udder nonsense

Crash and Burn

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Is everything getting ready to crash and burn; turn to shit right in front of our own eyes?  Sure seems like it.  While everyone is freezing their assess off in the northeast, those of us in California and the southwest are heading into our third year of drought, with no relief in sight.  Governor Brown is even talking about mandatory 20% water cut-backs.  How are we gonna be able to grow our own marijuana when it finally becomes legal in the ‘Golden State’?  What it means for me is: more peeing outside, and more efficient use of ‘grey-water’ on my plants.  The veggies will get water, but the poor lawn will remain brown for a long time.

I’m starting to get a little paranoid, and I don’t like it!  I don’t like living in fear, and generally try to maintain a positive attitude.  I’ve got a friend who’s an right-wing ideologue.  He listens to Rush, Michael Savage and watches Fox News all the time.  He fears catastrophe, be it a force of nature or some liberal conspiracy, it is just around the corner waiting to get him.  And although he’s privy to all the shenanigans of the left and evils of Obamacare, it’s not making him any more happier, let alone instilling a feeling of security or peace in him.  Guess if ya live in fear all the time, you become fearful.

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Finding One’s Voice

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Finding one’s voice.

Is not a matter of choice.

But something in which to rejoice.


Don’t worry.  I’m not turning this into a poetry  blog.  I was just sitting around one night and wondering what rhymed with voice.  Not a whole lot of words with oice in them.  Hoist and foist are close, but have that ‘t’ sound at the end, so they really don’t count.

If I were however do go the poetry route.  I think it would mainly consist of dirty limericks.  Think: The man from Nantucket, or “There once was a man from Trent”.  I have written a few limericks.  The one below pretty much sums up my career as a PO (probation officer), but can apply to anyone who has worked in a big government agency or corporation.

There once was a PO named Stover

Who was treated worse than my dog named Rover

Many years did pass

Of taking it in the ass

So he changed his name to Ben Dover.

Mellowing Out

new 041Some things seem to get better when they are left alone to just sit there, age and do nothing.  I know I am.  Non-imaginary things like cheese, wine and beer do the same thing, and in the process loosen hidden characteristics which make them rich and much to be desired (just like me also).  Mellowing-out is a time to enrich your life; kick-back, chill, find your groove and relax.

I do that every night for a few hours.  Sure feels nice, tuning everything out, listening to music – whole albums in their entirety.  The Wife doesn’t mind.  She’s busy reading Irish detective novels or playing spider solitaire on the computer.  Works for me.  Must work for her.

The one thing all the mutual fund companies don’t tell ya when you’re planning for retirement is how much time you’re gonna end up spending with you spouse, especially if she’s retired too. (Spouse can refer to men or women, for it’s a gender neutral or sexless term, and the longer you’ve been a “spouse”, the more sexless it becomes).  Both of you are gonna be home…all the time.

Sometimes I think, “I gotta get outta the house”.  The Wife probably thinks the same thing too.  Maybe that’s why I still work, or more accurately go to work.  It’s not like I love what I’m doing or anything.  It’s just a place to go, and, see other people (even if they are former co-workers who I can’t stand). Our solution is to allow each other time with their friends.  She gets to go out with “the girls”, and I get to hang-out with my buddies, even go on fishing trips.

I don’t know what got me on to all of that.  Time to re-commence mellowing out, and listen to some Jethro Tull.

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A Question Of Style

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That sounds like a pretty cool title.  Unfortunately, I was unable to come up with more that just that.  Although I certainly don’t have a ‘style’ when it comes to my wardrobe, I guess I do when it comes to drawing and writing.  That is if you consider sloppy draftsmanship and incoherent babbling a style.  I consider them more of an affliction.

Affliction is a strange term.  Sounds biblical to me.  Something that might happen if you’re an Egyptian or worshiper of Baal.  It’s definitely not something one chooses, but is forced upon you, often in mysterious ways (God’s favorite modus operandi).  And like a good mystery, you never know who done it till the end.

Anyway, here’s some new work.  In a different style, but still the same old stuff.

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Don’t ya just sometimes wish that things were weight-less and could float in the air before your eyes, and if ya wanted to, make them float over to you so you wouldn’t even have to move a muscle to get them?  I sure do, especially when I’m nearly horizontal on my Lazy-Boy recliner.  I know, sounds like total geezer heaven.  But that’s what happens if you’re on a space station where there’s no gravity except for the movie.  I wonder if that’s what it means to be ‘spaced-out’?

Most of my drawings consist of stuff floating around in a spacial area.  I call them hallucinations, but they’re really not hallucinations, just imaginations I’ve seen when in a dream-like state with my eyes closed (best way to see things).  In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a real hallucination before.  But then again, if I had, it would have seemed so real that I’d never think it to be a hallucination, but just boring old reality gone berserk.

3-28-14 004Maybe everything is a hallucination.  A distortion, perceived, not as it truly is, but filtered by our likes and dislikes; what we desire vs. what we detest.  I do that a lot: love it, hate it.  Reminds me of that old slogan, “America – Love it or leave it.”  Back in the sixties I loved America so much that I joined the National Guard so I wouldn’t have to leave it and get my ass shot in Vietnam. [mother-fuckers]

It’s a good thing that WordPress only has a Like button, and not a Dislike button.  It would be very interesting if they did.  Then you’d find out how many people thought what ya wrote was a total waste of time, and wound up so pissed-off they were too speechless to even make a comment, but had the common courtesy to say they stopped by.  [My stats would soar, and maybe  I could have the most unpopular blog on the internet]. It would be like saying, ‘fuck you’ without having to be a gross potty mouth by using the f-word.

A dislike button would be good for the TV too.  But sadly that is yet to happen.  Guess I’ll just have to use the red ‘power’ button on my remote whilst softly uttering a dis-approving fuck you.

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I Don’t Wanna Write

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Okay….I just drew this picture with I Don’t Want To Wright written on it.  Actually, the words weren’t written but drawn, so spelling them correctly was of no big concern for me, and a good excuse for botching up my synonyms or words that sound the same but are spelled differently.  So don’t blame my draftsmanship.  Spell-Check missed it too, so that’s two great minds that fucked up.  Anyway, I didn’t want words getting in the way of free-flowing thought.  And, writing words often times gets in the way of that and drawing too.

But I still wanted to convey the idea that writing wasn’t a big priority for me when I did this drawing about not wanting to write anything.  That’s why I illustrated my idea; sure didn’t wanna describe it. It’s interesting to compare the writing versus the drawing.  Even I would have never guessed that so much bullshit could possibly result from a simple drawing.  There aren’t words enough to describe it.happy faces 019

Oh yea….If there’s an advertisement below, please ignore it.  I’m not getting a cent for it, and probably wouldn’t buy it myself.  So it’s not an endorsement, but rather an un-dorsement.

Food Fornication

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Sometimes I get a great flash for a title, and then have to dream up a bunch of filler for subject matter. Well, Food Fornication was as good as it got one night while listening to the Doors.  Grossly inappropriate?  I prefer to think I have a rich imagination: food with a sex-life.  First thing I thought about was serving meals in provocative poses: German sausage smothering in sauerkraut served on a sliced bun.  But in a moment of clarity, I got to thinkin’.  Hell yes food has a sex-life  When we eat it, most of our food is dead, but before we killed it, food was screwing its brains out.

My garden is full of plants pollinating and being pollinated.  Even bees join in for a three-some of fun.  And meat.  You better believe meat was sexually active.  If it wasn’t, we would’ve run out of animals to consume a long time ago.

I’m a liberal kinda guy, and really don’t mind if my food had sex or not.  I just don’t want my food fucking me.  Food is supposed to make you healthy, nourish your body, and not make ya sick.   But there is a major American agricultural giant, we”ll call it Monsanto, that is involved in some major food fornication, creating genetically modified organisms (GMO’s), that like Doctor Frankenstein’s monster are creating all sorts of problems.  This isn’t like breeding plants and creating hybrids.  It’s screwing with a plant’s DNA, splicing certain genetic characteristics into most of the corn, soybeans and sugar beats grown in the USA.

12-13-13 004Here’s where it gets a little crazy and starts to make me paranoid.  These plants are genetically modified to be resistant to herbicides, while containing a protein of Basilius Thuringiensis (a naturally occurring bacteria which causes paralysis to the digestive tract of certain caterpillar/worm-like insects).  Sounds good for the farmer.  He can spray his crops with Round-Up herbicide (made by Monsanto), grow plants (seeds courtesy of Monsanto) that will kill pests upon eating, but not save seeds for next years crop because Monsanto owns the intellectual property rights to those seeds and will sue your ass for doing so.  [I thought God owned all the intellectual property rights to His creation, but I guess Monsanto bought Him out.]

Some would say, and the “experts” assure us, that there is no harm in eating GMO foods.  Maybe so, but I’d encourage you to checkout the Non GMO Project and decide for yourself.  But any plant that can withstand one of the most powerful herbicides around, and be poisonous to bugs is not something I wanna put in my body.  Monsanto can go screw itself, not me!

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