mind expanding nonsense

Valentines Day part 2

OK…we’re on Valentines Day, and a real rip it is, cause it covers all the stuff I hate: going to stores and spending money. I covered all that in the first post, by way of getting a little side-tracked on Boxing Day.  So read it and you’ll find-out everything you wanted to know about Valentines Day.

This Valentines Day is first drilled into ya in Kindergarten. Come February 14th, mom sends you to school with a cheap little cards in an envelopes for every one of your class-mates; can’t leave anybody out! When I was 5, what the hell did I know? I went along with the program. It just got harder in the latter grades, parting with my allowance and giving Valentines cards to GUYS.  At around age 10, I had it pretty well figured out that Valentines Day had something to do with sex; just wasn’t to sure what sex was, but probably something pretty good. So you’d give extra-special Valentines cards to the girls, and just some generic crap to you buddies.

Later, they actually taught ya about the origins of Valentines Day in school. [But again, you couldn’t just give one card, it had to be one for every classmate]. It was originally Saint Valentines Day. And observed to honor some dead guy who was caught believing the wrong stuff. It wasn’t until Geoffrey Chaucer’s time, that Valentines Day became associated with romantic love. [old Geoff was sure spinning a lot of tails in those days]. And you know what. Old Hansi can be dipped in shit, if the Brits weren’t doing it again, and coming up with a new holiday. Not only did they have Boxing Day to wrap up all the junk they got on Xmas for use next year as re-gifts; but here they are figuring out a way to get laid more than once a year on their birthdays.

It’s all about sex and getting laid. And don’t say it’s not. Just forget the Wife on Feb 14th, and guess what you’ll be doing without. Got a girl-friend? Well there’ll be no hanky-panky until she gets a dozen roses. And…delivered to the office so everyone can see. For not only are we guys competing for love, but the girls seem to have some kind of competition/auction going, to see who’s poontang draws the highest bidder.

Hey, I’m not just an old pervert. The Romans had it nailed before the Brits with Lupercalia. The terms just sounds sexy. Also sounds like a sex act, for which  you could do additional time, if convicted of a sex crime.. Lupercalia was flat-out, a fertility holiday; Feb. 13 – 15th. Guess ya needed those extra 2 days to really get into it. And guess who presided over the festivities? Cupid, the god of desire and erotic love. He went around prodding everyone in the ass with an arrow in order to get them fornicating a little more quickly. Only had three days get in as much “fooling around” as you could before going back to work.

So there ya have it. The true meaning of Valentines Day: “Run out and just get laid. But before, a shop keeper must be paid.”

Well, I gotta run out and get a card and flowers. It’s late, and I’ll be lucky to find anything left. Hope you have a happy Valentines Day, and get lucky too. Here’s a poem:

Valentines Day comes but once a year.

Maybe more. if you’re a wee bit queer.

Run out, find a lass

It’s the day, to get some ass.

Don’t be particular, and have no fear,

Just look around, and grab anyone who’s near.


Comments on: "Valentines Day part 2" (9)

  1. Lupercalia – you had me worried for a moment Hansi, I thought I had been missing out on something!

    Valentine’s day is just like all the other ‘card days’, a total load of crap. I don’t buy cards for any occasions, period. As I have said previously I’m a miserable old bugger.

    I did take my wife out earlier today and bought her 2 glasses of shandy (beer and lemonade) and a bag of crisps (you call them chips in the good old US of A).

    There’s no expense spared when I’m on the town Hansi.

    The Big Spender, Ashton-under-Lyne, UK

    • Bill….you haven’t been missing out. Sounds like you’ve been Lupercalianating for a long time. You’re also a big spender.

  2. Hansi,
    I don’t believe all your bluster. I can tell that you are hiding a sensitive and tender heart behind all that fuss.

    • You’re probably right Ralph. And that reminds me, gotta run out an get a card and flowers for the Little Lady on the big day.

  3. yes, i don’t think the only place for snags is the bbq .. you’re a true romantic when you remember your wife 😉

  4. oh and btw . blooming marvellous post – cheers, love your work !!

    • Thanks Alan. I try to make it a point to stay on top of current events, while helping my brothers in retirement with relationship issues.

  5. Isn’t the internet great Hans? I used to think I was a miserable bugger, but now I realise I’m quite amenable compared to you and Bill.

    I didn’t buy a card.

    I was surprised about you buying everyone in your class a card,we didn’t do that in my school. Hang on though, it was an all boys school, that must be why. It also explains why I’m frightened of women – not enough training in my early years.

    Anyway as I said, I didn’t buy a card, but I did buy a bunch of flowers for £3.50. My excuse for this is that I regularly buy my girlfriend flowers throughout the year.

    What do you reckon?, will you still talk to me?

    Not as miserable as I thought, in Leamington Spa, England

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