mind expanding nonsense

Marriage

This is going to be my Opus, my masterpiece of blogging, it’s my comprehensive treatise on Marriage. Now, a word of warning to all my male readers. Don’t let the wife catch you reading this shit! Read it in private, or do so with a blanket over your head and computer screen [kinda like ya do when visiting a questionable website that asks if you are over 18 before entering, and ya don’t want the wife to find out]. This isn’t gonna be XXX rated, so you can keep you hand on the computer mouse, instead of the bald one that resides in your trousers.

Also, before you start to call me an old pervert, keep in mind that I’ve been married for over 40 years. I know something about the subject, and have been married far longer than I’ve been an old pervert.

Point #1: Marriage as we know it today, is not Biblical, and a far cry from the institution portrayed in the Holy Scriptures. Betty Bowers, “America’s Best Christian”, says it far more eloquently than I, so watch the video. Go on…do it. Just click on the little triangle…it won’t hurt. You’ll love it!


Well Betty pretty much nailed it with that one. So why is the church involved? It’s just like government. They want to regulate marriage so they can cash in, not to mention keep their followers in line. You’re far more likely to keep those tithes and offerings rollin’ in, if you fear eternal punishment for bailing out of your marriage. Personally, when it comes to offerings to the Lord, I prefer to give directly to God, rather than through a mere representative. Here’s what I do: I take a wad of dollar bills, throw them up in the air, and utter a brief prayer “ Lord, takest what Thy want.” Everything that falls back to earth is mine, the rest is the Lords.

Point #2: Marriage never happens at a convenient time. I got married at age 22, but I could have used it more at age 15, than I need now at age 63.

Point #3: Marriage is a loosing proposition. It’s a given fact that 50% of marriages will fail. With odds like that, it’s little more than a crap-shoot, not something you’d want to get totally invested in.

Point #4; Marriage is expensive. There’s not much in start-up costs, just a license, the cost of which ranges somewhere between what it takes to make your dog Rover legal to a Liquor license. It’s getting out of business that’s expensive. If you can’t get a good lawyer, you could loose half your assets, not to mention your ass itself.

Here’s a few truisms about marriage, one may want to consider before committing yourself to that institution:

Men want three qualities in a wife: Economist in the kitchen; artist in the home; and a devil in bed. What they get is: an artist in the kitchen; a devil at home; and an economist in bed.

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and then when you see what the others have, you wish you had ordered that.

Well it’s a good thing my wife refuses to read my blog. She thinks it’s degrading, and that I am humiliating her in front of the whole world. Wonder what my Alexa score would be if that was true??

Advertisements

Comments on: "Marriage" (17)

  1. I knew it. You are nothing but an old softy underneath. Otherwise you’d be a lonely, single old pervert instead of a happily married old pervert.

  2. fantastic .. but i always read the internet with a blanket over me and the screen ? 😉

  3. btw, you have started a betty bowers master fan now.

    • It don’t get better, let alone All American, than Betty Bowers.. All her stuff is worth a look on U Tube. Ya might also enjoy, while being irreverent, and un-saved, Landover Baptist Church for a good chuckle.

  4. I have to get hold of that poor wife of yours. 🙂

  5. Your sister Heidi said:

    To Madeleine: Hansi does NOT have a “poor” wife! His wife is the most wonderful woman I have ever met. She doesn’t just put up with him, she loves him and still calls him “sweetie” after 41 years of marriage. Hansi really hit the jack pot with this woman. Everyone should be envious of such a great couple. I love them both.

  6. I think we all could have used it more at age fifteen Hansi, but everything comes to those who wait.

    Must agree with your restaurant analogy, I often like the look of someone elses dish.

    Bill
    Glutton, Ashton-under-Lyne, UK

    • Bill….I think we all agree on the restaurant analogy. It’s nice to see what our neighbor is eating, but we can never eat off his plate, let alone lick it clean. That’s food for thought that needs some digestion.

  7. Remember, you dirty old goat, that marriage isn’t always a party for the ladies either! LOL

    We (I) want: Cary Grant in the home. Bill Gates in the bank. Clark Gable in the bedroom.

    We (I) get: Al Bundy in the home. Gated at the bank. Stumbles, the clown, in the bedroom.

    Two way street my friend. bwah ha ha

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: