mind expanding nonsense

Cane and Able

Well, ol’ Hansi’s ancient ass recently took a swan-dive into full geezer-hood.  I started to use a cane to help me get around.  I fought it for a long time, but finally came to the conclusion that ‘it’s time’.  I have a really bad collapsed ankle from years of running, and am now afflicted with sciatica – a real pain in the ass.  So I’m a little unsteady on my feet, and a cane helps with stability and eases the sciatica; don’t wanna fall down (the curse of getting old, especially if ya can’t get back up again.)

It’s taking me a little bit of time to get fully used to using a cane.  First thing I discovered is: where do ya put the thing when you’re not walking around?  I can see now that those canes that stand up by themselves (with the four little prongs) are not just for the seriously disabled, but could come in real handy especially when you’re on your feet and using both hands.  This got me to thinking.  I need a cane that has a multitude of functions, kinda like a Swiss Army Knife, but in my case a Swiss Army Cane.

My cane would not only stand up by itself, but also have a grabbing device with trigger at the handle, so you could pick up things without having to get out of the recliner; being magnetized is a must for them small metal objects.  A light would be nice, and also a remote so when you forgot where ya left it, you could just push a button and a beeper in your cane would go off and you could hobble back to the bathroom where ya left it hanging on the towel rack.  GPS would be nice, but I doubt I’d go far enough from home to need one. It should glow in the dark; it’s hard to find things in the middle of the night, and a cup holder is a must.

Right now, I think my invention is weighing in at close to thirty pounds.  Might have to go back to the drawing board and make some revisions.  Did I leave anything out?


Comments on: "Cane and Able" (9)

  1. Find yourself a pair of Alpine walking poles. Aside from being adjustable and cool looking, the wrist loops help a lot with the shorter “where do I put the cane” moments. I have days of disabling pain from a torn-muscle injury, and these things are lifesavers.

    Second, go buy a copy of The Trigger Point Therapy Workbook (I think it’s about fifteen bucks on Amazon at the moment) by Clair Davies, and invest in a few tennis balls if you don’t want to hunt for massage balls (my favorite is the Pain Eraser, had to find though). Then go to work on that sciatica. I don’t know your history, of course, but almost all sciatica problems are muscle entrapment and can be knocked down if not out with good application of ischemic pressure to the right spot. It could be anywhere from the lower spinal muscles on the affected side to the side of the hip to the center of the butt, and you probably have some dings in the thighs as well. Get to know your rug, flopping around on the floor is the best way to use these things.

    The same methods may help your ankle, which quite likely provoked some of the muscle imbalances that set off the sciatica. I see this all the time in my practice. Check out the text. Seriously, I hate to know that people are dealing with these problems when there is some relief available for next to nothing — give it a try and tell me how things work if you do.

    • Thanks for your input. I’m doing a lot of what you recommended already, especially the floor stretching. I agree that a lot of the sciatic problems have to do with my ankle and how my compensation torques everything above. I’ll give the walking poles a try. Thankfully I’m still able to hobble around the gym daily: using Precor machines I can sit on, along with 30 minutes on a recumbent bicycle machine. getting old is really painful 🙂

      • The trigger points are the critical part. If you do stretches, kill them as much as you can beforehand, you get the best effect that way.

  2. I think a cattle prod or taser installed in the base would be a nice addition.

  3. Hang in there! … Consider watching more news about President Trump to help cope with the pain. Did you see the picture of Trump and Jong Un trading hair?

  4. Oh yes, those Nordic walking poles are so on trend at the moment. I can just see you striding out, the height of fashion.

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