mind expanding nonsense

Dumb Shits

I have a special place in my heart for dumb shits. Not because I condone their actions, but for the security they have provided me with throughout the years. Having been a probation officer my whole career, dumb shits not only helped me buy a house, raise a family and put my kids through college. They even enabled me to travel, as I worked part-time as a P O for five years after retiring.

Well here’s another one writing into an advice column entitled “The Ladies Love Her Helpful Boyfriend”:

Dear Fannie: My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. We are compatible in every way but one. He feels compelled to run to the aid of his single, female neighbor, even though she has a boyfriend. He watches her dog, fixes her fence, helps with clogged drains, etc. I’ve told him this makes me uncomfortable. I feel he is sending the wrong message, enabling her to rely upon him and creating a bond. I want him to stop volunteering his services. He thinks I’m making a big deal about nothing.

A similar situation happened two years ago with a different single, female neighbor, and I found a flirtatious note from her on his door. I don’t believe anything happened between them, but the neighbor apparently hoped something would.

I think he craves the adoration and wants women to idolize and praise him for coming to their rescue. Am I being petty, or is my boyfriend playing me for a fool?

Concerned Girlfriend.

You don’t have to be a professional counselor to see we have a real dumb shit here. I’d call her Cleopatra, cause she’s the Queen of De-Nile. Wake up Girlfriend. Boyfriend is cheatin’ on your ass, and big time. He’s “volunteering” his services alright. How many times a week does her “drain” get clogged? Yeah, I bet he’s “fixing her fence” too. Sure go through a lot of condoms “fixing” stuff. He ain’t sending no wrong messages, he just sending one. No wonder he watches her dog, that man wants some like-minded company when you gals aren’t around.

Girlfriend, moves from the Fool category, right into Dumb Shit-land, by failing to see a pattern of behavior. In corrections, the surest way to predict the potential for future violence, is by finding a prior history of like behavior. Is she being petty? Well only if adultery is OK.  If she’s cheatin’ too, then no harm, no foul. But twice in two years???   Honey, you best be looking for another man, and not one who’s handy “fixing” things.

Didn’t dumb shit girlfriend’s Mom tell her what men want? Well it ain’t praise or adoration; it’s what she’s sitting on. And the only thing Boyfriend’s rescuing them from, is celibacy, or a bad case of the ‘horns’.

Comments on: "Dumb Shits" (16)

  1. Hansi,
    So I say this girl isn’t as dumb as you make her out to be. She knows she’s not a ten and hopes that a little love and understanding will make up the difference. Besides, these days where is she going to find a standup guy, anyway?

    • All us stand up guys have already been taken.

      • That’s what I’m saying. Is Bad Deacon still available?

      • Ralph…I don’t know if the Bad One is available or not. I try to stay out of his love-life; I sleep better at night that way.n I also warned him of dumb-shits, and, high maintenance women.

      • I pretty quickly filter out the dumb shits and high maintenance ones. Not yet taken, so if you know any lovely single ladies in the Bay Area, tell them I can have them come in for a thorough job interview.

      • Wouldn’t touch that one with a ten-foot pole, especially when it comes to what type of “job” you would want them for. But think: nice, intelligent white girl, of northern European descent, capable of bearing grandchildren 🙂

      • And yes, it’s probably easier not knowing my love life hijinks. Otherwise, you’d know I’m going to some wine tasting thing right now that a girl I know invited me to. Funny though, a couple hours after this girl invited me, another girl invited me to the same event, and she’ll be there too! This kind of thing is always hilarious in sitcoms, so it should work out fine.

  2. Well, love makes the world go round or so they say.

    Bill
    Ashton-under-Lyne, UK

  3. First thing that comes to mind…peroxide inhibited. Kinda like my dog, except human (I hope). In which case, she can’t be held responsible for her chemical affliction … =)

    Great weekend to you Sir Hansi! =)

  4. I’m jealous of the bloke. How can he fix all those things and still have time for nookie? He’s my hero…..

    John
    Wishing I could fix things in Leamington Spa, England

    • Hey John…Thanks for stopping by for a hallucination. My bloke is good at multi-tasking, while providing a community service, servicing all those lovely young neighbors of his.

  5. bad case of the horns, was she called barb ?

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