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Workers Paradise


Workers Paradise. Remember that one? That’s what I also used to call “The House of Pain”; the probation department I worked in for thirty years. The House of Pain, as you know, was evil Dr Moreau’s laboratory in the classic movie “Island of Lost Souls” based on the H G Wells even more classic novel “The Island of Dr Moreau”. That’s were he forcefully changed the nature of wild animals (me) into acting like men and behaving in a manor contrary to their Inherent nature (still me).

So work became know amongst my co-workers as the “House Of Pain:. It was also known as “Workers Paradise”. Even more arcane, that’s what the Soviet Union [formerly known as The Evil Empire] called their centralized planning communist  economy. Boy, funny how a rigid adherence to  ideological principals that clearly weren’t working turned that place into a pile of shit; five year plans notwithstanding.  Although everybody had a job (unlike the good old USA where people are eating dung because of unemployment) , their wages were meager and there was basically nothing for them to buy. And anything worth buying was a piece of shit and cost you three or four years wages [ no credit crunch in Workers Paradise, but also no credit].

Just to be clear now, Workers Paradise, as good as it sounded, was really Workers Hell. And everybody knew it. Having a love affair with sarcasm, along with a fascination phor phucking with words, I therefore couldn’t help but call my place of employment “Workers Paradise”. Wonder if that’s why I never got promoted? And after a good roll in the hay with Lady Sarcasm, can’t help but wanna have a long smoke of some “Double Speak”. George Orwell really nailed that one. “Less is More” and “Peace through War”. I don’t think even Eric Cantor could have said it better.

Well, I’m not going to the House of Pain today. “What, I though you were retired Hansi.” I am, but I went back to work. Ya see, I’m a “Consumer”, and if you’re a Consumer, ya got to consume stuff. Now consumption don’t come cheap, gotta pay for it or borrow money from them Chinese guys so you can live in “Consumers Paradise”.  And having spent thirty years in the good doctor’s House of Pain, all my natural instincts have been bred out of me, so all that I could do was to walk up-right, not eat flesh, and go back to work and start consuming stuff.

Well right now I’m in Retirement Paradise. And its a trip to reflect on all the double speak I’ve been hearing lately. The truth is, the Truth is being bent out of shape by some folks, and although it kinda sounds correct, it’s nothing but a bunch of double speak. I’m especially fond of this one: “I’ve got my principles”.   Well who doesn’t?  Having principles infers that you are being driven by a higher power, and values far superior to your opponents.  Real Meaning:  I’m such a rigid ideologue that I’m willing to see everything crumble to the ground in order to get my way. “Got to cut the growth of the government; we’re mortgaging our children’s future” is another good one. Yep that dough for senior health care and retirement is going down the shitter alright; not to mention them Pell grants and money wasted on public education. But the money going to corporate American (oil subsidies and the like), why that’s not Spending, that’s growing jobs. Sounds good? Maybe if we all just wanted less from our government we’d really all have more!

There’s more, and I could go on about taxing the rich, the supposed election mandates of 2010 and our constant state of war [now we’re really getting Orwellian], but I’m in Retirement Paradise today. And if things get totally stinky, I think I’m gonna take my own advice and just call Bullshit!!! and get on with life.

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