mind expanding nonsense

“What A Wanker”

I made a post lately titled “Calling Bullshit”, one of my better efforts if I may say so myself. But what was really cool, was not my biting sarcastic parody, but the comments from some of my international friends, who introduced me to the term “Wanker”. Never heard of that one before, maybe because I don’t live in the UK. Must be a lot of Wanking going on over there, cause it’s a fairly popular term, bollocks notwithstanding.

Well I had to Google “Wanker” as soon as I saw it, not just because I was ignorant of the terms meaning (although in retrospect I found that I was quite a master of it during my youth); but there’s nothing like finding a new expression who’s meaning is not only obtuse, but nasty and derogatory too. The best of all worlds. Kinda like learning about the “F” word when I was eight. Didn’t have a clue as to what it meant, but sure knew it wasn’t good (boy was I wrong there). Back then I could use a naughty word and none of my friends knew it’s true meaning..snicker snicker.

Seems like Wanker is pretty much a male dominate sport/title/profession. Rarely used for women, except if there’s a female auxiliary of Wankeretts. But then again if there where Wankeretts, there would probably be not need for wankering and there be few true Wankers left…. It’s also a British term of fairly recent origin. You just got to love them Brits and their rich potty mouths; hey they invented the American Language. [Here in California the Mexicans invented the American Language]. And here’s a little secret: We (the people) in the States love it.

Take that show American Idol. You probably have your version where you live. We just ate-up that Simon Cowell guy with his snide, uppity aloof sarcasm wrapped in an English accent. Chef Gordon “bleep” Ramsay is another one. This UK import has two or three restaurant/cooking shows. “Hells Kitchen” was one of his first. You’ll notice it wasn’t called “Hecks” Kitchen. Nope, the good Chef had such a vile potty mouth that half of what he said had to be censored. Nearly every sentence had a “bleep” sound in it . Sometimes when the Chef got really bloody pissed (not bleeped), there was a bleep after every other bleepin’ word he bleeping said; usually nouns. Well being ever curious, and hating censorship, I figured  they were probably only bleeping the words fuck or shit. And despising mind control (herbal exempted), I started substituting fuck and shit for the bleeped words during the show; just to get a feel for what the good chef was really talking about. I got to be so good at it that I soon stopped hearing the bleep sound, but rather subliminally substituted the dirty words…. Fuck, that Wanker could really talk some Shit. Oops, no seven second delay here in the Hallucinatorium. Sorry, it’s just all that subliminal conditioning.

So I decided I got to start using the term Wanker as much as I can. It’d sure impress my fellow countrymen; some of whom are real Wankers themselves. And having the blog-o-sphere as a vehicle for all the effluent in my mind, I decided to add yet another category to my blog: “What a Wanker”. Reserved for special recipients who may not be truly “Ripe For Ridicule”, but still blokes who may be in need of some special attention. Calling someone a wanker is the opposite a “Shout Out” when ya say “Hey!” to someone. More like an expression of disapproval, “what a wanker, yuk.”. The whole Anthony Weiner story is so old now, but he would have been a good first recipient. For not only was he a Wanker, but it appears he was also a wanker too. Love double meanings, don’t you?

So really having no one specifically in mind, just take this as a promo, or better yet a trailer that hasn’t hit You Tube yet, about what’s upcoming here at Hansis’. Maybe then you’ll be able to say “What a Wanker”.  “Ah Hansi, you never did fully explain what a Wanker was.”  Well, don’t be such a wanker; look it up you ‘bleeping’ self. 🙂

OK, I’ll give ya a little hint.  The guy who came up with  this device was a real wanker.


Comments on: "“What A Wanker”" (31)

  1. I hear that wordpress has added a few new servers to accomodate your wanker posts! Where did you find that video? They should give one of those to all prepubescent boys to get them ready for their first wank!

    • There is certainly an abundance of candidates, if not an outright glut, for a What A Wanker award. My thirty year old son turned me on to that video, a for real commercial probably only seen on early morning cable TV. I wonder if I went wrong somewhere?

  2. ham shanker
    merchant banker
    get amongst it .. 🙂

  3. LOL! You’re too funny!

    • There’s a limerick out there somewhere if wanker in it. Let’s see: spanker, canker, anchor, tanker…..I’ll get to work on it right away.

  4. Obviously you never watched “Married… with kids”? Peggy Bundys maiden name is Wanker and her family lives in Wanker County…

    • Knut…You’re right! Do you get that stuff over in Germany? So much for your Mother’s argument a long time ago that German TV was oh so superior to the crap we watch in the States. What a wanker she was. You guys are watchin’ the same shit. Is there a Wanker County in Germany? Possibly in Bavaria???

  5. Hansi,
    And I thought that a wanker was another one of those strange English breakfast dishes.

  6. Yes you’ve just got to love us Brits Hansi, when it comes to derogatory remarks we are the masters.
    As for Ramsey we get the uncensored version of Kitchen Nightmares USA and I feel he only does it for effect.
    We have rhyming slang for most remarks – he’s having – ‘a ham shank’, ‘a barclays’ (bank), ‘a Gorton’ (tank), ‘a J. Arthur’ (Rank). He’s ‘a merchant’ (banker) etc,etc.

    A-U-L, UK


  7. I’ll wive and die a New York Wankees fan

  8. I think you must have led a very sheltered life. lol..

  9. It is a great term…..a reader of my blog is from the UK and Quin uses it quite often….I love it!

  10. Hello, you old wanker, Hansi 🙂 Priceless! Yep, in Australia, everyone is a wanker until proven otherwise. It’s like our national initiation test and can take a lifetime to sit it: how to show you’re not up yourself.

    • You mean there’s even Wankers in Australia? I thought it was strictly a phenomenon of the UK and United States Congress.

  11. Hansi I was talking to my neighbor who was describing his view of the American political situation and was reminded of another term for your arsenal–tosser. It is synonymous with wanker. I’m not sure what, if any, are the qualitative or quantitative differences between a wanker and a tosser but I’m hoping someone has a handle on the question.

  12. Your sister Heidi said:

    Hansi, every language probably has their own term. The German one, for your new vocabulary collection, is “Wichser” (pronounced vixxer), the verb being “wichsen” and it means exactly the same thing as in English! But it is ONLY for males, there being no female comparison. The only word I can think of for females is and remains Bitch, which just about includes everything!

    • Vixxer is a good one, but you’d never know by reading it: Wichser, unless of course you’re German. That gives me a good idea for a post: “Wishin’ I was Wichsen”. I’m gonna get to work on that one right now. thanks Heidi, in German it would probably sound more lie “Vishing I Vas Vixxering”

  13. Your sister Heidi said:

    Hansi, you’re great! Can hardly wait for your blog on wichsen! Glad to be some help. A word for word translation (but not correct German) is: “Wuensche ich war wichsen.”

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