mind expanding nonsense

Twin Problems

After my first Dear Hansi letter, I’ve found advice columns to be a rich source of blog-worthy material. Here’s an actual letter to one columnist:

Her Bully Is Her Twin

Dear Fannie: I have an eighteen year old fraternal twin sister. We have the same friends, the same classes and even the same extracurriculars.

The problem is, she bullies me. If I have something she wants, she throws things at me. She pushes me out of my chair so she can sit in it. She constantly teases me, even when our friends are over. She says things like, “People only hang out with you because you’re my twin”, and “You should lose some weight.”

Everything I do, we do. Everything we do, she’s the boss. If I resist, she hits me. We have an older sister, but she favors my twin. My friends don’t want to get involved, or are oblivious to it. My parents do nothing. It’s obviously hard to avoid her, and I’m tired of sinking to her level. What can I do?

Twin Problems

Sad story, and being bullied is no fun. However, this plea holds the opportunity to stoop to new lows here at the H H blog, by ridiculing the handicapped. [Hey. They get all the good parking spaces; they should be able to take a joke]. So…. Let’s have some fun by just adding one word to the above, and see how it effects the whole tone of the letter. CONJOINED sounds good to me. Lets have a go at it.

Her Bully Is Her Conjoined Twin

Dear Fannie: I have an eighteen year old conjoined twin sister. We have the same friends, the same classes and even the same extracurriculars.

The problem is, she bullies me. If I have something she wants, she throws things at me. She pushes me out of my chair so she can sit in it. She constantly teases me, even when our friends are over. She says things like, “People only hang out with you because you’re my conjoined twin”, and “You should lose some weight.”

Everything I do, we do. Everything we do, she’s the boss. If I resist, she hits me. We have an older sister, but she favors my conjoined twin. My friends don’t want to get involved, or are oblivious to it. My parents do nothing. It’s obviously hard to avoid her, and I’m tired of sinking to her level. What can I do?

Conjoined Twin Problems

A new low? Who knows? Right now, movement in any direction is considered progress for me.

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Comments on: "Twin Problems" (13)

  1. We gemini have always had this problem

  2. A whole new insight to looking over her shoulder……

  3. I think your version was really the original and Fannie edited it to be politically correct.

  4. You have sunk to a new low. Please do one on midgets next.

  5. If she used that axe, she’d be carrying dead weight. Think she’s stuck with a huge problem.

  6. Conjoined twin letters about conjoined twins … wow! It’s postmodern you are, Hansi, not low.

  7. Terrance H. said:

    I have a brother who I hate so much I don’t even consider him a brother. I don’t call him on his birthday, Christmas, and he doesn’t call me. He’s dead to me, and that’s exactly the way I like it. I can’t stand him. He’s a peace of shit.

    Anyway. I’m just saying I’m glad I’m not connected to his ass.

  8. After seeing the title, I envisioned twin Sarahs … or even Sarah’s twin girls. Oh … what was the topic again?

  9. goodness, one twin’s fart is another’s orgasm .. !!

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