mind expanding nonsense

The Last Resort


OK, we’re stooping to new lows here at Hansi’s Hallucinations. And I’m not talking about the depravity of most of my bathroom, potty-mouthed humor which is the main-stay of this Blog. Nope. I’m talking about coming up short, a real brain fart; I just can’t think of anything new to share. Coming up with new fresh hallucinations is no easy task.  Sometimes one needs a little help [image the Beatles’ “I get by with a little help from my friends” tune in the background] So, I’ll do what many a blogger and bloggerette does: blog about blogging, and how my blogging has become totally bogged down. This is the classic “I ain’t got shit to say, so I’ll say a bunch of shit about that” ploy.

It’s kinda like when a rock group finally achieves fame, moves out of their parent’s garage and actually starts making money playing music. What do they ultimately sing about? How hard it is being a Rock Star, on the road touring; the pressures of fame, the toll it takes on em. Bunch of whiners.

You got to keep in mind, that most of these guys spent their entire adolescence, locked in their rooms, listing to old records and practicing guitar for six hours a day. And what to they find for their efforts? It Sucks! But you got to sing about it cause the average life span of a rock group is about 2 -3 years. They implode after that. So you gotta crank out the hits before the money tree wilts, and you’re forever doomed to doing Oldies shows. Well the same thing is true about the Blog-o-sphere.

That reminds me of our local County Fair. The wife and I go on Senior Citizens/Disabled Persons Day. We hop on the shuttle bus, get in for free (best senior discount going), and usually go to the early afternoon stadium show. Now, before ya go saying, “Hansi, Aren’t you a little embarrassed taking them senior discounts? You’re so youthful looking and in such great shape.”  My answer:….Hell No! If I learned one thing from all my Jewish buddies in Baldwin Hills during the 60’s, it’s that only Gentiles and fools pay retail. If you can grab a bargain, you go for it. Who in their right mind is gonna belly-up to a cash register and demand to pay full price? Not me! In fact, when I was just pushing 60, I’d try and pass as a senior, kinda like when I bought beer as an eighteen year old. Anyone over 50 looks like a senior to some pimple-faced teenage idiots taking money….Ignorance is indeed, bliss.

Last year we saw Tony Orlando (no Dawn these days). I though I hit the bottom of geezer-hood with that one. Despite having to navigate around people in wheelchairs, walkers, or on a leash, [it was also mentally handicapped and disabled day] the show was actually fun. Tony put on a good show, sang his hits, along with everybody in the audience, and had a gentle self-deprecating sense of humor. Every one who could stand without assistance or their oxygen masks, was on their feet at the end sreamin’ for more.

The best part of the fair had to be the turkey and pig races. Turkeys are really dumb shits. These fools would chase a remote controlled dump truck filled with feed, around an oval tract.  Some even got totally confused, and just stood there dumbfounded, while their brothers were runnin’ around like a bunch of mini Velociraptors from Jurassic Park. The pigs had slightly higher IQ’s. But still acted like cute little morons.

Well that about sums it up. My last resort was the County Fair. Don’t know where that one came from. Must have just slipped out; kinda like a good fart. But don’t call me an old fart.

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Comments on: "The Last Resort" (16)

  1. Aah,
    The fantastic Los Angeles County Fair- the big kahuna of country fairs which puts most state fairs (including California) to shame. I would like to see the turkey races. I can live without Tony.

  2. I don’t go to any my generation shows any more. Saw Jersey Boys.Full of old people in their 60’s and older. Oh, oh. My license says 1949.

  3. They actually have mentally and physically disabled day at the fair? Am I a bad person because I wish you would tell us more about that?

    • It’s really a “disabled persons” day which they lump together with seniors day. Kinda groups all us over the hill folks together. That notwithstanding I go because we can get in free. The County fair is basically the same thing every year.

    • No-one could make this stuff up. Love the way one commenter deconstructs the gel nails and the bling, without saying anything about what they’re wrapped around! And what the hell is a corn dog? I don’t think I can tell from this photo.

      • Well a corn dog is a hotdog dipped in a batter and fried to perfection. Regarding the post with Michelle, I think its more a metaphor of symbol for something.

    • That was wonderful. Finally I found someone with a filthier mind than mine. Well actually two people: you Thomas and the person who posted Michelle schnarling that corn dog. Loved it.

  4. New lows in geezerhood and people on leashes … Priceless!

  5. geezerpussrex said:

    You need to let blog followers know that you didn’t attend the Los Angeles County Fair but instead sauntered through a far quainter county hoopla. The free day for geezers and wheezers clears out all the board and care facilities there in Surf City and Chiquesville. On Senior / Disabled Day, scantily-covered, heavily-tattooed flesh gives way to thin, crinkly skin and pastel plaids. Lines into the restrooms disappear with the prevalence of incontinent folks. Who needs bathroom breaks when you’re wearing Attends® Supersorb® adult nappies?

    As Toar won’t go to that fair regardless of cheapness, I understand that I missed out on the latest deep-fried epicurean sensation. Although quite yummy, corn dogs are passe. Deep fried Kool-aid is the new sensation. It defies the laws of physics! How can they fry artifically flavored sugar water and come out with a marketable product? Weren’t deep-fried Twinkies enough?!?

    Next week you’ll be telling us that Tony Orlando had a hip replacement and was wheeled out by two hot nurses both named Dawn. Oh Hansi, what a price to pay!! Where is the lucid in your hallucination?

    • I see you’ve been to the Fair on Senior/Disabled Persons day yourself. I went again this year and saw the Four Tops, or should I say the one remaining Top with three younger stand-ins. They sucked, but the roasted corn on the cob was good.

  6. New lows? Now your scaring me. 🙂

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