mind expanding nonsense

Phucking A

OK you perverts, I know you can read, and you think you know what I mean, but THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SEX. It’s mostly about phonetics (fonetics). Anyway, I can’t use the ‘F’ word on my PG 13 blog. It would be too embarrassing for my retired readers to explain to their grandchildren, should they see what Grandpa does on the computer all day. And the Wife? She’d ban ya from reading my shit ever again, and throw you ancient ass out of that computer room/refuge you hide in, and make ya do something useful around the house. She already knows  about all the filth ya look at anyway.

So, I got this brilliant idea form an English blogger, John McNally, who said in one comment or another, that in the UK, the terms “piss-off” and “f**k-off” are basically humour terms, not foul terms of derision. Words are just sounds, and how these sounds are used is the important thing, not the word itself. It’s like whistling: You can either make a beautiful melody come out of your mouth, or a cat-call signaling your approval of some little tramp walking by.

So lets look at phuck, cause its a noun, verb, adjective and pronoun all wrapped up in one, depending on how ya use it. Fist thing that comes to my mind is Mother Phucker. An adverb, sometimes. Mostly a noun, and if said to you by a black person, usually a sign that you’re in trouble. Could be a term of delight though, like when you see an old friend and say, “What’s up, Mother Phuck”.

Back in High school we used to say, “Phucking A”; an indication of agreement on a certain subject. If you whole heartedly agreed, you might utter, “Phucking A Tweetie”. It’s all in how you use it, ain’t it? Phuckin’ A it is!

Now those potty mouthed Brits use the phucking “F” word in every other phucking sentence. But you can hardly understand them when they get to talking fast, and it sounds more like ‘fock’, instead of phuck, so it has an entirely different meaning. Their favorite is when they tell someone to “Fock off”. I haven’t fully deciphered that one yet, as it has a multitude of meanings, but I get the general drift. In the US of A, using the “F” word in every sentence is usually an indication of little education, or that you’re from the South….. Dumb Phuckers!

Phuck can also be used as a character trait. Never want to be a ‘bum-phuck’ or, for my UK friends, a ‘Bum phucker’. Nor a ‘dumb phuck’, but then again dumb is usually used for ‘shits’ and not phuckers. In High School, we learned to take “Phuck You” as a blessing and wishes for future sexual adventure…instead of a challenge to fight. Yeah, we were phucking wimps, but I’ll take that as an acknowledgment that at least we were doin’ It. And not going solo like you.

By now some of you may be thinking, “Hansi, you’re phull of it; go phuck yourself.” Well, all I can say is, “What the phuck?” Or should that be, “What?…the Phuck?” Anyway, all I know is that if the Wife reads this, I’m really phucked.

Well, looks like it’s time for me to go…..and phuck-off’.

*********

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Comments on: "Phucking A" (15)

  1. Hansi, the majority of Brits vocabulary is limited to the F word, phrases such as ‘init’, ‘it’s well good’ and others I don’t understand.

    Our education system has a lot to answer for, I dread to think what the future generations are going to turn out like. The only consolation is I won’t be here to see it.

    Bill
    A-U-L, UK

    • The education system in the States is going down the phucking tubes also. Hey Bill, I’m glad to hear your staying with the blog, and forgoing the money angle.

  2. I can assure you as a Brit we dont all use the ph word that often, unless at work, driving or in our storys 😉 dont even start on the c word which is still the worst one to use in the UK,

  3. Am I to blame for this “Derek and Clive” blog post? 😳 I’m honoured and embarrassed…..I liked your Phucking A artwork, it was, well, phucking A actually.

    High use of the F word in Britain is also linked to low education the same as in the States. I don’t like hearing it, which means I have to be careful where I watch football matches, the referee is usually F’ing useless.

    John
    A polite Englishman

    PS. I keep meaning to ask is your name Hans? or Hansi? I know you sign yourself Hansi, but maybe you are just absent minded?

    • Yep John….It’s all your fault, and thank you. Glad you liked the drawing at the end. Folks rarely comment on the drawings and I thought that one was one of my phucking best 🙂 Real name, on my genuine American proving me to be 100% red-blooded USDA choice, birth certificate is Hans. Hansi is a German term of endearment for a little boy named Hans. Just like we’d call you Johnny as a lad.

      Hansi A foul mouthed American

  4. You make two Hanses I know…

    If you want to place overuse of the word fuck on a geographical area I wish you’d lay off the south…unless it’s south Philly. The Eye-tal-yans there and in New York use it far more. I think they even ask their mothers, “Is fuckin’ dinner ready?”

    • Bob…You’re right, and sorry for usin’ ya southern boys for a cheap comic effect. Those phucking east coast Greasers have the foulest phucking mouths I’ve ever phucking heard. Now I’ll probably catch hell from them too 🙂

  5. Your sister Heidi said:

    Hansi, the German equivalent to fuck is “fick” and it is in our dictionary: As a noun for sexual intercourse, the verb being “ficken”, the adjective “fickerig” means nervous or horny.
    “Fickfack” is an excuse or pretext, “fickfacken” is searching for an excuse, and a “Fickfacker” is an unreliable person.
    Does anything similar exist in an English dictionary?

    I hope I contributed to your list of useful German vocabulary and that you might have the opportunity of using the one or other at an appropriate time!

    • Ficken Ach meine Sister Heidi. The Germans sure have a way with tongue twisters. Fick me, if that’s not the most interesting ficken stuff I’ve ever heard. I’m taking it from a reliable source , not just some fickerig Fickfacker. By the way, there’s no phucking equivalent in the English dictionary 🙂

  6. You really need to add this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CqnvxP0H3lM to it 🙂 I believe it’s Lenny Bruce but I’m not certain

    • Doug…I’ve seen that one. It’s pretty phuckin’ phunny…thanks.

      • You;re welcome 🙂 I once – many moons ago – was a theatrical lighting designer and did the lighting for a university (SFU) production of Lenny – great stuff – wondsrful social commentor/comedian

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