  Any way….I got this big flash!  What if I somehow tied together artistically all these separate drawings done on separate days to make one whole cohesive skater-brained composition?  Pretty wild.

 

So with the help of some cheap high school level art tricks I’ve been able to take ball-point pen and colored pencils to new heights.

Drawing A Blank

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A lot of times when I don’t have anything to blog about, I blog about not having anything to blog about, and suddenly I have something to blog about.  Lately I’ve noticed that I’m forgetting things.  Not the stuff I’d like to forget once and for all – that comes back and haunts me on a daily basis.  It’s the little things, like getting up and going into the kitchen and immediately forgetting what I went in there for.  Another favorite is knowing that I’m becoming forgetful, I’ll write it down something down (for sure as shit I’ll forget).  Problem is, by the time I find where I’ve left my pen and paper, I’ve forgotten what was so damn important in the first place.

There’s others, but I’ve totally forgotten what they were.

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“This Is Me”

now 002

I don’t know about you, but every afternoon between 2 and 3 I get a lot of calls from people wanting to sell me solar panels or a kitchen re-model.  This often repeats itself between 5:30 and 6:30 in the evening.  I can always tell when I’m being hit, cause when I answer my phone with “Hello”, I get two seconds of silence, then a click or two, and finally some guy who’s still chewing his food, swallows and asks if Mr. Ne*#@^**d is there.

Here’s where it gets irritating: when they can’t even pronounce my name correctly, and when they get close, it’s pronounced like in a question – did I pronounce that right?   Well hell no!  Unless you’re calling from Norway (I’ve got a Norwegian last name).  I’ve tried to be nice in the past, but I’ve already got solar panes on my roof.  And if these fools even bothered to do a little research instead of cold calling anyone who breaths, they’d know I’ve had em since 2007.  [Yep…everything in Hansiland is fully solar and powered by the sun.  Wouldn’t it be cool if everything on earth were powered by the sun?].

The calls I hate the most are the automated ‘robo-calls’, gawd knows I got enough of those during the last election…some very famous people even called little ol’ me.  My favorite (the one that pisses me off the most) is the one that starts off with “Hello Seniors”.  That’s enough to piss-off any baby boomer.  But here’s the fun part.  When I hear that deep rich voice say “hello seniors”, I immediately reply with “Fuck You!”  If particularly grouchie, I often go on to spew forth every profanity I learned in the gutter, in potty-mouth overdrive.  Pretty cool.  Pretty cathartic!  I get to say all manner of inappropriate, politically incorrect filth without offending a real person (which is not nice).  It’s kinda like being a Socialist Hating Tea Partier without having to give up your Social Security, Medicare and subsidized housing benefits.

I’m now answering my phone, not with “hello”, but with “This is Me”.  I think there’s a machine placing endless calls, which is only switched over to an actual solicitor when it hears a “hello” reply.  Machines these days can speak English.  So, if I say “this is Me”, all my friends will know they’ve reached me (and not you).  If a solicitor does get through and asks for Mr. Ne*#@#*d, I get to have some fun and reply,  “this is me”, and we’re off to the races.  [I actually tried it.  They passed over my opening, went on with their spiel, until they asked if I were the homeowner.  “This is Me”, I replied.  There was silence, and finally they hung-up].

Wowie zowie.  Hansi: 1, solicitors: 0.  Sure hope they cross me off their list.

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