mind expanding nonsense

Fun With Spam

It’s time for some fun with Spam. I’m not talking about the canned meat (bi) product. Although, a few years back I went to the Spam-O-Rama in Austin Texas, which featured everything Spam, from cooking, sculpture, clothing… to throwing. Great fun, And, the Austin Lounger Lizards where there too, and sang my favorite song: “Jesus loves me…But He can’t stand you”.

Nope this is about the Spam you get in your Blog Comments, which are similar to the type ya get in your e-mail, that are basically cheap unwelcome computer generated advertisements. Well Blogs get Spam, and instead of a real comment, they mostly consist of some generic, apply to anything statement like: “Creative post. You’re so good at what you do. I like it.” What a let down. Here ya thought someone finally likes your  stuff, only to discover it’s just  a computer sending millions of these messages, in the hopes directing you to their site, to sell ya something.

Well…..I’m getting even with the Spammers. In the spirit of just good wholesome deviant fun, I’m approving all Spam, posting it, EDITING it, and making my reply with some smart-alec comment. I do change their URL, so ya can’t check them out . Sorry, but I don’t want to be responsible for you making a major purchase and maxing-out your credit card, because you too have hallucinated while reading my stuff.  Editing their URL gives me opportunity for some naughty mayhem. So instead of .com at the end of their URL ; I changed it to .cum. For .org I change it to .orgy. And, for .net; I change to something like .nut//sack 🙂

Now here’s the really bizarre part: all this Spam goes to only one of my posts, and I shit you not , it’s “Jump In His Shit”, which was posted March 12th. It was an advice column bit, about an old guy who couldn’t keep his hands out of the party ice bucket. But the replies I get via spam, are funnier than, shit, considering it’s in response to a post on jumping in shit.

Here’s the first gem

blefawayclica said:

April 4, 2011 at 5:58 pm

I just couldn’t resist and want to thank you for this magnificent post. I even wrote a blog post about it here http://awesomemovies.Spam.cum


April 5, 2011 at 6:41 am

Why thank you blefawayclica, I have to agree that “Jump In His Shit” was one of my better efforts, and I’m happy as shit that jumping in shit inspired you too. No shit! I mean it. But you’re a little late to the party. This was an early March post, and here it is April 15th already. Hope you’re not so tardy in your business dealings.
Magnificently Yours, Hansi

No explanation needed for this on:


April 7, 2011 at 7:05 am

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Однако наша компания является приятным исключением из этого неприятного правила. Мы вот уже много лет занимается ремонтом помещений, комнат, дач и еще ни разу нам не поступало от наших клиентов ни неприятных отзывов, ни каких-либо жалоб. ремонт однокомнатной квартиры под ключ Большой опыт наших специалистов, а также высокий профессионализм всех без исключения наших сотрудников, поможет сделать хорошо, качественно и – главное – доступно как косметический, так и капитальный ремонт. новая квартира ремонт Современное оборудование, новые технологии планировки и дизайна, а также индивидуальный подход к каждому клиенту и гибкая система скидок сделали нашу фирму самой успешной на сегодня организацией, оказывающей услуги реставрации и отделке офисов, комнат или дач. ремонт квартир в долгопрудном
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Hansi said:

April 7, 2011 at 11:13 am

Hey it’s cousin Balky. Glad ya liked the post, but frankly, your comment was all Greek to me. So I took the liberty of altering your URL to .ruse, as in fake. Thanks for the comment no matter how incomprehensible it may be. Have a nice day in Spam-a-lot.

April 8, 2011 at 4:32 am

some genuinely marvelous work on behalf of the owner of this internet site , perfectly outstanding articles .

Hansi said:

April 8, 2011 at 7:57 am

Now, do I ever want to shop at Lowes again after their idiotic response to a post called Jump In His Shit?   Holy Shit!!…Wholly Shit!
Well maybe the plumbing department sent this one [not filthy enough for me though]. What a bunch of dumb shits, thinking that maybe, with this Spam, they could trick someone into going to their site, and subsequently making a major purchase or home upgrade. Well old Hansi edited their URL from .com to .cum, so ya won’t go to Lowes if ya click on it….May end up on a porn site, but that’s way beyond my control.

Can’t leave this one out.

broker forex review

Thought I would comment and say neat theme, did you make it for yourself? It’s really awesome!

Hell no I didn’t make it myself. It’s just a basic, freebie, I’m too cheap to self-host, punch-out Word Press Blog theme.  It’s not even “really awesome” Mr foreskin or whatever your name is, it’s frickin’ primitive, surpassed only by my crude pencil and ink drawings, which serve to illustrate how low in depravity I’ve stooped, by replying to your comment.


Comments on: "Fun With Spam" (25)

  1. I have had over 20,000 spam comments to date Hansi, some gems amongst them, although I never read them anymore. Here’s a couple and my replies.

    “The next time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this one. I mean, I know it was my choice to read, but I actually thought you’d have something interesting to say”.

    No, just the usual old BS.

    “Hey, I found your site via Google while searching for herpes cures and your post looks quite interesting in my experience”.

    Genital I hope!

    A-U-L, UK

    • Damn, that’s a lot of Spam. Room for lots of fun. Wonder if spammer’s read replies, or do they just generate more computer stuff??? Anyway, getting even is always fun.

  2. Haha!! I almost wet myself reading this post.
    Although. I must admit I’m a little jealous. To date I have not received one Spam comment. Not one. I guess I’m not Spam worthy haha!!

    • That’s hard to believe,you have a pretty good following and probably get a lot of ‘views’ (of your blog that is) but lucky you. I really don’t know what generates Spam, but I sure must use them a lot.

  3. i love it, changing the urls is inspired and supplying some feedback well worthy .. 😉

  4. Nice job! Spam can be very inspiring! 🙂 A few years ago I wrote these Spam Haiku

  5. So true about sources of inspiration. And thanks!

  6. Hansi, I wish you had bothered to translate that Ruskie cousin of yours’ comment. I get that same one often…sometime multiples on the same post…and I’ve always wondered what the hell it said.

    Madeleine…get rid of the nofollow attribute on your blog and your traffic will pick up.

  7. Since switching to WP Akismet has stopped *
    25,049. No idea how many Bad Behavior has stopped over time but 161in the last 7 days 🙂 – that’s over about the last 6 years (I think that’s about when I switch to WordPress. It’s rare to get any now with those two running. Well that and my firewall (I have a dedicated server), and Cloudflare (3rd party DNS provider) blocks most of known spamming IPs

    • Seems like you are well protected. Kinda like wearing three condoms when doin’ the big nasty; you’re not gonna catch anything, but then again it’s three times less fun 🙂

  8. I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now every time a comment is added I keep getting four emails with the same comment. Is there any way you can delete me from that service? Thanks!

  9. Wanted to drop a comment and let you know your Feed isnt functioning today. I tried adding it to my Bing reader account but got nothing.

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  16. […] that ‘kiddie porn’ was goin’),  but into a prior post lampooning spam, entitled Fun With Spam.  Frickin’ idiots; another case of karma comin’ around and biting ya in the […]

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