mind expanding nonsense

God’s Gift to Mankind

gift 004

I wasn’t gonna post this one cause a lot of folks might think it sacrilegious.  But then I thought, ‘Hey..sacrilegious is kinda like religious; it has the same word in it.”  So here it goes.  And oh yea, I do believe in the Bible, especially the creation story in Genesis, but know that it’s more a metaphor, and that a lot of scientific stuff has been left out.  Like how everything that was created in the first week, after resting up on the Seventh Day, began to obey God in earnest and started copulating their socks off, “Being fruitful and multiplying”.  Everything that could get an erection, lay an egg, or simply split in two was screwing their brains out that Monday, except for poor old Adam.  But God, in His ultimate wisdom, made something special, just for Adam, and I’ll tell ya about that a little latter.

As I said, I believe in a six day creation, and especially in intelligent design.  When God created the cannabis plant six thousand years ago, no only did He make a plant with remarkable characteristics, but He also put special receptors in the brains of the humans He created in His own image.   So not only does God like to get high, He knew Mankind would too, and designed things to help mankind cope.  That’s also why He created alcohol.  Designing certain grains and fruits to not just rot, but ferment.  If God wanted mankind to avoid alcohol, He would have made it taste bitter, burn your throat, and give ya  headaches or make ya barf.

You know there had to be a giant cannabis plant somewhere in the Garden of Eden.  Adam probably had a few hits before naming all the animals.  And you know what else was cool?  God was able to create things mature and fully grown, like all the animals who were busy “multiplying” each other.  All He had to do was say, “Let there be Reefer”, and that was it. You and I, if we were so inclined to grow a few plants (for medical consumption only) would have to order seeds from Holland, and pay for em in Euros (rip-off), or go to the local dispensary and buy some clones, and then wait for six months for our little Trees of Life to ripen.  But lucky Adam had weed from day one…well probably day six.

Hansi 001But he didn’t have a woman.  So God created Eve out of Adams rib.  Life was sweet until Eve got really baked one day; got the munchies; and was so spaced out that she thought she saw a snake standing next to the Tree of Good and Evil, and had a bite.  It sure blew her mind, as well as Adam’s too, cause they both thought, “Wow….we’re naked.  Where did we leave our clothes?”

Well, you know the rest of the story and how it was all down hill from there.

Sure glad Noah took a male and female pot plant with him on the Ark.


Comments on: "God’s Gift to Mankind" (21)

  1. The giant plant could explain the hunger for an apple…..ya think?

  2. Despite what the George Burns God character said in the movie, “Oh God”, someone had to be high when they made the avocado seed as big as they did.

  3. Oh gosh, I think I love this new commentary on the bible. Do tell us all about Job now.

    • God wants everybody to have a job. Because idolness is the Devil’s (His competition) workshop or seminar. As far as that guy Job goes, that’s a strange one, and a weird way to explain away suffering.

  4. Loved the story! And ya know what? I bet God did too. Come June here in Washington State giggle grass will be legal to use. I haven’t used it since my government-paid vacation to Viet Nam. Who knows?

    • You ought to give it another try. A little weed once in a while is the greatest thing for senior citizens since adult diapers.

  5. Sunday School teacher, Hans… Your extra-Geeza career: Sunday School teacher 🙂

  6. This is the only time I’ve ever seen a connection between ID and Cannabis. But wait …. how many creation stories do you have? After all, I recall at least one different from this one.

  7. I think you’re all set if you’d like to teach a Sunday School class! You’d certainly hold the kids’ attention! You, sacrilegious? Aw, no! 🙂

  8. That’s a take that I’ve never heard before. OMG, Eve’s a beauty;)

  9. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again–the angels are weeping for you!

  10. I never know when you’re being serious. Probably like me – never. 😉

  11. Thanks so much for your visits to my blog. Appreciate your interest.

    I like your writing, too.

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