mind expanding nonsense

OK….For this to make any sense whatsoever I gotta come down a little, and you gotta read my previous post Fun With Spam.  I know, it’s a cheap trick to get ya to read, or worse yet re-read some of my stuff, but I’m gonna assume that if you’re a blogger, you’re already over stimulated and have a real short attention span, or are ADD (attention deficit disorder).  Furthermore, you always got to read the first part first,  for the second part to make any sense.  It would sorta be like reading the Bible and starting with the Book of Revelation, where God ends up destroying everyone; instead of starting with the first book, Genesis, where God destroyed everyone in Noah’s Flood.

So I send off my real sarcastic, smart-ass response to Mr James’ Peter (amazing how a simple little apostrophe  can change  things into an apostasy).  And Old Hansi be double dipped in shit if Mr James didn’t reply [damn this is as good as blogging].  Well we saw how sarcasm worked, so let’s crank it up  a notch and see how being truly offensive works, now that you’ve been warmed up by my near blasphemous biblical reference.

Here it is, unedited:

Dear friend

Thank you for your response. like i said in my first proposal that I got your information during my searcher on your Country Chambers of Comers and as I did explain in my very first email message, this amount of US$10,500,000.00 was realized as excess profits made by this branch of the International Commercial Bank which I head. Presently, I have the funds lodged in a Non-Investment Account without a beneficiary. The transfer would be via a conventional Bank-to-Bank direct to your account without any trouble or delay, also my bank is going to secure all the necessary documents backing up the funds as a legitimate funds and not of drug money/laundering/terrorist so do not worry about that for now OK.

It was God intervention to choose you when searching for a sincere person that will assist me claim the fund which has been dormant in escrow call account
The modalities I have mapped to round up the transfer of the funds to your haven include the following:

(1)I will configure your names on the Database of the entire International Commercial Bank Ghana as the depositor/holder of the Escrow Call Account presently holding the US$10,500,000.00.million

(2)With your names duly programmed on our banks database, I will issue a Backdated Deposit certificate showing your name as holder of the Escrow Account. The Backdated certificate would also indicate that the account has existed with our bank before now.

(3) In lead of the above steps, I will then provide you with a draft application that you shall fill with your complete details and email it to the Head Office of our bank requesting Closure of the Account/wire transfer of the proceeds funds to your designated bank account in your country .

Also, you are advised to provide your complete details immediately and to join hands together as a friend forever.

Your full names

Your address/country
Your occupation
Your private mobile number

Your age

Copy of your ID or drivers license

With regards,

Mr James Peter
Cell +233242243463
ID attached.

Never being able to leave well enough alone.  here’s my reply:
My New Friend James
Goddamn am I lucky.  And while using His named in vain, I’d just like to thank God (and Jesus too),  for the good fortune of  you becoming my new best friend.
After you retire, you don’t have many friends anymore, and the ones you do have all started  dying off.  Shit it get’s lonely sometimes, and how many times a day can one just lay around the house masturbating?  Well, ten times was the max for me before I started cramping-up ( I’m not a young man anymore Jimmy).  And….. If it weren’t for my cats, Well I just don’t know what I’d do.
God does indeed work in strange ways to loosen money out of governments.   In fact, and you may enjoy this, there’s a whole political party over here in America that just devoted to screwing everybody for the sake of bank profits.  You’d fit right in with them guys.
Got to admit that I’m a little reluctant to send ya all my personal information, but since you sent a valid I. D., and promised to only perjure yourself with then fake documents to cover MY ass.  here ya go
Name:  Hansi Hallucination
13 Mary Juana  Rd
Los Angeles California
Retired, age 64, no mobile phone
Hey i can’t send ya my drivers licsens cause it was suspended for a DWI, but I wasn’t really drunk. [Sorry Jimbo, couldn’t help making fun of your poor spelling and grammar, but what’s that among friends?].
Send my money to:
First Sperm Bank of Californian
Here’s Mr James reply in Bold, followed by mine:
Provide your full details immediately
I did James, that was the best I could do.
Provide your full details immediately
What else do you want of me?  I said that was all I could do.
So much for my new friend.

Comments on: "More Fun With Spam part 2" (15)

  1. Such a shame. I know you could do good things with that money.

  2. Geez. This guy want to know everything . I wouldn’t give him a dress size.

  3. I wonder how long you can keep up the correspondence this way!

  4. Hansi…Good news! We now know what Jesus Would Do……..Amen!

  5. Find your ongoing correspondence very entertaining. Would imagine Mr. Peter has tired of you and moved onto greener pastures. Too bad.

  6. “I know, it’s a cheap trick to get ya to read, or worse yet re-read some of my stuff, but I’m gonna assume that if you’re a blogger, you’re already over stimulated and have a real short attention span, or are ADD (attention deficit disorder)” … such a cack.

  7. 😆

    Hansi’s got a hobby. And a damn funny one too.

    Have you seen this site? He shares your hobby. Hahaha
    Ebola Monkey Man

  8. Dan d Man said:

    I didn’t know you had a cat again? And I agree never trust anyone from Ghana(ria)…The taxes on your windfall would have killed you anyway

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: