Boy is today ever a special day. Not only is it Crayola Friday, and actually being posted on a Friday, but it’s Black Friday too! How much more of a cosmic alignment can ya get than that? So after spending the night freezing my ass off in a tent outside the local Best Buy store, and cursed with pumpkin pie flatulence, I thought I’d check-in with my latest hallucinations.
First off, camping outside of Best Buy sure beats Occupying something, cause instead of getting pepper spray for breakfast, you get to run inside the store before dawn and start buying shit. And with a hearty case of Thanksgiving flatulence under your belt (but rapidly seeping out), you can rest assured that there won’t be that much competition as to who gets that 55 inch flat-screen TV first. [That’s gonna be so awesome having that puppy smack dab in the middle of our double-wide.]
This week I picked my eight year old grandson from school. And on the way home, he asked me what Black Friday was. Wow, how do ya explain that to a 3rd grader? Keeping in mind that this kid is fairly bright and reads at an 11th grade level. [Hmm…wonder if he’s ready for some Hansi instead of Grandpa?] So I wanted to give him a full explanation instead of some off-hand sarcastic reply like, “It’s the day when people start buying a lot of goddamned crap to give to a bunch of ingrates for X-mas.”
But first, I wanted to tell him what it was not! It wasn’t an unlucky day when a lot of bad stuff could happen to you. Nor was it the End of the World or something like that. I can remember being scared shit-less as a kid, when some adult said some off-hand remark that I believed was true. And anyway, the End of the World isn’t supposed to happen until 2012; and hopefully after Christmas. Wouldn’t want the END to ruin the everyone’s holidays. Maybe if we offered the Mayan Sun gods a few virgins, we could delay the End. In America, our Son god prefers tithes and cash offerings.
Back to my grandson. So I explained to him what accounting was; and how if you had a business, what a profit or loss was, and how the two were entered on a ledger sheet. Black for a profit (after you pay your lobbyists), or red for a loss, like when your Republican Congressman failed to pass legislation to only tax the poor.
He was getting it. And as we passed buy a shopping mall, I told him that Black Friday was the day all those stores started to make a profit. Because tons of people were there starting to buy a lot of useless crap to give to a bunch of ungrateful In-laws for X-mas, when you see em once a year.
He seemed to get the picture.
And speaking of pictures, once again I enlisted the help of my 3 year old grandson to do some background work on these gems.