Phucking A

OK you perverts, I know you can read, and you think you know what I mean, but THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SEX. It’s mostly about phonetics (fonetics). Anyway, I can’t use the ‘F’ word on my PG 13 blog. It would be too embarrassing for my retired readers to explain to their grandchildren, should they see what Grandpa does on the computer all day. And the Wife? She’d ban ya from reading my shit ever again, and throw you ancient ass out of that computer room/refuge you hide in, and make ya do something useful around the house. She already knows  about all the filth ya look at anyway.

So, I got this brilliant idea form an English blogger, John McNally, who said in one comment or another, that in the UK, the terms “piss-off” and “f**k-off” are basically humour terms, not foul terms of derision. Words are just sounds, and how these sounds are used is the important thing, not the word itself. It’s like whistling: You can either make a beautiful melody come out of your mouth, or a cat-call signaling your approval of some little tramp walking by.

So lets look at phuck, cause its a noun, verb, adjective and pronoun all wrapped up in one, depending on how ya use it. Fist thing that comes to my mind is Mother Phucker. An adverb, sometimes. Mostly a noun, and if said to you by a black person, usually a sign that you’re in trouble. Could be a term of delight though, like when you see an old friend and say, “What’s up, Mother Phuck”.

Back in High school we used to say, “Phucking A”; an indication of agreement on a certain subject. If you whole heartedly agreed, you might utter, “Phucking A Tweetie”. It’s all in how you use it, ain’t it? Phuckin’ A it is!

Now those potty mouthed Brits use the phucking “F” word in every other phucking sentence. But you can hardly understand them when they get to talking fast, and it sounds more like ‘fock’, instead of phuck, so it has an entirely different meaning. Their favorite is when they tell someone to “Fock off”. I haven’t fully deciphered that one yet, as it has a multitude of meanings, but I get the general drift. In the US of A, using the “F” word in every sentence is usually an indication of little education, or that you’re from the South….. Dumb Phuckers!

Phuck can also be used as a character trait. Never want to be a ‘bum-phuck’ or, for my UK friends, a ‘Bum phucker’. Nor a ‘dumb phuck’, but then again dumb is usually used for ‘shits’ and not phuckers. In High School, we learned to take “Phuck You” as a blessing and wishes for future sexual adventure…instead of a challenge to fight. Yeah, we were phucking wimps, but I’ll take that as an acknowledgment that at least we were doin’ It. And not going solo like you.

By now some of you may be thinking, “Hansi, you’re phull of it; go phuck yourself.” Well, all I can say is, “What the phuck?” Or should that be, “What?…the Phuck?” Anyway, all I know is that if the Wife reads this, I’m really phucked.

Well, looks like it’s time for me to go…..and phuck-off’.

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