mind expanding nonsense

Nursery Crimes

Jan 2012 003

I don’t know about you, but I’m getting sick and tired of all these hand-drawn journal-entry type posts that I’ve been cranking out of late.  I’m afraid folks will start to thinkin’ that I’m just a one dimensional blogger, who lays around the house all day getting loaded and drawing pseudo psychedelic self- absorbed dribble.

Well, I’m much more ‘well rounded’ than that.  See, I also have a dirty mind, and sometimes lay around the house all day dreaming up filthy poetry and limericks.  That was the reason I started my Blithering Idiot blog almost two years ago; as a vehicle for “My way with words” ( also known as the Missionary Position of Poetry).   Be sure to check out my early Archives for a shit-load of good stuff.

So here’s a few “Variations” on some classic Nursery Rhymes.  I call em (what else?)…Nursery Crimes:

Old King Hansblithering 10

Had a very old schwance,

A very old schwance had he.

It gave him such a fright

To get up three times a night,

Just to  stand there, waiting to go pee.


Jack and Phil went up the hill

To stretch each others waggers.

Jack fell down and said with a frown

“Phil can bugger me anytime he swaggers.”


The Queen of Heartsblithering 5

Had the farts,

To everyone’s dismay.

The Knave of Hearts

Also did fart,

And cleared the palace away.

The King of Hearts

Smelled those farts,

And beat the Knave sore.

The Knave of Hearts

Couldn’t take back the farts,

But promised he’d let no more.


Comments on: "Nursery Crimes" (28)

  1. Those are pretty clever Hans.

  2. Obviously, Hansi is the King of Farts.

  3. They say as you age, you return to childhood. Proof positive.

    • I’m working my way down from adolescence to that best of all worlds my latency period.


  4. That second sketch is awesome! BTW, you would love an ol’ British punk band called The Anti-Nowhere League. They had a wonderful way with some naughty lyrics, and crass as they may have been, were crafty with dirty lyrics and characters, which may have come off as being classless, but were still rather crafty and fun.

  5. Having dwelled in a dozen dimensions for decades ago I am perfectly content with being one dimensional now.

  6. You’ve got your head full, cranking out dirty limmericks. I’ve crunk out a few myself.

    Got real stinky toward the end.

  7. Don’t get me started! Don’t forget I am the man from Nantucket!

  8. Fart poems? You’re obviously much younger than I thought! 🙂

  9. Farts…..always hilarious 😀

  10. Poots are the routes to being loose…

  11. Poetry AND toilet humor? A man after my own heart.

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