Nerf Guns

There’s an arms race going on out there, and it’s not between the US and China or some other country, but among our kids. It looks like the people who brought us the Nerf Ball are now busy arming our kids to the teeth with guns and rifles that shoot little orange darts.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not against boys playing with guns. I did. And next to playing with their penises, it’s our favorite pastime.

My 2 year old grandson loves playing with the little pump-up shooter we have at home.  I pump it a few times he presses the button. I say “weeeeee” and it shoots three feet into the air. He merrily chases after it and wants to do it again, and again and again. [Hmmm…sounds like some other past-time that little boys grow up to like].  My 7 year old grandson has a Nerf six-shooter revolver; a piece of crap that’s already broken. The kids down the street have Nerf shotguns and a rifle which comes with full clip of Nerf darts. But now for only $29.99, at Target, your kid can sit behind a Nerf Machine gun, complete with tripod and ammo belt of 25 darts, and like the kid in the Sunday ad, spray the neighborhood with a smile on his face.

I may be old fashioned, for I always preferred to make love and not war; and in the 60’s the only thing I wanted to shoot was a wad of boys into the reservoir end of a condom. But this is frickin’ over the edge. I can just see it now. My blond little grandson, who we’ll call “G I Joe” locking and loading, and laying down a field of fire on the little Asian kids down the street, who we’ll just happen to call “Charlie” . Or get together with the other boys and do a team sport thing: kinda like shirts vs skins like in PE.   All the boys with camouflage shirts on one side, while the kids in plain white t-shirts, take them off and wrap them around their heads like a towel, and be on the other side. Let the fun begin.  Wow…good thing the Nerf company doesn’t make car bombs.

I’m not a conspiracy theorist, cause nobody seems able to keep their mouths shut long enough these days for anything to turn into a real conspiracy. But I gotta question who or what is behind this mini arms race and what it means. I can’t believe its just demand form young boys for ever more lethal weaponry. In the 50’s, I thought I had the Ultimate Weapon when I cut a crude gun shape out of plywood, stuck a clothespin on one end, and shot rubber bands made from old inner tubes about ten feet. I sure hope it’s just good ol’ American Capitalism cashing in on the latest craze. And like the hula-hoop, will die its own natural death. But if our government is somehow involved, and in anticipation of being in Afghanistan forever, is grooming the next generation of ‘volunteers’ to keep us safe, well I just don’t want to go there. “Be a real patriot son. War is fun. Those darts didn’t hurt, did they”

WE’RE  DOOMED!!