mind expanding nonsense

Advice for Seniors

“Hello Seniors!”  Ever get a phone call that starts with “hello seniors”?  An annoying recorded message no doubt aimed at sellin’ ya something you really don’t need.  I usually hang-up, but sometimes first unload with some potty-mouthed classics telling them where they can go, where they can stick it and what they can do to themselves.  I know…that’s not very nice, but hey…it’s only a recording and nobody is really listening on the other end, and, it’s a good way to vent.

What really fries me is older ‘senior’ celebrities trying to sell reverse mortgages as a solution to all our financial problems.  It’s hard to argue with the likes of Tom Selleck and Henry Winkler, after all, that ‘s The Fonz and Magnum P.I. and surely they’d never lie to us.

Getting older is no piece of cake, but certainly beats the alternative, and  Dealing with change is especially hard.  I hate it when I go to my favorite grocery store -Trader Joes – And find that everything has been moved around to a more ‘convenient’ location.  When I go to a store, I wanna go right to where my item is located, pick it up and leave a quickly as possible.  Shopping is never fun.

What really bugs me is when something you’ve always taken for granted and centered your life upon is changed.  It used to be that garment tags were always placed on the back of underwear inside the waistband.  The last pack The Wife bought me ( I don’t buy anything I can’t consume or listen to) had the tags in front, and on the outside of the waistband.  You can see all the problems that would cause an old guy mindlessly going through life on cruise control.  You could end up wearing your drawers inside-out (not so awful if you’re trying to squeeze out a little extra mileage between washings by flipping ’em).  The worst thing is discovering, usually in a public restroom, that you’ve but on your hangers backwards and can’t find that handy little pocket.  The transient in the next stall probably wondering what the heck is going on in there.

Well, ya can’t trust nothin’ these days. Not the Fonz, not Magnum P.I.  From now on, when it comes to me and my beliefs briefs, it’s yellow in front and brown in the rear.


Comments on: "Advice for Seniors" (5)

  1. The one that steams me is the robocall telling me that EVERY YEAR X number of people 65 and over FALL and for some THAT FALL COULD BE THEIR LAST so I should press 1 now to reserve my Medical Alert necklace. I’m looking down the barrels of 65, but I still do International Squats with a wheel-loaded Smith rack, which is the best way to avoid being unable to get up when you fall. Feh. As Ogden Nash said

    One day when the senior citizens are sitting around projecting the image of a well adjusted social group,
    The old men will rise up and knock them for a loop.

    • I thought ya might workout. Best thing anyone, especially “seniors” (hate that phrase) can do to improve bone strength and just overall well-being. I go to a gym daily, doing weight training about 6 days a week and 30 minutes of cardio daily.

      • Babe, I been slinging heavy iron for 35 years. That loaded sled on the top bar of my blog represents my PR on that lift. (I tried competition once but I got turned off on not eating and having to paint myself brown.) And if I weren’t wrestling with an obscenely complex muscle spasm secondary to dislocating my hip a few years back, I’d still be clocking hills instead of running a disgusting recumbent bike.

        It’s not just what it does for your body. The best T shirt I’ve ever seen read “I LIFT BECAUSE PUNCHING PEOPLE IN THE FACE IS FROWNED UPON.” It’s the only thing that stands between me and a charge of public brawling.

  2. So true about the underwear! The label is on the front so when you pose for the Sexy Seniors Calendar, the company gets some free advertising.

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