Dumb Shits

I have a special place in my heart for dumb shits. Not because I condone their actions, but for the security they have provided me with throughout the years. Having been a probation officer my whole career, dumb shits not only helped me buy a house, raise a family and put my kids through college. They even enabled me to travel, as I worked part-time as a P O for five years after retiring.

Well here’s another one writing into an advice column entitled “The Ladies Love Her Helpful Boyfriend”:

Dear Fannie: My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. We are compatible in every way but one. He feels compelled to run to the aid of his single, female neighbor, even though she has a boyfriend. He watches her dog, fixes her fence, helps with clogged drains, etc. I’ve told him this makes me uncomfortable. I feel he is sending the wrong message, enabling her to rely upon him and creating a bond. I want him to stop volunteering his services. He thinks I’m making a big deal about nothing.

A similar situation happened two years ago with a different single, female neighbor, and I found a flirtatious note from her on his door. I don’t believe anything happened between them, but the neighbor apparently hoped something would.

I think he craves the adoration and wants women to idolize and praise him for coming to their rescue. Am I being petty, or is my boyfriend playing me for a fool?

Concerned Girlfriend.

You don’t have to be a professional counselor to see we have a real dumb shit here. I’d call her Cleopatra, cause she’s the Queen of De-Nile. Wake up Girlfriend. Boyfriend is cheatin’ on your ass, and big time. He’s “volunteering” his services alright. How many times a week does her “drain” get clogged? Yeah, I bet he’s “fixing her fence” too. Sure go through a lot of condoms “fixing” stuff. He ain’t sending no wrong messages, he just sending one. No wonder he watches her dog, that man wants some like-minded company when you gals aren’t around.

Girlfriend, moves from the Fool category, right into Dumb Shit-land, by failing to see a pattern of behavior. In corrections, the surest way to predict the potential for future violence, is by finding a prior history of like behavior. Is she being petty? Well only if adultery is OK.  If she’s cheatin’ too, then no harm, no foul. But twice in two years???   Honey, you best be looking for another man, and not one who’s handy “fixing” things.

Didn’t dumb shit girlfriend’s Mom tell her what men want? Well it ain’t praise or adoration; it’s what she’s sitting on. And the only thing Boyfriend’s rescuing them from, is celibacy, or a bad case of the ‘horns’.