mind expanding nonsense

Do Not Call

newz 001I hate telephone solicitors, or Tele-marketers, as they’re called. Even went so far as to post my name and number on the National Do Not Call registry.  A lot of good that did.  Even after the six months it took for the registry to kick-in, I’m still getting calls.  Not from the big corporations like AT&T or B of A, but local outfits.  Maybe I need to be on the Local Do Not Call registry.

Anyway, I’m striking back!  Now when I get one of them calls (which is usually at an inopportune time, which is always cause I hate talking on the phone; that’s all I seemed to do when I was working), I have a little fun.

When the phone rings and I answer, “Hello”.  A voice comes on after about fours seconds, and if they are not busy still chewing food, or appear to have been interrupted during some phone-bank banter (usually about how someone fooled another sucker).  They ask, “Is Mr. Hansi there?”  This pisses me off greatly, cause they tend to mispronounce my name.  It’s Hans, as in schwance.  Not “Hands” or “Huntz” [dumb fuckers], or “Hanes” like in the underwear. I ask  who’s calling, which sends them into their spiel.  About half way through I say. “Hansi’s not here man, he’s in the Joint (prison)”.  Oops.  Not quite they demographic they were looking for.

8-15-13 004Another time, some police organization working with ‘at risk’ kids called and wanted to sell me tickets to the sheriffs rodeo as a fund raiser so these kids could attend.  I thought that could be a trip, watching cops in squad-cars lassoing and hog-tying crooks.   But no, I replied, in a manner drawn from years of probationers lying their asses off in front of me, “I don’t talk to the cops man.”   Whereupon he replied, “I’m not a policeman, just a volunteer”. Whereupon I re-assured him that, “I don’t talk to the cops man!”  The more he tried to tell me he was not the Police, the more I told him I didn’t talk to the cops.  “I ain’t no snitch, I don’t want no rat-jacket on my ass next time I had to go Inside.”

That was a good one.  Never got a call from them again.  Wonder who’s gonna call me next?  Wonder who’s gonna answer?


Comments on: "Do Not Call" (14)

  1. You’re a laugh and I need you to answer my phone for me. Want a little retirement bonus?

  2. I’ve given up on answering the phone. I know it’s them ’cause nobody calls me on my home line but them, mostly. It’s gotta be a hard job though. To be persistent and able to take rejection all day seems really exhausting. And depressing.

  3. Glad you’re having a little fun. Sometimes that’s the only way to survive annoying stuff you can’t change.

  4. well done! that’s the way to have fun!

  5. Hans as in ‘schwance”‘ LOL

  6. you get the Nobel prize…

  7. Brilliant! I’ll give these a try lol

  8. I am a good citizen. I have not missed voting in an election since 1972. There is a punishment for this. Robo calls all day and night long during the election times. I tell them I am voting for Roosevelt again even though he’s a democrat the fact that he is a New Yorker takes precedence.

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