mind expanding nonsense

Posts tagged ‘humor blog’

About These Drawings

The coolest thing about drawing is that you can save them in actual (not virtual) paper books, commonly known to us in the business as sketch pads, and open them when ya want to and look at them.   That’s sorta, in a metaphorical way, what I’m doing here.   I often like to draw small little sketches, and because I’m a cheap bastard, put them on one page to save money.  It’s also my way of whipping-out little ‘mini paintings’ I can crank out in 15 minutes.  The reason I keep any drawing to 15 minutes ( 17 minutes if I’m on a roll ) is I’m often times afflicted with  short term memory loss due to the medication I take nightly.  Which, by the way, is now totally legal and for sale in California.  Only bummer is: most cities and local municipalities have banned sales so ya have to drive down to havens of trash like the San Fernando Valley to score to purchase some.  It is “The Valley” which also happily, supplies us with all our pornographic needs.   Disgusting!  Thank God we have a moral leader in this country (which gets greater on a daily basis) who would never indulge in such filth.

One day I accidentally screwed-up and took a double dose of medicine (forgetfulness is one of its side affects – which is not necessarily a bad thing as more and more there’s more things that I’d like to forget than keep in the front of my mind).  Any way….I got this big flash!  What if I somehow tied together artistically all these separate drawings done on separate days to make one whole cohesive skater-brained composition?  Pretty wild.


So with the help of some cheap high school level art tricks I’ve been able to take ball-point pen and colored pencils to new heights.


This morning I was opening my e-mail, as I do every morning, to see if I got any comments on my blog. When I opened one from alan of tbaoo, instead of getting a cheery, upbeat bit about how wonderful my quirky drawings are, and what a great wit I am, I got a request for a guest post, featuring a drawing of what I thought he looked like, along with some commentary to match.

Well, drawing comes naturally to me. And commentary is a breeze. But making the two cohesive with some degree of sense to it all; that could be a problem. Also, I don’t do portraits. Doing likenesses is difficult, and I tend to shy away from all things difficult at this stage of life. But during a brief flash of lucidity, I thought, “Hey, I’ve never seen this guy (bloke) before in my life, and there’s no pictures of him on his blog. “No Problemo”.  And besides, if he wants me to do a likeness of what I think he looks like, then if it don’t really look like him, that’s his problem, and he better get to work on starting to look like my drawing.

Now,  I’ve been following tbaoo for well over a year, and I don’t really know much about alan (besides his first name). I know he lives in Australia, somewhere near the beach. But the whole place is just one big island, so that don’t help. He has some kind of mysterious job, that he alludes to, and even  goes to sometimes, or is in between. He does have good taste in music; seems fairly progressive; and supports our President Obama. So he’s not a total wanker. Then there’s his on-going story about Moony (a bloke) and his wild R-rated adventures (an alter-ego?).

Anyway, I don’t know why I drew him as being bald, maybe that’s the way he sounds to me from his blog. Strangely, when I read him, I don’t hear an accent of any kind. Must be all them lower case letters he uses, and his refusal to capitalize anything.

So there you have it and there it is. Pretty cool for old Hansi, to have now gone international. Be sure to check  tbaoo out. Hansi will be there too. Hopefully on the same day, but today for him is tomorrow for me, so if he posts his today, I won’t be able to post mine till tomorrow.  Evil date line

Now how’s that for for one big happy daisy-chain? Hey Alan, what’s buggering?

Tumor in my Brain

Ya ever wonder what it would be like to have a tumor in your brain?  An invasive growth that wanted to take over your body?  NOT the scary kind like cancer.  God forbid!  I wouldn’t want to wish that anyone except my worst enemies.  But the kind that’s been done in so many science fiction movies and bad TV shows.

Instead of finding such a prospect terrifying, I think it would be kinda cool.  It would sure make life a lot easier, cause ya wouldn’t  have to think all the time.  Instead, like cruise-control on your car, your Tumor could take over, and free ya up enough to stretch out and enjoy the ride.  Plus, if you ever screwed-up really badly, you could always blame it on your Tumor.  [“My Tumor made me do it!”]  Not only does that get ya off the hook, but is great for gaining sympathy.  And sympathy can sometimes into a sym-phony, if ya let your tumor take over for ya again.

I think my Tumor is starting to crap-out,  and stop thinking for me.  Here’s another drawing the  Tumor did.  It’s all its fault; hope you enjoy the drawing.

Political Poontang

If you don’t know what Poontang is, let me refresh your memory. [That was my favorite term for “I forgot” when I was a Probation Officer, and testifying in Court about why I was Violating some guy( had nothing to do with sex, although some of my clients really took it in the shorts), and had totally forgotten why, and needed to look in my case file to find out. I would have to ask the Judge if I could “refresh my memory” first before I could take a peek; which was not unlike trying to refresh an out-house.]

Anyway, back to Poontang, and, refreshing your memory without going into graphic details, is what Muddy Waters said, “makes ya feel so good when your baby put her night-dress on.” And, “It’s the same old thing that makes a preacher lay his Bible down”. Don’t ya just love those old Blues and R&B songs. Those guys sure had a way with words and were talkin’ about some really raunchy stuff that went way over the heads of us little white-boys who were buying their records. Take ‘Sixty Minute Man’ by Billy Ward and the Dominoes. I thought it was a song about some guy that had an hour to kill.

So now ya know about Poontang, and if ya mix that with Politics or Religion, you really get a toxic combination. The Reformation was all about poontang. Martin, the abstinent monk who wanted to get married, Luther, wanted a little so he started a whole new church. I even saw the church door where he nailed his 95 Theses when in Germany last Fall; I didn’t get to see where he nailed his new wife. Over in England, Henry VIII, got tired of the ‘same old thing”, and started the Church of England, so he could get a divorce and refresh his poontang. France and Italy were largely immune from the Reformation and stayed Catholic because they’d been ignoring all papal poontang decrees for years; figuring “ If you no playa the game, you no make-a the rules.”

Wars have been started, and empires waxed and waned because of political poontang. Taking the expression ‘getting a little’ to global extremes. Look at Napoleon. Small man, small dong, ravages Europe. Poor Bill Clinton sure got bit in the ass mixing politics with Monica Lewinsky-laden poontang.

My favorite form of political poontang, that I’m enjoy right now, is Sarah Palin, and how she got her tits caught in the wringer over this whole Blood Libel thing. I wasn’t familiar with the term, probably because offending Jewish people is not high on my list of priorities. But how can old Sarah be held responsible for saying something, when she had no clue as to its meaning. She didn’t know what she was talking about? Nice tits, evil wringer! Don’t get me wrong, I love Sarah. She’s an endless source of inspiration for my blog, and we both have something in common…….we both crank out bullshit all day. You go girl.

I enjoyed drawing Sarah so much that I did her twice, drawing that is. Below is a pencil drawing of her getting caught in the old wringer. How sweet it is.

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