mind expanding nonsense

Ripe For Ridicule

Something new here at Hallucinations, a new award, or maybe a new category. “Ripe for Ridicule”. I have a special place in my heart for dumb shits. They put my kids through college and provided me with a 30 year career in Corrections, and now even a comfortable (but by no means lavish) retirement. In appreciation, I would like to acknowledge those dumb shits who I consider Ripe for Ridicule.

Now I don’t intend to be mean spirited, god knows there’s plenty of that goin’ around. And I’m not going after the ignorant, cause if you’re ignorant, you just don’t know any better till someone tells ya otherwise. But After you find out, and still act with ignorance, then you move into the dumb-shit category. A prolonged stay as a dumb shitland could cause you to stumble into the lowest realm of all: the stupid mother-phucker kingdom, from which there is seldom any return.

Those who I consider Ripe for Ridicule, usually have a weak grasp upon reality, are fools, or are living a life of shear delusion. Not being ignorant dumb shits or stupid mother-phuckers, those ripe for ridicule should know better, but apparently refuse to face the facts about their situation.

So who’s my first recipient??? None other than Mr Playboy himself, Hugh Hefner! Seems like Mr Hefner, age 85, (did you say eighty fucking five?) was dumped by his 25 year old bride to be Crystal Harris, just days before their wedding. Ms Harris had a “change of heart” and bailed on the “Hef”. And the Hefmiester, being a vindictive old fart, having featured his new bride on the latest cover of Playboy Magazine, introducing her as “America’s Princess…Mrs Crystal Hefner”, [his idea of a wedding gift, and no doubt featured in the centerfold spread as well] is seeking revenge by affixing “Runaway Bride” stickers over her image on his latest issue.  I know, ya try and do something nice like showing off your latest “spread” and it turns around and bites ya in the ass; poor Hef.

A change of Heart?? Me thinks Ms Harris had a moment of clarity, and money notwithstanding, realizing what kind of future she’d have with an 85 year old man, used Hef’s ass for what it was forth (a lot of money). OK, maybe the future she had in mind was after Hugh passed on to that Big Mansion in the Sky. No virgins there.

And Hugh….What the hell was he thinking? At 85 does he still believe in his own myth???  Granted he was the icon for the sexual revolution, but Hello…Earth to Grandpa . “Who the hell do you think you’re impressing by marrying a 25 year old ???”  And furthermore, what does he think he has in common with a 25 year old woman; except unbridled ambition, desire for fame, and a willingness to show off and do anything for money.  At 85, folks shouldn’t be making long term commitments; but should either lease or rent by the month.  And with his money, he could rent as much of that young poontang as he wants. Why the hell  marry it? 

So old “Hef” was used by a woman.  Turn around is fair play, they say. And he  probably doesn’t have much “heft” left, now that he’s empty handed and broken hearted.  What an old fool. And I do feel sorry for him.  Still leaves him Ripe For Ridicule.


Comments on: "Ripe For Ridicule" (16)

  1. She’d be a nobody fame- wise as his wife although she’d score a lot of loot. But now she is someone in her own right – “the ho that jilted Hef” and that will open many possibilities for her.

  2. Poor Hef. Thought he actually looked sad in a picture I saw. Hard to tell, though, the man is showing his age.

  3. Power and Money = Plenty of Pussy.

    Always has and always will, but like you say, why marry it.

    A-U-L, UK


  4. I am the only one who finds it hilarious that her name is “Crystal?” My guess is that she found someone to explain the fine print in the prenup to her and she decided it wasn’t worth it.

    PS–Love the playboy bunny wheelchair icon!

    • It probably became crystal clear that she was getting screwed in the pre-nup. Thanks on the icon, It was a challenge coming up with something symbolic of both Mr Hefner’s celebrity and age.

  5. Snoring Dog Studio said:

    No worries. There are plenty of vapid, money grubbing 20 something’s lined up to take her place. Hef is no more grotesque than the women who hover around him.

  6. Hansi,
    While old Hef may be due for your RFR, maybe you should be careful about throwing stones. After all, put yourself in his place twenty years down the road and imagine that instead of the steady hand of Mrs; Hansi around the old Hallucinatorium, there was only the infrequent scurrying of some wayward vagrant critter. You’d be looking for someone to tuck you in at night too. Count your blessings and before you are too quick to criticize, first walk a mile in Hef’s shoes.

    • Very thoughtful Ralph. When I’m 85, I’ll be looking into having a nice nurse tuck me in; and change my diaper. Rather than walk a mile in Hef shoes, I’d prefer to spend a couple of nights in his bedroom……Not with him of coarse!

  7. I’m with you
    on Hugh.

  8. so what’s wrong with being 85 and marrying a 25 year old .. oh shit scrap that – too much is wrong, so wrong .. cheers 🙂

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