mind expanding nonsense

Last year, way back in early December, I did a post on “Tri Phoria, Men Are Doomed”. Well it’s languished in the Archives for a long time, but has consistently gotten views on a weekly basis. Maybe because Tri Phoria is the latest personal vibrator from the folks at Trojan [you know, the company that makes those condoms everybody hates to use, but does so, especially when traveling in well charted, yet dangerous territories which may require doubling up so you don’t hit a sexually transmitted ice berg and go down like the Titanic].

My guess is, either I’m just a great writer and humorist, and people are just starting to find out about me and read everything I’ve ever written. Or, there’s a lot of single, lonely, and wee bit horny, women out there, and they want to know if the thing really works, cause they have their credit cards handy, and are willing to pay for express shipping.

It’s probably the later, but if ya got something workin’ for you, ya might as well beat it into the ground (fore if a little is good, a lot has got to be even better). And anyway its a good way to recycle earlier stuff when ya come up short. Nobody will notice in this land of Attention Deficit Disorder, we call the Blog O Sphere. So here’s a Review of Tri Phoria….Not the actual product, but of my December post on the subject. How the Hell should I know if a Female Vibrator is any good???

So talking about beating stuff into the ground. Tri Phoria is a personal vibrator just for women. I saw a lengthy ad just before Christmas last year, which featured a group of young “ladies” at a faux bridal shower. And what were they giving this bride to be ( dressed with white veil, and highly revealing cleavage)?? Toasters, cook books, linen??   Hell no!!!  They were giving her Tri Phoria personal vibrators, along with testimonials how it would “Blow Your Hair Back”. These little tramps, didn’t all chip in and buy her just one. No, she got 2 or 3; just for back-up I guess.

You just got to see this for yourself to believe it , So I’ve embedded the ad right here, for your edification. Enjoy

Didn’t ya just love those horny little harlots raving on about this substitute schwance?   Tri Phoria comes with three different attachments, to get You Phoriating three ways. And with two AA batteries, can provide up to 30 minutes of continuous use, unless of course you’re a little whore who keeps it turned to 10 the whole time. But the bottom line is: Men are Doomed. And….easily replaced with a product, that will out preform just about every one of us who is not a professional porn star.

If you watched the video to the bitter end, you’ve noticed the would be groom getting just as excited about her gifts as nympho fiance.  He says, “Sweeet”.   I know he’s an actor, and probably gay, but I just can’t understand a man going along with a dildo as wedding gift, let alone three of them.  Go figure.  All I can guess is “Oh boy! one for each of our orifices.”


Comments on: "Tri Phoria, let’s Review" (24)

  1. We might be able to beat a dildo for quality but when it comes to staying power, well batteries win every time.

    Ashton-under-Lyne, UK

    • Sad but true, and I confess, the “Energizer Bunny” has got old Hansi beat. Maybe a sexual battery would help, to keep me ‘ticking’, but the term has a bad connotation; in my crime fighting days a sexual battery wasn’t something that would give ya more staying power, but an offense with severe jail terms.

  2. Hansi,
    What I don’t understand is why there is a groom at all. After all we learned way back in the 70’s that men are unnecessary hindrances- all she needs is the vibrator and when she wants children -a turkey baster. It is true what they say. People who don’t study history have to relive it.

  3. “Tri Phoria is a personal vibrator just for women”

    When I read that sentence I can’t help but envision a world where other vibrators are public property passed around by both men and women. Maybe they loan them out in dark corners at the library.

    • Taylor….Things can get a little kinky even in vibrator-land 🙂

    • Yeah I quite enjoy the whole Gender Marketing they got going on there. It’s like it’s something totally new! Oh WOW! Just for women?! Not like the GAZILLION other vibes that are marketed for women.

      Truely though, it’s for everyone…it’s just whatever floats your boat.

      • That’s true. But the best part is now you can get even with those corporate swine, by purchasing one, and thereafter living without men 🙂

      • Live without Men? Who’s going to rub my tummy when it’s upset? Also who will open jars (seriously I have the hand strength of an 80 year old) and do the man chores? I’ve become too dependent (lazy) to give him up. Plus he keeps me warm in these -40 C winters.

  4. As handy as vibrator’s are, don’t get me wrong, they do not make us our coffees in the morning.
    That’s why men will never become redundant 😉
    …Also, I’m pretty sure it’s not solely women who enjoy the company of one Sir Brator!

    • Nice play on words with ‘handy’ and ‘vibrator’..snicker snicker. Thanks for your words of encouragement.

  5. […] has contributed 99 articles.even though the title is far too long for my heading section, hansi’s hallucinations is a great source of clever cartoons, great writing and is a tremendous inlfuence on my blogging […]

  6. I found one once thinking it was a torch. So I had a peek.


  7. Hi, found you at tbaoo recommendation. Tri Phoria seems more like a divorce gift than a wedding gift, but what do I know? It may not make me coffee in the morning, but a woman can’t live on coffee alone. Sweeet!!

    • Thanks for stopping by. The best part of the whole Tri Phoria thing is it allows you to multi-task. You can have your coffee and start your day off nicely, at the same time

  8. geezerpussrex said:

    There must be a trade-off. The battery manufacturers make out like bandits with each fresh set of AAAs or AAs that the lady-folk feed these things, meanwhile the cucumber growers despair.

  9. a divorce gift? lol REALLY? c’mon. like you’ve never experienced sexual disappointment in a relationship? it’s better than cheating.

    honestly. this device has been ENGINEERED from scratch to do a mans work. it really is a clever little device. I wrote a personal thank you letter to the head of engineering at the manufacturing company. (not trojan, but actually arm & hammer)

    When i first got it, i thought that no man could EVER stand a chance.. but I was actually proven wrong. i am happy to be wrong.

  10. That a clever drawing with the woman riding the phallic rocket Hansi. Entertaining post.

  11. Im a man and im all for it, make us some vaginas trojan and advertise um on tv, hell i dont need sex with my wife, give me a toilet paper roll filled with lub and it fills better then any vagina, vaginas have acid in them that can burn your pp off. 🙂 woho go trojan I hope the ladys love them, I love it when my wife uses toys it gets me hot. i love it when she gets herself off then f the s out uh me. MMMMMMMMMMMMMm. m hey we cant cuddle with toys there just pure fun enjoyment for us all. I should patent my tolet papper vag, and make some money 🙂

  12. […] (not to be confused with tire manufacturers).  those were so popular, that I did two posts on Tri-Phoria, mainly because the commercial for it was so outrageous, “blowing back the hair” of a […]

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