There’s a virtual Love Fest going on in the Blog-o-sphere, and it consists of passing along awards to bloggers one feels are deserving of recognition. “The Versatile Blogger” is one I see on a regular basis; there’s others too but I can’t remember (and am too lazy to Google it).
Like so many Awards, not to mention endless Awards shows on TV, The more an award is given, the more meaningless it becomes. Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for recognition of great blogs, and search for new ones all the time. Plus, this Awards thing, is a great way to increase traffic not only to your site, but to share the wealth. [ Don’t want to mention that phrase on ultra conservative blogs, they’ll throw a tea bag at ya]. Everyone benefits, and it creates a sense of community.
There’s even rules (in Blogostan??) that come with these awards: You gotta thank the person who gave it to you (called common courtesy); mention seven things about yourself; pass the award along to fifteen bloggers you’ve discovered; and notify them. Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me. Or one of those chain-letter e-mails which you’ve just got to send along or the magic won’t work. And if the magic fails to work, it’s all because of you for not sending this along (to piss off others), so there!
My little eight year old grandson gets awards weekly in second grade. Not because he’s so damn smart (which he is), but because everyone gets awards. Don’t want anybody left out, let alone hurt feelings, or worse yet, a shattered self-esteem. It’s when he brings home the “Most Improved Attitude” or “I Didn’t Call Teacher a Bitch Today” award that I start wondering. But no, that would never do in this age of entitlement where everyone is special. Because everyone is special in their own way. [I’m warm with fuzzies, or is it, warm and feeling fuzzy?]
So, in the spirit of “nothing is sacred”, I thought I’d start my own award. And the best part is: 1) there are no rules, and 2) you don’t even have to be deserving of it. In fact, you don’t even have do a damn thing, let alone pass it on to others. Nope, it’s all yours. That’s because You Are Special. That’s right, I frankly can’t think of anyone more special than You…except for Me.
Here’s all ya have to do. Just print out any of the drawings of awards on this post. Cut them nicely (being sure not to sever your fingers; there’s no I’m The Best Amputee Award), and pin it to your chest with a safety pin (not included). You can even Photoshop em to make them bigger to suit your ego size. Then you can sit back and bask in the glory of your blogging success. I even made them in color, so they’re Extra Special.
You’re worthy. And no doubt a good blogger.. Go on… do it. I’m wearing mine, and I have so many on, that I look like a German Field Marshal; it’s the only ones I’ll ever get, especially after this post. BTW (not to be confused with BMW [bowel movement whooper (still sounds like a really fast German car)], the wife just gave me an award: the “Filthy Old Pervert Who’s Embarrassing Her In Front of The Whole World” award. It was a verbal award, hard to pass along, yet filled with passion. I’ll keep her FOPWEHIFTWW award in a place of honor.
Lastly, I’ve included a special Potty Mouth award, to be given to the blogger who drops the most F-bombs in a single F***ing post. Something to shoot for.