This is going to be my Opus, my masterpiece of blogging, it’s my comprehensive treatise on Marriage. Now, a word of warning to all my male readers. Don’t let the wife catch you reading this shit! Read it in private, or do so with a blanket over your head and computer screen [kinda like ya do when visiting a questionable website that asks if you are over 18 before entering, and ya don’t want the wife to find out]. This isn’t gonna be XXX rated, so you can keep you hand on the computer mouse, instead of the bald one that resides in your trousers.
Also, before you start to call me an old pervert, keep in mind that I’ve been married for over 40 years. I know something about the subject, and have been married far longer than I’ve been an old pervert.
Point #1: Marriage as we know it today, is not Biblical, and a far cry from the institution portrayed in the Holy Scriptures. Betty Bowers, “America’s Best Christian”, says it far more eloquently than I, so watch the video. Go on…do it. Just click on the little triangle…it won’t hurt. You’ll love it!
Well Betty pretty much nailed it with that one. So why is the church involved? It’s just like government. They want to regulate marriage so they can cash in, not to mention keep their followers in line. You’re far more likely to keep those tithes and offerings rollin’ in, if you fear eternal punishment for bailing out of your marriage. Personally, when it comes to offerings to the Lord, I prefer to give directly to God, rather than through a mere representative. Here’s what I do: I take a wad of dollar bills, throw them up in the air, and utter a brief prayer “ Lord, takest what Thy want.” Everything that falls back to earth is mine, the rest is the Lords.
Point #2: Marriage never happens at a convenient time. I got married at age 22, but I could have used it more at age 15, than I need now at age 63.
Point #3: Marriage is a loosing proposition. It’s a given fact that 50% of marriages will fail. With odds like that, it’s little more than a crap-shoot, not something you’d want to get totally invested in.
Point #4; Marriage is expensive. There’s not much in start-up costs, just a license, the cost of which ranges somewhere between what it takes to make your dog Rover legal to a Liquor license. It’s getting out of business that’s expensive. If you can’t get a good lawyer, you could loose half your assets, not to mention your ass itself.
Here’s a few truisms about marriage, one may want to consider before committing yourself to that institution:
Men want three qualities in a wife: Economist in the kitchen; artist in the home; and a devil in bed. What they get is: an artist in the kitchen; a devil at home; and an economist in bed.
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and then when you see what the others have, you wish you had ordered that.
Well it’s a good thing my wife refuses to read my blog. She thinks it’s degrading, and that I am humiliating her in front of the whole world. Wonder what my Alexa score would be if that was true??