There’s this channel on Direct TV called Dog TV. I stared watching it lately. Not because I’m a dog (it’s intended audience), or even because I like dogs, (which I don’t), but because it’s so different from anything on TV. Now I’d watch Dawg TV if there was such a channel, but this channel is literally something for dogs to watch, probably when they are left home alone. The programs consist of relaxing scenery, long still shots with few interruptions of dogs relaxing, looking around, or other animals just standing there. Lots of water shots accompanied by soft music and no voice tracks. They call this “Relaxation”. During “Stimulation” (be it morning or afternoon), more active shots are shown of dogs playing with other dogs or just walking around in nature,or in a park.
It’s funny how they never show dogs sniffing each others butts, peeing on something or taking a dump on my front lawn. Maybe that’s censored. Or…part of an elaborate behavior modification to train dogs without the use of a rolled-up newspaper. Teaching them lessons like: don’t tear up the furniture; never shit in the house; don’t smell other dogs butts; and Never hump a human’s leg.
I usually watch Dog TV with the sound off, with one of my records blasting away on the stereo. They sure show dogs some interesting stuff: cascading colors, varying light patterns; it’s kinda like having a light-show going on while you’re listening to the Stones. Sometimes I wonder what are dogs thinking when they watch this stuff? “Boring!” or “I’m getting the munchies – where’s that bag of kibbles?”. All I know is, dogs are either total idiots, or secretly use psychedelic drugs. How else could they watch this stuff for endless hours without chewing up a few pair of slippers.
What I haven’t watched yet is their late, late night show “Bad Dog”. This one features dogs unsupervised and in heat. One can only imaging what goes on there. I’d stay up and watch it, but usually I’ve long since fallen asleep. That’s about all the “stimulation” this old dawg can stand.