mind expanding nonsense

April 16 002

Every night around 8:00, The Wife and I enjoy an apple as a healthy after dinner desert-like treat.  But tonight, before I hit the apples, I had a tangerine off of my backyard tree.  So I still got the taste of both in my mouth.  And you know what?  Besides having a lot of things in common: both come from trees, are sweet and refreshing and warm colored fruits (green apples notwithstanding, and maybe that’s why they call apples apples instead of Reds like they do for Oranges), there is a difference.

Not a vast difference.  Apples aren’t citrus, and you don’t have to peal them like ya do oranges unless ya wanna remove all the pesticides they spray on them to keep em looking good and desirable instead of worm invested and rotten-looking.  That’s a biggie, cause peeling an orange is a lotta work, removing all them stringie things while being careful ya don’t get squirted in the eye.  Plus, with oranges, you’re always spitting out seeds.  With apples that’s not so, unless you gobble down the whole thing like a horse might do, because you’re too lazy to cut them out with a knife [Got to be careful you don’t cut your fingers off when ya do that, or worse yet, poke an eye out.  Or, if you like to eat apples in the nude like Adam and Eve did, you could easily cut off an appendage – all the Viagra in the world will not restore a severed wee-wee back to life].  Both however have seeds that are useless to grow.

Apples have thin skins, Oranges have thick skins and therefore not subject to as much abuse as apples.  Eating an apple can clean your teeth; eating an orange just makes ya slobber all over the place.  Eating an apple too fast can make ya fart; eating and orange won’t make ya fart. The Wife things everything makes me fart.  [The funny thing about farts, besides always being funny, is the noise that comes outta your butt when ya let one.  Instead of speaking with your voice, it’s like your speaking with your ass, and while limited in vocabulary, there’s a wide variety of intonations, be it the ‘rat a tat tat’ of a walking fart, to a sonic boom Wind Breaker while laying on your favorite sofa.  There’s even a cable “News” channel that specializes in blowing things out their ass].

Now, lemons and limes, that’s another thing altogether.  Just ask Eric Cantor.

blithering 5


Comments on: "Comparing Apples And Oranges" (8)

  1. Hansi…hilarious, as always.

  2. Ah a good fruit and fart post….makes for a good day….

  3. If the apple isn’t a Honeycrisp I don’t eat it. Which rather limits how much of the year I eat apples. I’m done with both oranges and tangerines. Not much for seeds. Give me those atrociously expensive clementines instead. Sweet as sugar and not a seed in sight.

  4. Farts hahahahaha

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