mind expanding nonsense

3000 Drunk Drivers

No….I haven’t taken too much medication, and this is not the bummer of all bummers. It’s pretty damn scary though. I went back to work. “YOU DID WHAT??” yes I went back to the House of Pain, for a real dose of self medication. I’ve been fully retired for two years now, haven’t earned a dime, and been luvin it. So. Whats with WORK?

I know, it’s a four lettered work, and I try to avoid outright obscenities here at my Hallucinations [but have no qualms about planting little, ittie-bittie tiny seeds of filth in your already dirty mind]. But damn, I couldn’t resist this one; plus, having a glutinous appetite for punishment, I just couldn’t say no to the money I can make cranking out mindless bullshit in Probationland. Hey it’s kinda like the same thing I do with this blog, except now I’m finally making money with nonsense, but just not on the Internet, or in my home.

Not doing this, would be like Not stealing candy from babies. The dough is ripe for the pickin’, and I be a pickin’. Well by now you can tell that I’ve obviously totally sold out, and made a pact with the devil. But I didn’t sell out, I’m just renting myself to the highest bidder. Guess I’m just a Corrections Ho.  

“But Hansi” you might be thinking, “how exciting, kicking down doors, hooking-up bad guys, carting them off to jail.  What fun”.  NOT!  I’ve been called out of retirement to sit on a 3000 plus uncovered caseload of first time drunk drivers.  Although these folks have been placed on formal, supervised probation for three years.  I ain’t counseling them.  I ain’t doing home calls.  I ain’t out there taking their car keys away.   Nope, I’m sitting at a computer all day, making sure they’re going to Alcohol School, and most importantly, paying their fines.   For Corrections had become a big revenue generator for local governments here in Californication.  See, if you get popped for a DUI, you gonna end up paying close to $4500 in fines and fees for the privilege.  That’s about a hundred times more expensive than a cab fare from the bar to your home. 

Oh well, I’m running out of time and have to rush off to the salt mine…or should I say gold mine


Comments on: "3000 Drunk Drivers" (14)

  1. Hansi, I don’t blame you for milking the system, as long as you enjoy what you’re doing, if they are paying for your experience – why not? Take the the money while the going is good.

    As for the fines in the USA, I’m astounded, here in the UK drunk under the influence, or drunk in charge as we call it usually carries a fine of £200-£300/$300/$450. Your country as got it right as regards offenders, here we are more concerned with their human rights – what a load of bollocks.

    A-U-L. UK

    • Bill…I’m gonna milk the system for all that it’s worth; it’s my civic duty. That’s pretty lenient for drunk driving in the UK. In the States, we’re so busy locking people up, that there’s no more room for them in jail, and they’re being released early because incarceration costs so much. Guess we’re more harsh on the front end,but lenient in the back end….Hey, that didn’t sound right. 🙂 Enjoy your holiday.

      • Hansi, we dish out sentences such as 5 years for murder, the prisoner only serves half the sentence. That’s piss poor justice as far as I am concerned.

        Killing someone by dangerous driving is usually 2 years or less, so they serve less than 12 months. If it affected my family I would be waiting for them upon release and f… the consequencies.

        A-U-L, UK

      • That’s something to think about should one need to seek revenge in the UK. All ya gotta do is have a few pints, do it with a car, and if caught, ya do 12 months in what amounts to a Spa. I’m thinking of “A Clockwork Orange”, when I think of an English prison, and not so much the Charles Dickens type.

  2. Hansi,
    As a long time Californian, I applaud your efforts to boost the revenues of the tax-deprived California government. Although I am generally hostile to Cash Cow Cops, I make an exception for DUI’s. I feel so much safer now that you are back on the job.

    • Ralph…I knew you’d be sleeping better at night knowing I’m back on the job 🙂 You may be happy to know that I’m going after illegal aliens,most of whom have a prior DUI, and requesting bench warrants for their asses should they return to the States after being deported from jail. They are the guys Not paying, nor doing anything the court has ordered. Actually feel like I’m doing some good for the Golden State.

  3. Your sister Heidi said:

    I sure hope you know what you’re doing considering working again! You were always the one who wanted to earn more money than needed, but perhaps these bucks will pay for another exciting trip to good old Germany, or even a trip to the Norwegian roots.
    Is the Wife managing the day without you or is she saying “Thank God he’s gone for the day?”
    Wish you luck with supporting CA.

  4. Sounds like you have got the ideal job Hansi, you don’t meet any of your ‘customers’. If you are getting paid well for just administration on a computer, I tip my hat to you. Perfect. Plenty of money coming in to pay for the essentials, beer and books. Well don Hansi, I’m jealous.

    Leamington Spa, England

  5. Corrections Ho .. is that an xmas thing .. 😉

  6. I love your illustrations. What a wonderful talent!

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