mind expanding nonsense

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Okay…When I was grinding out probation reports for a living, I had to use concise, yet descriptive language, cause I was preparing a legal document which a judge would read, and lawyers argue over, before some poor turd was sentenced for committing a crime.

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I had to summarize the circumstance of his or her offense.  Including their statement (usually “I didn’t do it , but was offered such a good deal, I just had to plead guilty”), background information, sentencing alternatives and a recommendation for or against probation.  Heavy duty shit!  Oh yeah, and unlike this blog, I couldn’t use no curse words or slang unless I was directly quoting what a defendant said.  So if he called one of his co-defendants a “mother fucker”, I got to put that in my report.  I had to be careful that I didn’t call the defendant a mother fucker, or refer to the  Judge as one, and definitely could not have my recommendation read: send this mother fucker to the Joint (although that’s what everybody in court was thinking).  Cool way of incorporating a lot of “nasty-ass bullshit” into a legal document.

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So, in everything I wrote, I had to include who, what, when where, and why.  The Why part always got me.  As if it explained it all, and a good enough reason justified their behavior.  “Why did you rob that liquor store?”…”cause I was all strung-out on heroin and needed a fix”.  Who, hasn’t been strung-out on something which needs to be fixed.  That’s understandable.  Why do men beat their wives?… “cause I lost my temper and got pissed off”.  I can relate to that one, that’s why I never watch Fox News programs.

Well enough of the crime fighting flash-back.  I did this series based on the five Wh’s.  It’s hard to break old habits.

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Wow…new flash-back, wouldn’t it be cool to write whole mini-stories, only using these five words?  Such as :

What? Where?….Who? When…..Why?

When?  Where, Who?  What!….Why?

Who?    When? Where?…..What!

Oh well, I sure used up a lot of material on this post.  Why?  you may ask.  Why not.  Also, here is where I do what I do best…when I want to.

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Comments on: "Who What When Where Why" (11)

  1. Good question Hansi – and great drawings…

  2. My students always asked “how much do I write” or “how long must it be?” re essays on history subjects. My answer was always “write the least it takes to answer who, what, when, where, why and how and then you are finished.” But the reply still remained “Yeah, but how much do we write?”

  3. Snoring Dog Studio said:

    Well done. I got a journalism lesson and some fantastic drawings to start my day with!

    • Fantastic drawings, definitely. Journalism lesson, hardly. thanks anyway.


  4. I especially like the “why”. Would make a great hat:)

  5. See in my line of work, people like you were either friend or foe. Friend if you went for probabation, foe if you recommended jail. I was wont to say, “oh you know, what can you expect from a lazy bureaucrat! They just phone it in!” lol…

    • Yeah I know what ya mean. My reports were either “well written and thorough” depending on what was recommended. Most defendants got what they earned.


  6. I think we need more probation officers like you 🙂

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