mind expanding nonsense

Cane and Able

Well, ol’ Hansi’s ancient ass recently took a swan-dive into full geezer-hood.  I started to use a cane to help me get around.  I fought it for a long time, but finally came to the conclusion that ‘it’s time’.  I have a really bad collapsed ankle from years of running, and am now afflicted with sciatica – a real pain in the ass.  So I’m a little unsteady on my feet, and a cane helps with stability and eases the sciatica; don’t wanna fall down (the curse of getting old, especially if ya can’t get back up again.)

It’s taking me a little bit of time to get fully used to using a cane.  First thing I discovered is: where do ya put the thing when you’re not walking around?  I can see now that those canes that stand up by themselves (with the four little prongs) are not just for the seriously disabled, but could come in real handy especially when you’re on your feet and using both hands.  This got me to thinking.  I need a cane that has a multitude of functions, kinda like a Swiss Army Knife, but in my case a Swiss Army Cane.

My cane would not only stand up by itself, but also have a grabbing device with trigger at the handle, so you could pick up things without having to get out of the recliner; being magnetized is a must for them small metal objects.  A light would be nice, and also a remote so when you forgot where ya left it, you could just push a button and a beeper in your cane would go off and you could hobble back to the bathroom where ya left it hanging on the towel rack.  GPS would be nice, but I doubt I’d go far enough from home to need one. It should glow in the dark; it’s hard to find things in the middle of the night, and a cup holder is a must.

Right now, I think my invention is weighing in at close to thirty pounds.  Might have to go back to the drawing board and make some revisions.  Did I leave anything out?

 

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Dirty Limericks

I love dirty limericks, you know, those five line verses that are usually outrageous, sometimes obscene (the funnier ones) and have witty rhymes usually dealing with one’s anatomy.  The men from Nantucket and Trent are among my favorites, (shame on you if ya know what I’m talking about).  If you’re familiar with these two, good for you.  If not, you’ll have to look ’em up on Wikipedia.  (see ribald version).

I can’t print them here cause they’re way too nasty, and this is an All American Boy (of German descent) wholesome blog.  What I did is clean them up a bit, while still hinting at their bawdy nature.  So get your filthy mind outta the gutter and enjoy.

There once was a man from Trent.

Who couldn’t afford to pay the rent

He said it was no trouble

“Next month I’ll pay double

Cause right now all my assets have been spent.”

*

There once was a man from Nantucket.

Who carried his lunch in a bucket.

When he started to dig in,

Milk exploded from a tin,

So instead of chewing, he had to suck it.

 

Carrot Juice

I probably cranked these out just after I made a batch of carrot juice.  Says a lot about a person…like maybe you’re a health-food nut?   Well,  only if ya grow your own carrots, and  a few beets, a touch of parsley, and all the kale you can stand and throw in on top of it all.   Mmm Yummie.   Maybe not, but it sure is healthy and you can taste a certain earthy-ness of all the root crops.   Beets are good for your liver, carrots help your eyes – never saw Bugs Bunny wearin’ glasses – kale, what can I say… a super weapon of a food (if you can get by the taste).

Carrot juice is kinda like the hashish of ‘health-food’, super concentrated vitamins and minerals without a ton of bulk.  Not that fiber is bad, oh contrere!  Fiber is like the ‘Drano’ of your digestive tract, pushing out all the stuff that ya don’t want lingering around down there.  Who wants to eat ten carrots, and chase it with a raw beet?  Not me!  But I can easily consume that much via juice in a nice tall glass with umbrella on top.   Cheers!

No Explanation Needed

Sometimes these drawings need no explanation whatsoever.  They are what they are, and they don’t need a deeper understanding (which could only lead your filthy imagination to dirty thoughts, and that’s not good).  Other times I just come up short and have nothing to say.  That’s because I drew all this stuff months ago, and have since, totally forgotten what  I was thinking about.  There are however, brief glimpses of insight when I draw and write at the same time.  That’s the best of both worlds.

Stormy Whether

Well….I’ve had a few days to fully digest Stormy Daniels and her appearance on the 60 Minutes news show.  I was waiting all week prior, just anticipating how juicy and salacious it was gonna be.  What gaff, what new revelation would be made.  Is The Donald doomed, finally gonna get his comeuppance by some bosom-matic porn star ?  Hard to wait for the next exciting episode.

What a bust! [Not her over-sized boobs, which just can’t be natural, and in reality, make her look like a freak of nature, not to mention the serious back-aches carrying them things ], but what a big nothing.  A one night fling, with a 60 year old guy she didn’t particularly find attractive, nor more than a run of the mill lover.  The Stormstress just found herself in a bad situation, knew what was coming, and like the professional she was, just sucked it up faced the music.  That was it.  She was no victim, just wanted to clear her good name.

I was disappointed.   She did a good job.  I found her believable.   But found myself wanting more, and a little pissed that I’d been ‘led on’ into focusing my attention, and what I allow into my mind, on Donald trump and his daily antics yet once again.  Will it ever end?

October

October must have been a pretty strange month.  All I can remember is that was sandwiched in there between September and November…if my memory serves me well.   And that’s the problem.  Lately, I’ve been getting some fairly shoddy service outta my memory.  It’s always late, not dependable, and if I took it out for a drive to the desert, I’d probably crap-out and leave me stranded.

 

Here’s one I did two years ago way back in the good ol’ days of 2016.  I was on a roll back then, just grinding out images based on a theme.  I know….A lot of these things look like giant bratwursts afflicted with rare diseases.  What can I say?

When I was in Germany visiting some relatives I’d never seen before, they decided to go all out and treat me to a German breakfast treat: Weiss-wurst. Weiss- worst wurst are small white sausages, that are boiled, and to make them totally un-appetizing, usually served on a white plate.  It’s made of veal (baby cows) and other assorted pork products.  I think sausages, or other meat products encased in animal intestines, are gross, and nothing more than a way to recycle every part of the pig except the ‘oink’. [I think God intended us to eat our food from the outside in, Not inside out].   Who knows what you’re getting or where it came from?  Although I may be a little fuzzy as to where bacon comes from, I sure knew which part of Porky Pig our Christmas hams came from.

Be sure to check-out this video for the fine art of eating Weisswurst.

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