mind expanding nonsense

Phone 002

It’s War!  And I’m doing battle with a daily barrage of phone solicitations from telemarketers tryin’ to sell me a bunch of crap I do not want, nor have any interest in whatsoever.  Plus, it’s not just me, all my friends who have land-lines, aren’t answering their phones anymore, and are letting them go over to their answering machines [an interesting concept, a machine that could give you answers, but are in reality, just a device to record bullshit], as a means of screening all the solicitations they’re also getting.

I registered with the Do Not Call registry, but that could take up to thirty days to kick in.  I told one telemarketer to take me off their list, and she had the nerve to argue with me and try to persuade me that I was acting rashly.  The nerve!  It’s turning into survival mode here at the Hansi household.

I’m fightin’ back though.  Just the other day, I got a call for some guy asking, “Is Hansi there?”  Actually, he didn’t ask for “Hansi”, he used my real first name and badly pronounced my last name.  If he did ask for Hansi, I would have known it was one of you guys, and not some stranger that I’ve never met before.

Anyway, he asked for Hansi, and I asked back, “Who is this?”  He said is name was Larry something or another, and went on to say that he was with a construction company I never heard of, and so and so on, when I said, “Hi Larry”.

He greeted me back, and went on with his spiel about remodeling and so on, when I once again said (sounding like a complete simpleton), “Hi Larry”.  Well that threw him off a bit, but being the pro he was, and probably having said the same thing at least a hundred times already that day, continued on without breaking stride.

After about fifteen more seconds, when he asked me a question, I once again (sounding like I just fell off the turnip truck) said, “Hi Larry”.  I could now tell that he was getting a little frustrated, but deter him, it did not!  It was after the fourth time, when I said in a manor indicating that I was just born yesterday,  “Hi Larry”, that he said, “I’m getting tired of talking to a moron, I’m hanging up.”  Whereupon I replied: “So am I…Bye Larry”.

Well there’s nothing like put short-term memory loss to good use, while having a little fun at someone else’s expensive.  I think next time I get one of them telemarketing calls, I’m gonna try some heavy breathing into the phone, and maybe some moaning and groaning, and who knows?  Even a climatic scream of ecstasy if I’m in the mood.

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Comments on: "Phucking With Phone Solicitors" (17)

  1. One telemarketer ploy that seemed very prominent for awhile was to call and ask for some random person you’d never heard of, and when you told them they had the wrong number they would say “Oh, well maybe this is something you’d be interested in,” and then launch into some sales pitch. It didn’t take me long to figure it out, so after awhile, when they would call and ask for (random person I’d never heard of) I’d say, hold on I’ll go get him, and set the phone back down (off the hook) and go back to watching television or whatever it was I was doing. It was fun to see how long they would wait before disconnecting. It was fun for awhile, but eventually I put my landline on the No Call list. (Sometimes i kind of miss messing with them though.)

    • That one’s a classic. I thought about doing that, but I don’t have the patience.

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  2. Hilarious Hansi, it should be illegal to phone people up like that, thank you for striking back, and best of luck in your private war on telemarketing, Russell.

  3. Tell them to give you their home phone number so you can call them back later while their eating or watching the climax of a a CSI episode

  4. Excellent – give them the heavy breathing. I’ll have to try it too 🙂

    • Do you mean to say that you’re suffering from the same telemarketing woes in the UK?

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  5. I like the “Hi Larry” ploy. Or start answering the phone “911, what’s your emergency?”

  6. I’m too nice of guy myself to pull a classic line of something like “sure, I’ll listen to you about home remodeling, but first, let me tell you about the wonderful news of Jesus”, or “don’t tell me about remodeling, tell me what you’re wearing!”. No, I could have fun with them, but I just ask them to remove the number from their list. Great drawing, BTW, love the lingerie, or however it’s spelled!

    • Thanks…turning around as to whether they’ve been saved or not could be fun, if not outright blasphemous.

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  7. Caller ID is a wonderful thing because we simply don’t answer what we don’t know. While HD Man has a handful, should the dame have a leg around him?

  8. See, you have turned the problem into a hilarious story. good for you!

  9. Ha, Ha! Love your response. They are indeed highly annoying…

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