mind expanding nonsense

Posts tagged ‘Tri phoria Review’

Tri-Phoria and the Wonder Bra

Back in the day when I first started blogging, I did a lot of parody posts about all the weird shit I saw on early morning Cable TV.  I get up pretty early in the morning, and before the gym opens at 5:00 a.m., I do a lot of stretching exercises in front of the tube.  And at 4;30 in the morning, it’s unbelievable all the crap they’re trying to sell ya.  I can live without the newest space-aged vacuum cleaner, and already have well cut abs (they’re just hiding under a layer of fat).

But when it comes to shit like “No Evil Oil”. How can I not help to get a little sarcastic, and verbally ream out the slick, southern, hoodoo preacher who’s selling that snake oil.  Great blog fodder.  Butt (a different type of but, butt the same) who can pass-up on something specially prepared, prayed over, and with hands laid upon by twelve Elders, that would bring ya nothing but good luck, and keep ya safe from all manner of harm?  I wanted to take a bath in that stuff.   But when they announced that it was sold by the ounce (yet probably made by the bath-tub full in someones trailer), and would cost ya a “generous gift” to this fake’s ministry, I decided to stick with my old tried and true “All Evil Oil”, which I’m using in full strength today.

I also found out about , and did posts on the “Wonder Bra”, or “Genie Bra’, same difference, just made  in different parts of China.  And…Tri-Phoria, the personal hand held vibrator from the folks at the Trojan rubber company (not to be confused with tire manufacturers).  those were so popular, that I did two posts on Tri-Phoria, mainly because the commercial for it was so outrageous, “blowing back the hair” of a bunch of little harlots raving about it at a bridal shower.  The Bride-to-be looked on in amazement, soon coming to the conclusion, “Who needs a man?”  Check out these little harlots.  It’ll Blow Your Hair Back

My stats swelled, like blood rushing to you know where, with posts like that.  Not that I was such a clever lampoonist, but because I added a shit-load of tags featuring Tri-Phoria and Wonder Bra key words.  All I could figure was that their was a lot of of horny full figured women (or kinky men) out there, in desperate need to know if this stuff actually worked as claimed.  When I got the comment: “I want one!  Please use overnight shipping.”  I knew I was on to something, or a gigantic disappointment to many.

Anyway, like the Church in the Middle Ages, I decided it was time to trot these relics out for the faithful.  To restore faith in Hansi, that he’s not totally gone over to a drawing only blog, but still has a few satirical marbles left in his head.  You may want to check out my 1950’s Japanese Godzilla/Rodan movie re-working called ‘Tri-Phoria versus Genie Bra“, complete with men in monster suits stomping the shit outta toy tanks and villages.

Well I’m just waiting now, like a monk hoping for that  ‘poor box’ to get filled.  Sure wanna   get a lot of views on this one.  Even added some new tags like: filth and, bad taste.  Don’t wanna leave anyone out 🙂

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Tri Phoria, let’s Review

Last year, way back in early December, I did a post on “Tri Phoria, Men Are Doomed”. Well it’s languished in the Archives for a long time, but has consistently gotten views on a weekly basis. Maybe because Tri Phoria is the latest personal vibrator from the folks at Trojan [you know, the company that makes those condoms everybody hates to use, but does so, especially when traveling in well charted, yet dangerous territories which may require doubling up so you don’t hit a sexually transmitted ice berg and go down like the Titanic].

My guess is, either I’m just a great writer and humorist, and people are just starting to find out about me and read everything I’ve ever written. Or, there’s a lot of single, lonely, and wee bit horny, women out there, and they want to know if the thing really works, cause they have their credit cards handy, and are willing to pay for express shipping.

It’s probably the later, but if ya got something workin’ for you, ya might as well beat it into the ground (fore if a little is good, a lot has got to be even better). And anyway its a good way to recycle earlier stuff when ya come up short. Nobody will notice in this land of Attention Deficit Disorder, we call the Blog O Sphere. So here’s a Review of Tri Phoria….Not the actual product, but of my December post on the subject. How the Hell should I know if a Female Vibrator is any good???

So talking about beating stuff into the ground. Tri Phoria is a personal vibrator just for women. I saw a lengthy ad just before Christmas last year, which featured a group of young “ladies” at a faux bridal shower. And what were they giving this bride to be ( dressed with white veil, and highly revealing cleavage)?? Toasters, cook books, linen??   Hell no!!!  They were giving her Tri Phoria personal vibrators, along with testimonials how it would “Blow Your Hair Back”. These little tramps, didn’t all chip in and buy her just one. No, she got 2 or 3; just for back-up I guess.

You just got to see this for yourself to believe it , So I’ve embedded the ad right here, for your edification. Enjoy

Didn’t ya just love those horny little harlots raving on about this substitute schwance?   Tri Phoria comes with three different attachments, to get You Phoriating three ways. And with two AA batteries, can provide up to 30 minutes of continuous use, unless of course you’re a little whore who keeps it turned to 10 the whole time. But the bottom line is: Men are Doomed. And….easily replaced with a product, that will out preform just about every one of us who is not a professional porn star.

If you watched the video to the bitter end, you’ve noticed the would be groom getting just as excited about her gifts as nympho fiance.  He says, “Sweeet”.   I know he’s an actor, and probably gay, but I just can’t understand a man going along with a dildo as wedding gift, let alone three of them.  Go figure.  All I can guess is “Oh boy! one for each of our orifices.”

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