mind expanding nonsense

Peddling Prosperity

Just about every morning I go to the Gym.  And after some moderate strength training (weight lifting),  I spend 30 minutes literally pedaling my ass off on a recumbent stationary cycle which has it’s own little TV.  Normally I’ll watch cable news, stuff like CNN or MSNBC, or if I really wanna raise my heart rate, FOX.  But all that does is piss me off, so a few days ago I went channel surfing, while pedaling, and watched televangelist Joyce Meyer.

Wow!  What a show!  A sixty year old woman with painted lips like the Jokers, telling  everyone that God wanted you to go on an adventure with Him, and that He’ll solve all your problems and even reward you financially because He preferred to see the righteous prosper more than the wicked.  All ya needed to do to start was one of her books, which she’ll gladly send you for a love offering of $30 (or more).  Doing so would result in blessings ten times over, and there would be no stoppin’ ya then.

As warm and fuzzy all this feel-good shit sounded, a couple of things kinda didn’t sit right.  As I recall from Sunday School, Jesus talked about the poor being the ones who are blessed; not to lay up treasures on earth; how it’s easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God; and  giving away all that you have to the poor.  Secondly, Paul said women should remain silent in church, and that it was “a disgrace” for them not to do so.

Well, times have changed, and what did Paul and Jesus know about Christianity anyway…they were Jewish.  What she, and others, like folksy sincere Joel Osteen, are preaching is the “Prosperity Gospel.”  And boy oh boy are they gettin’ rich.  Ms Meyer has an estimated net worth of 25 million dollars; Osteen around 40 mil.  This got me to thinkin’…God don’t want me just barely getting by on Social Security and a piddly-ass small county pension.  He wants me to be rich!

So ol’ Hans is now fleecing servicing the flock with his drawing ministry.  You too can enjoy the uplifting drawings that will bring you closer to God (and your financial goals) with a faith offering of $30 (or more).  In return, you’ll receive a personalized, digitally anointed Hansi original.  Just leave your credit card number, with expiration date and security code, in the comment section below, and you’ll be just a short copy and paste away from your adventure in faith with Hansi and all his inspiring artwork.

Comments on: "Peddling Prosperity" (12)

  1. Amen bro! Check this out for some inspiration–

    • Sounds good to me except I don’t have a lot of extra cash, and I’m afraid if I drank some I’d be up and running to the bathroom to pee all night.

  2. My check is in the mail.

  3. This is the reason why people need to do their research, read and understand the Bible for themselves. I have watched joyce Meyers and read her book. I watch because i choose to. I read a few of het books like The battle field of the mind, because the message made sense to me. I believe that I can find solutions to my own problems, but I do pray. All in all let the buyer be ware.

  4. I promise to pay after I die and move into the mansion Osteen promised me.

  5. I tried to sell my soul, but couldn’t find it.

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