mind expanding nonsense

I’ve Been Callistafied

I guess it’s no big secret,  but I’ve got a bad case of the Hots for Republican women.  I mean, menopausal and all, Sarah Palin is a fox.  And Michelle Bachmann, while crazy as a loon, still isn’t ugly, and provides me with a rich fantasy life which usually includes  lots of leather and whips.

Well Adios girls, ol’ Hansi been Callista-fied.  I’m smitten with Newt’s #3, Callista Gingich.  In fact, I think I got it so bad that I may have to register as a Callistaphile.  I don’t want this post to sound too much like a good old country 4 H contest where young aspiring future farmers parade their trophy livestock in front of everybody to see who’s got the best one,  but that little lamb of Newt’s…Ewe-eeee, does she look fine, in a high maintenance sort of way, and is certainly finer than any of the other GOP spousal herd.  I know I couldn’t afford what Newt has.  [We’ll talk about what he likes (as if that ain’t obvious) latter.]

I guess it’s the hair.  Yeah it’s got to be the hair…’helmet hair’  I think it’s called.  And she’s been placed into it real well.  I’ve never heard her say a word on TV, but that don’t mean she doesn’t know how to use her mouth.  [keep your minds clean].

Well, Callista Louise Bisek was born in Wisconsin in 1966.  Was class valedictorian at Whitehall Memorial High School and graduated cum laude from Luther College in 1988 (even though she was Roman Catholic).  That’s some smart gal!  From 1988 to 2005, she worked as a staffer in the US House of Representatives on the Agricultural committee.  It was during this time that Newt, while indulging  in a liberal experiment with open marriage, apparently first started putting the staff to Miss Bisek.   [Come on now, you know I couldn’t leave that one untouched].

I guess what I like about her, besides being a 45 year old ‘hottie’, is the power she might have over the old Newtster. Now here’s some bi-partisan truth:  All men are pigs and think with their dicks; and brother Gingrich is a man after my own heart.  But does cheatin’ on #2 with future #3 have any reflection on a man’s character and what he might do as the most powerful man on earth: President of the United States?   Why HELL NO!

Newt just traded up to a newer model, and anyway it’s all the Medias fault, and that includes all you liberal bloggers too.  Newt is sticking with his conservative principals and only buying what he can afford.  Lavish maybe, but no deficit spending when it comes to poontang.

I think maybe I’m getting myself into trouble here.  I’m gonna catch hell for this one.  I think I better put on my foil lined Callista helmet and get back to La La land.


Comments on: "I’ve Been Callistafied" (35)

  1. Oh yes, I see the fascination. If I were a guy, I may have a thing for her too. What might deter my interest, however, is seeing every part of her iris from top to bottom. Not a good look when the lights are off.

  2. Snoring Dog Studio said:

    You’ve been Callistified, I’ve been horrified. Sometimes I wish I were a man so that I could think with something other than my brain. It would be a nice break.

    You are a master of satire. (I hope! I think you have better taste…)

    • Yea I do have better taste and prefer real women to plastic looking china-dolls. But still…..:)


  3. …And here I thought I was going to read about Calista Flockhart. Thanks for the nightmarish photo. Is she an alien? Back in 1981 I purchased 25 acres of pristine property in Trempeleau County, I had to travel to Whitehall to find an attorney to deal with the legal stuff. His office was connected to a motel on the edge of town. I faintly remember walking into the motel office looking for him. There was a note saying, “Check yourself in, I’ll be around sometime soon.” Ah the good old days, when living was easy, creeks were rising and the cotton was high.

    • Flockhart was interesting in an Alli McBeal sort of way. Any fish in them Wisconsin creeks? I remember fishing the Coon Creek in Coon Valley when I was a kid, think we only caught a catfish. But I do hear there’s good trout fishing your way. I trout fish the eastern Sierra from April to October.


  4. It’s the eyes….does the woman ever blink?

  5. Hansi,
    You got me thinking about that hair. There must be something more. My bet is that it is the latest version of the German helmet. But I suppose, only her hairdresser know for sure.

  6. Terrance H. said:

    Ladies, tell me if I’m wrong. But Newt Gingrich is not that good looking. How does he get a girl like her? I’m just gonna leave it alone.

  7. You unmitigated pig. Simple and direct. My god you would use lima beans as an excuse to talk sex. Pervert. And wash your hands.

  8. I wonder if she has any other facial expressions. I hope so, but I don’t think so.

  9. ha! nice sketches! But before you get too fixated with Calista…. ask yourself….. do you know where HER hands have been…. euhhhhh

  10. Now, Hansi, I hope you’ve got your tongue somewhere other than where it usually resides. Or that you’ve been partaking of your special “meds” again …

  11. Typical left-winger. For ANY talk around ANYthing political, personal attack is the only weapon at hand.

  12. It’s helmet hair all right right down to the being able to deflect an arrow part. A nose job is needed too. Gimme Nancy Reagan forever. Cool name though like a character in a Greek play.

  13. Yikes! All these women are terrifying-looking!

    I just stopped by to thank you for your fun LImerick-Off contributions! And then you went and scared me with this alleged women. 🙂

  14. sorry mate, but she looks like she’s just been very surprised, or indeed a madame tussauds wax job gone bad .. 🙂

  15. Extremely creepy photo but love your sketches.

  16. 😆

    Newt is sticking with his conservative principals and only buying what he can afford. Lavish maybe, but no deficit spending when it comes to poontang.

    Owing $500K to Tiffany’s does not a fiscal conservative make. All on credit, baby!

  17. Great post–Amazing comments >:D (And she’s got a nice rack, or is that your own addition?)

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