Well it’s Mothers Day, and you better not forget. Even if it’s your wife, which technically doesn’t count cause your wife is not your mother but but your wife. Big difference! But don’t tell you wife that or the other 364 days of the year will be Ass-hole Day, and you’ll be the recipient. So suck it up and rush out and buy something.
In honor of Mothers Day, I thought I would dig something out of the archives that would be especially appropriate. It really has nothing to do with Mothers Day, but I’ll let you be the judge of that. It’s titled “Joe Mama”.
Back in the day when I was attending Dorsey High School in Los Angeles, one of our favorite activities was to participate in a “chop-fight”. A non violent affair which consisted of hurling insults at one another. Whoever bested his opponent by uttering a completely humiliating invective for which he had no response (‘what no come-back, it’s stuck in the back of your mouth?’) was the winner. These were serious matters, for ones reputation at school hung (and speaking of being well hung, I hear your sister has a pair bigger than yours) on how one fared in these duals.
These events usually ended in a draw, for known to everyone was the ultimate put-down for which there was no come-back. When one was going down for the count, and so low ya had to look up to see down, you had no choice but to hurl the ultimate weapon and respond with: “Your Mama”. That usually ended it. Everybody was wise enough, even at this young age, not to pursue the “mama” thing much further. But, “Your Mama”, or “Joe Mama” depending on which ethnic group involved, sometimes took on a life of its own. When both participants were really into trashing each other (“and speaking of Trash, How’s Joe Mama?”), things began to roll (“Your Mama; I hear your mama is so black she needs a license to buy white bread”) It usually ended with both fools wishin’ they was orphans or cutting themselves up with knives pretty badly.
Well I think it’s time for Your Mama to come back. Not literally, because most of us old guys’ Mamas are up in Heaven where they are enjoying their own chop-fights; there ultimate come-back is “Your Son”. Instead of always yelling ‘bullshit’ or the ‘F’ word when watching something especially tweeksome; just utter in a low voice “Your Mama”. When Bill O’Riley is going on about some uber right-wing nonsense, don’t get upset, just softly utter “your mama” and you’ve refuted his whole argument. What more can be said. Some politician trying to explain away how they got their had caught in the cookie jar. Don’t yell motherfucker. Nope, “Your Mama” says it all. You know, I think that I’m gonna stop using the word ‘bullshit’ altogether (might have to give up television to be successful), and instead just mumble “Joe Mama” when a witty repartee is needed.
Think not…. Your Mama!