Buried in my archives is a piece I did last year when that season of Dancing With The Stars was red hot with controversy. You had a no-talent Palin daughter making it to the finals, based not on ability, but on Mama Sarah’s Twitter appeal. Well this season is not so contentious, and is even a little lackluster, featuring football players,
pro wrestlers, rappers, Disney stars and The Karate Kid in the competition.
It got me to thinking, again, and focusing on what’s red hot, drew me back to my original thesis: This show would be soooo much more interesting, if, instead of featuring ballroom dancing it featured…you know…fornicating. Hence, Fornicating With The Stars. Come on now, you’ve probably had the same thought yourself….Pervert!
If ya watch the show, which is probably a BBC spin-off, you can’t help but notice how all these dance partners are hanging all over each other, and lavishing each other with affection, and even kisses. And their dance numbers, they’re pretty suggestive as far as I can tell.
My favorite is sixty year old Kristi Alley. She used to be a real fox. Sadly, now she’s more of an Ox. But she has a lusty appeal, and even makes that Russian bear Maks Smirnoff blush at times. Maybe it’s just me, but my mind sometimes wanders during their performances.
So, in the spirit of letting ones imagination run wild, why not have a show that featured not ballroom dancing, but the big nasty. The Stars could be paired with all the top porn stars, and judged based on such things as stamina, how well the scream, and the number of times they say, “I want it”; all while moving through the usual positions one might view in a porn movie. Could be interesting don’t ya think. May have to be edited for T V.
So, in order that you too can participate in this rich fantasy, I’ve placed a chart below, which could illustrate some of the “footwork” involved… I’ll let you fill in the blanks.
Lastly, I’d like to conduct a little poll. Not as in pole dancing, which could be incorporated into some of the routines, but more of a questionnaire. Sorry if my Word Press skills are lacking a bit, but you can always leave a comment.
Is my stuff too raunchy?
Just raunchy enough, don’t change a thing?
You’re a disgusting pig, but I just subscribed.
Or, Not at all; why are you holding back?