mind expanding nonsense

Phucking With Phone Scams

machine 2

I’ve come out of blogging retirement lately, not because I’ve become bored with the use of medical marijuana for all my ills and suffering, but because something really pissed me off, and what better way to vent than by blogging about it.  One of the worst things that can happen to ya when you’re enjoying the therapeutic benefits of herbal medications, is to get a phone call from someone trying to sell ya something.  And even more worse (not to be confused with even more wurst, which often times happens when the ‘munchies’ kick in), is getting a phone call from someone trying to rip you off right in the middle of  ‘In A Gadda Da Vida’.

A while ago, I got a phone call from someone with a thick Indian accent, stating that they were a “windows technician”, and that there were some virus files on my computer which needed immediate fixing, and that they would walk me through a repair if I’d immediately get on my computer and follow their directions.  Oh shit!  Even though I wasn’t blogging any more, I still had a ton of music mp3’s saved, and would hate it if I lost all that good music from the 60’s.  But then I started thinking: Since when does Corporate America ever call ya to replace the shoddy crap they’re sold unless they’re threatened by a class-action lawsuit?  I decided to pass.

Well, I did a little research and found that the latest phone scam was persons posing as ‘Windows technicians’ trying to gain access to your computer via this fix scam, and thereby access all your valuable information like passwords, bank accounts and XXX rated emails from horny housewives and Asian hotties. Phew…glad I dodged that bullet.

nov 15 003Sure as shit, a few days latter, I get another call from a “Windows technician” with same spiel.  Thick Indian accent, I could almost smell the curry wafting over my phone line.  Reminded me of a few cheap motels I’ve stayed in.  Playing along, I let them go on a bit, then layed into them.  Asking how things were in India (pronounced In-ja), was it monsoon season, and accusing them of being criminals, questioning whether this shit was legal over there.  Really ripped them a new one.  But, they got in the last word.  The guy on the other end called me a ‘mother-fucker’ and hung up.

Okay, I was pissed.  Maybe he was technically correct in calling me that for I do have children, and, have had sex on a few occasions with their mother (you could count the number with your fingers and the toes of your right foot (not to worry if you’re an amputee – you’d be in the ball park), but being called a mother-fucker is fightin’ words.   I swore revenge.

[From here on out I will not use the F-word, as my intention is not to offend you my dear reader, but the mother-phucker who call me a mother-fucker].

I was ready.  And sure as shit, so were they.  I got yet a third call, a woman this time, and was very polite.  But before we could go any further with my computer repairs, I told her that one of their ‘technicians’ called me a mother-phucker.  And before we could proceed any further, I needed an apology from the mother-phucker who called me a mother-phucker.  “Is it a practice of the Microsoft Corporation to call their customers mother-phuckers?”  “Is the company run by foul mouthed mother-phuckers?” I asked.  I went on to tell her that ‘mother-phucker’ was a very offensive word, and while that shit might fly in India, it sure don’t over here in the good ol U S A.  “In America”, I said, “Jesus is our god, not some goddamned elephant, and He don’t take no liking to folks calling other folks mother-phuckers unless we’re going to war with them then its open season on their phucking asses”.

I guess you get the picture.  I wouldn’t let her get in a word edge-wise without me using the M F-word.  It was better than the South Park movie.  Revenge was sweet.  Guess I showed them mother-phuckers.

 

 

 

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Comments on: "Phucking With Phone Scams" (13)

  1. So you don’t think elephants have divine qualities, eh? 🙂

  2. husband got a call last night from “wells fargo” claiming our account had been frozen…except we don’t have one…Yeah, I get tired of that shit…I have come up with inventive remarks though…”hey Stevie, Santa’s on the line, here!” or “what are you wearing?” seems to work.

  3. Was that the 17 minute version of In A Gadda Da Vida? Definitely not to be interrupted!

  4. Three times! I’ll give them points for perseverance. There’s a common scam here where the phone rings and the person on the other end says [crying]: “Mum… mum…. blah, blah, blah, I’ve been kidnapped.” No shit. The scam is they get you to hand over money for your kids return. Of course, it’s a hit and miss affair, and you have to be pretty stupid to go the whole way and get money out, but it works from time to time, which is why it still happens. We got the call a few years ago, and it was hillarious. I was giggling too much to keep going so I handed the phone to the wife, who played along for some time until she dropped the bomb, “Hey, you little shit, I don’t have any kids.” What happened next deserves an Oscar. In a split second the little fucker on the other end changed his tune completely and simply said, “Well in that case, why don’t you come around and we can make some…”

  5. Lovely to have you back 😊

  6. At least you did not say “Jesus H Keeerist”.

  7. I too have been receiving those same calls. Pissed me off enough to just unplug the phone. I have to say it’s awfully nice not to have it ringing every 45 min with another scammer! If anyone of truth calls, they know how to leave a message on our voice mail and I’ll get back to them.
    Hope they eventually stop calling you!
    Gale

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